


We found love in a hopeless place

by furiousflamewolf



Series: Toni & Lucas [1]
Category: Football RPF
Genre: Acceptance, Betrayal, Biphobia, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Football, Grief, Grieving, Happy Ending, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Iker is a good dad, Insecurity, M/M, Miro is a good dad, Nightmares, Past Child Abuse, Self-Doubt, Self-Worth Issues, Slow burn (I'll try), Team as Family, Torture, Trauma, Violence, Weapons, hitman/assassin au, killers, learning to love again
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-10
Updated: 2018-08-31
Packaged: 2019-06-08 07:46:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 20
Words: 50,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15238725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/furiousflamewolf/pseuds/furiousflamewolf
Summary: When Toni thought he could finally be free tragedy struck him and he finds himself falling into darkness. A story about loss and learning to grieve and love again.





	1. Family is all that we've got

**Author's Note:**

> Title borrowed from Rihanna´s song: We found love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toni lost everything that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My first story so please bear with me. English is not my first language. I hope you enjoy though. All typos are mine.

Prologue

All Toni Kroos had wanted to do was care for his family. He loved his wife Jessica and his son Leon. His job prevented him from truly enjoying his family. Jessica was pregnant with their second child. That's when Toni decided to quit. He didn't want his children growing up without their father. 

Jessica had always been supportive. Always so understanding that's why he had fallen in love with her in the first place. She and Leon were his light in the dark. They were worth coming home to. His wife never once blamed him for being away so much. She knew Toni was doing all of this to protect them. To keep them safe. But Toni had had enough. When Jessica told him she was pregnant again Toni had to choose. It was an easy choice, his family of course. 

He had neglected them far too long. They needed him. Leon and their unborn child needed him. Jessica needed him. Toni knew she was worried sick everytime he had to leave. She always put up a brave face for him. That's why he loved her so much. She had sacrificed everything for their family now it was his turn. It was the right decision to make. He had talked to Jessica about it. The smile she gave him lit up his whole world. He knew it was the right decision to make.

The next day Toni made his way to the HQ. His boss Joachim Löw was already waiting for him. Toni knocked and waited to be allowed in. Not many in their organization were allowed to leave. The only way to leave was if you were unable to continue your duty that meant injury or special circumstances. Those weren't specified and had to be talked over with the boss. 

Toni was very nervous. He was one of the few "soldiers" that were married and had children. The company didn't disapprove of marriage. Children were a problem though. Toni still hoped that Löw would understand. He had continued to work for the company for 4 years despite having a child. He was 28 now. He knew it was way too soon to retire. One of their oldest members Miroslav Klose who was 40 still worked for the company. No one could leave the company like that. No one.

With a sigh Toni combed his hand through his hair like he always did when he was nervous. He knocked on the heavy mahagony door in front of him again. After a few seconds he was let in. Joachim Löw was sitting on his desk looking through some files. Toni patiently waited for him to finish. Löw looked up from his papers and motioned him to sit. "Toni Kroos what can I do for you my boy ??" Toni swallowed heavily. He had to calm down and breathe. "I am sorry to disturb you, sir." That's who Toni was, he was always polite.

Joachim Löw looked at him intently. "I want out sir", Toni said straightforward. That's who he was. He didn't need to sugarcoat it. He just said what he thought. It always had been like this. Löw folded his hands in front of himself. At least Toni had his undivided attention. This was good. This could work. Löw rose an eyebrow but didn't interrupt him. "As you know sir my wife is pregnant with our second child, she needs my support. I can't leave her alone. If something happened to me during a mission my kids would be fatherless. I can't do this to them. I can't do this to my wife. I hope you can understand this sir." 

Toni looked his boss in the eye. He wasn't ashamed of wanting out. He had promised Jessica. He'd never break a promise he made to her. If he had to go down with a fight he wouldn't hesitate. Slowly he felt his hands get sweaty. He never got nervous. Not during a mission. He was efficient, fast and careful. Löw sighed. "Alright Kroos you may leave. Remember none of the information you have collected can be leaked. If we discover you leaked any of our members or top secret files or information we will come to collect your head personally. Are we clear ??" Toni nodded gratefully. He was a professional.

He bowed low in front of Löw. He always had had great respect for the man. Löw was a great tactician who had lead them to many battles. Most of them had come out of them unharmed. He owed this man his life. "Thank you sir I will never forget what you have done for me." With that Toni turned to leave. A breath he had been holding escaped his mouth. It was a freeing feeling. Jessica and Leon were waiting for him. Toni rounded the corned to deposit his sword he didn't have any need for it anymore. Before he reached the armory he nearly ran into Miro.

Miroslav Klose was a kind man. The fairest warrior Toni had ever seen. He had learned how to fight from the legendary Miroslav Klose. Despite Miro not being an active fighter anymore he still helped Löw train the newbies. Toni had been one of those newbies. Along with Thomas Müller, Marco Reus, Mario Götze and many more. Their leader on the field was Philipp Lahm. Also a legend. But Toni had always admired Miro. Miro smiled at him. "So you are leaving, Toni ?? "Ja", the blond replied. He was pulled into a hug. "I wish you all the best my friend", Miroslav said kindly. "Danke." With that Toni shouldered his bag with his belongings and left. 

The ride home felt like an eternity. Maybe just because Toni was so happy. He was going to be with his family. He couldn't wait to see Leon and to tell him Papa didn't have to leave anymore. A smile crept on his face. Toni thanked the driver that had brought him home and shouldered his bag. He still couldn't believe it. He was home. The front door was opened and Jessica stood in the doorway smiling at him. Toni smiled back as he reached the front door his bag fell to the floor with a heavy thud. It was like a burden was literally lifted from his shoulders.

Jessica cupped his face and ran her thumb over his cheekbone. Toni pulled her in and kissed her lips softly. As he leaned his forehead against hers a sigh escaped his lips. He still couldn't believe it. His wife pulled him inside in that moment Leon came running down the stairs. The boy lit up like the sun and jumped into his father's waiting arms. "Papa", he shouted excidetly. A chuckle escaped Toni and he lifted his son up. Hugging him tightly. Nuzzling his hair. A tear of joy made it's way down his cheek. Jessica rubbed his back affectionatly. Toni pulled her in so he could hug all three of them. Their unborn child too. 

A few hours later he was sitting with Jessica on the couch. Leon was asleep on his lap. A steaming mug of tea that Jessica brought him was in his hand. Toni ran his hand through his sons hair. His wife smiled at him. He was content. So happy. Toni could have never imagined what was about to happen. That his whole world would be turned upside down. Toni got up and scooped his son up his arms. Carefully trying not to wake him. Leons head lolled onto his shoulder sleepily. The blond kissed his wife before he made it's way up the stairs. 

Opening the door with his foot Toni moved towards the bed. He carefully lay his sleeping son on the bed and tucked him in. Affectionatly he looked at the sleeping form before he turned around to leave. "Papa", he heard his son sleepy voice. Toni stopped in his tracks and turned around. Leon was sitting up and rubbing his eyes sleepily. "Don't leave Papa", the boy said with a small voice. Resigned the blond sighed and went to sit on the edge of the bed. His sons small arms sneaked around his neck. Leons face was pressed up his neck. Toni rocked them back and forth slowly. "Papa won't leave again", he promised caressing his son hair. He had missed him so much. 

After some convincing and whining from his son Toni read him a story. A story about a dragon that was unhappy kidnapping princesses and just wanted to live his life in peace. It reminded Toni of his own life. He had been tired of all the missions. He was finally home. Toni put the book on the nightstand next to Leons bed. "You have to sleep now", Toni said softly. His son sat up again and kissed him on the cheek. "I love you Papa", he yawned before settling back in the pillow and falling asleep. Tonis features softened and he bend down to kiss his sons forehead. "I love you too", he whispered before the door was shut with a soft click. 

Making his way down the stairs Toni looked around for Jessica. He frowned she had told him she'd wait. The blond shrugged maybe she was in the bathroom. She was in her 7th month already so she tired more easily. Toni made his way to their bedroom. A small noise made him turn around. He was in their house for less than 24h and he was already getting paranoid ?? That's what the job did to you. Toni shrugged it off. In hindsight he should have listened to his gut. Sitting in their shared bed Toni let himself relax. The ceiling looked prettier than he remembered. Memories of their wedding flooded his mind and the German relaxed slightly.

A more distinctive noise had him sit up abruptly. That had been a muffled thud. Tonis training kicked in. Carefully he made his was back to the kitchen. There were things your mind and body didn't forget. He moved as silently as a cat. What he saw made his blood freeze. His body moved on it's own. Jessica was laying on the floor. A pool of blood spreading around her beautiful body. Toni fell on his knees in front of her. He cradled her head in his hands carefully. His breath hitched and he tried not to cry out. Tears pooled in his eyes and fell merciless on his cheeks. "No, no, no Jess, baby please", he whimpered. His tears were falling on her cold cheeks. Toni knew she was gone. Her stomach was bloody too. Then he heard it. Toni body froze for a split second then the adrenaline rushed in. Upstairs. His mind raced. "Leon", he choked out.

Toni nearly flew up the stairs. He tried to be as silent as he could. The door to Leons room was ajar. Toni opened it with his foot carefully. The room was pitch black. Squinting to see in the dark Toni was punched in the face. He stumbled back a few steps. "Bastard", he thought. With a flick of his wrist he found the light switch. When he could finally see a hooded figure had lifted Leon by the throat. The boy was squirming around the grip. "Papa", he whispered scared. In total there were 3 hooded figures in front of him. One of them lunged at him. Instinctively Toni reached for his sword. "Damnit", his sword was at the armory in the HQ. Toni was not prepared to be thrown down the stairs. The hooded figure slammed into him with full speed. Sending him crashing down the stairs. His head was spinning and he could taste blood on his tongue. Those bastards were no joke they were trained. Damnit.

The figure came to a halt in front of him. Toni supported his body on one of his arms. Blood was running down his chin. He had to get to Leon. His thoughts were cut short when all of the hooded figures came to a halt in front of him. Toni could see his sons fear in his eyes. A growl echoed from the walls. None of them spoke. Toni felt a knee drive up his back keeping him in place. His head was pulled up from the ground. A strong hand ripping some of his hair off. Leon squirmed in the figures grip. "Papa" he whimpered. And the just like that the figure broke the boys neck. Toni heard himself scream. His breath hitched in his throat. Then he saw red. With a swift motion he had thrown the guy holding him in place against the wall. He lunged at the one who snapped his sons neck. Kicking him into the table. The third one attacked him with a knife. Toni kicked him in the balls. Effectively shutting him up. 

The blond spat up blood and made his way to his sons killer. His eyes were unemotional. He would snap that guys neck like those people had done with his son. Toni cracked his neck and lifted the guy up. His hand applying pressure against the assassins neck. Toni could feel the guys pulse point. He was panicking. Good. Very good. The blond smiled. A maniacal smile. He had nothing to lose. The guys hands were clawing at his arms desperately trying to loosen the death grip. With a swift motion Toni was behind him. His arms trapping the guys neck. The blond breathed out slowly. His strong arms pressing against the guys throat. Then in a matter of seconds he heard the satisfying cracking of bones. The killers body hit the floor with a thud. Breaking a man's neck was easy. Toni could do that with eyes closed.

Meanwhile the two other guys had recovered. Toni licked his lips. He had gotten a knife from the kitchen. He rammed it in the second guys neck. Watching him choke on his own blood. The third one tried to flee. Toni kicked him in the knees and threw him against a wall. This was too easy. Blood was dripping from his hands. They had his families blood on their hands he had theirs. A life for a life that's how the job worked. Kind of ironic that he had "retired". He mused on Miros words. No one left the company. No one. Toni cracked his knuckles and proceeded to punch the third guy to death. Exhausted he sat on the floor. With weak knees Toni cradled his son's lifeless body in his arms. Crying desperately into the lifeless chest. Sobs filled the room. He had failed them. He had sworn to protect them. And yet here he was holding his sons lifeless body in his arms. Too distraught and hurt Toni didn't notice a fourth figure approaching. He felt a sharp pain strike his head. The blond fell to the floor his sons body still in his arms. He felt dizzy and then everything went black.


	2. Prisoner of your own mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Darkness takes over Tonis mind and he gets a visitor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for suicidal thoughts.

Chapter One:

The first thing that Toni saw when he opened his eyes was a moldy ceiling. A waterdrop was falling steadily from it. The splashing sound it made when it touched the concrete echoed through the walls. Sitting up disoriented Toni tried to understand what had happened. His head was pounding. Memories came flooding in slowly. Jessica. Leon. Dead. They were dead. He had been unable to protect them to save them. At that the blond hid his face in his hands and cried soundlessly. A clattering sounds startled him. Those bastards had chained him to the wall. Like an animal waiting to be slaughtered. Toni knew they needed him alive. He would give them nothing. Absolutely nothing. He'd rather die. He wished they had killed him. Put him out of his misery. Without his family there was nothing. Nothing to live for.

The metal shackles around his wrists dug into his flesh uncomfortably. If he moved too much his skin would tear off and then maybe he'd just bleed to death. Maybe he should try. There was nothing for him here. He didn't want to be here. He wanted to be with his family. Toni had always known that the job came with risks. Huge risks but he had always been confident in his abilities to protect himself and his family. Now he wasn't sure anymore. He didn't know what to believe anymore. Even if he survived no one knew where he was. Toni hugged his knees to his chest and waited. He just waited. 

Being imprisoned in a dungeon, that's what Toni assumed it was, meant he had no sense of time. There was no day or night down there. Toni could just guess but after some time it became irrelevant. It didn't matter. The only light that filtered through was from the torches that were mounted on the walls. Apparently he was alone down here. He hadn't bothered to call out to someone. It didn't matter. The only thing Toni knew for certain was that he was needed alive. Those people, whoever they were, wanted information from his organisation. What they were doing to him was a type of torture. Cut him off from humans until he caved or became crazy and started to talk. Toni wasn't the best of his class for no reason. He could go on without socialising for god knows how long. And if HE didn't cave THEY would.

As Toni had anticipated THEY caved they needed his intel. Toni had doze off for a bit. After waking up there was a tray with bread and water for him. How nice they needed him alive, Toni thought grimly. He chucked the water down in one gulp. His throat had felt like sand paper. Leaning his head against the cool wall behind him Toni tried not to think of Jessica. Of Leon. His grit his teeth at the memory. A soundless sob escaped his lips. The only noise was his tears hitting the concrete and echoing of the walls. Suddenly the flames of the torch flickered. As silently as possible Toni lay down facing the wall. He could hear footsteps approach. He had no intention to see who it was. None at all. The person came to a halt in front of his cell. "I know you are awake Toni Kroos."

Of course whoever had captured him knew who he was. The voice sounded oddly familiar. It had a thick accent. Toni couldn't put a finger to it. He decided to pretend to be asleep. The figure, the man began to grow impatient. Toni could tell from him moving in front of the cell. Suddenly the bars were hit with what seemed a metal pipe ?? The noise startled Toni enough for the man to chuckle. "So I was right you are awake Toni Kroos." Toni narrowed his eyes. Who wouldn't be awake after that much noise, he thought sourly. "Turn around and face me", the man demanded. So he was bossy huh ?? Toni did what was asked of him. It didn't surprise him to see who was in front of his damn cell.

Zlatan Ibrahimovic. 

Toni scoffed. He hated that man with a burning passion. That guy thought the world was just about him. Couldn't Ibrahimovic just kill him. It would make both of their lives so much easier. The Swede was looking at him a crazy smile. That's what he was that man was crazy. He didn't hold back on killing children. He was a perfect war machine. Toni really couldn't stand him. The best thing to do was to ignore him. It would make Ibrahimovic furious. His ego couldn't handle being ignored. "So here is the deal Toni Kroos you tell me what I want to know and I won't kill you. How does that sound ??" Toni didn't react for a split second and then he just laughed. From the corner of his eye he could see Ibrahimovic fume.

Ibrahimovic's face was redder than a tomato. "How dare you lowlife make fun of me", he snarled enraged. Toni just shrugged. He didn't owe him anything. Toni could see Ibrahimovic's knuckles turn white as he gripped the metal bars in frustration. The blond looked unimpressed. He had heard that Ibrahimovic was a diva and drama queen. But that didn't mean he had to be underestimated. Toni was clever enough not to do that. That was like having a death wish. Which he had at that moment. Every other moment would be dumb though. "You will cooperate", he heard the Swede say. The German shook his head no. It wasn't gonna happen. Not now and now in a thousand years.

Apparently Tonis silence riled Zlatan up even more. "I heard your family was killed", he mocked the blond cruelly. Toni shot him a death glare. If he wasn't chained to this damn wall he would beat that bastard to death. "So the great Toni Kroos is not as good as they say huh ??" Toni couldn't care less about his reputation. Yes, it was true that he was the best of his generation he didn't like to brag about it. What was there to brag about killing people anyway ?? It didn't make sense. He still had some honor. But apparently others hadn't. As long as he could sleep at night it didn't matter to Toni who killed whom. Or who killed the most. Killing was killing. Nothing honorable about it. If one can't even respect the dead they were a monster.

"Are you done ??", he asked the Swede. Who was just rambling of about himself. It didn't surprise Toni in the slightest. He had heard about Ibrahimovic's antics. It just annoyed him. Toni wasn't one of those people who liked to talk about themselves. He could see Zlatans face change again. Oh he was angry what a surprise. The blond rolled his eyes annoyed. "I will leave you here to rot Kroos and I will make you talk you will see." Toni was still unimpressed a threat was usually a sign of insecurity. Pathetic. The Swede was rambling on and Toni looked at the ceiling bored. If no one would kill him he was sure he'd die of boredom eventually. 

Hours after Zlatan had left Toni was still looking at the ceiling. The Swede would let him starve apparently. That was good with Toni as fast as they'd get over this the better. The problem was Toni wasn't even tired. He just wanted to see his family. Tears pricked in the corner of his eyes. He sat up from the cold concrete to hide his face in his hands. Jessica had always told him it was ok to cry. It was human, one felt better after it. Toni wasn't so sure in this case. He'd cry when he'd lose an important football match. He had cried when Leon was born. But those were tears of joy not anger or sadness. Sometimes Toni didn't know how to express himself. He was just this cold German guy who killed people for a living. He tore apart families. Maybe that's why fate had decided to tear apart his. Maybe it was just what he deserved. Maybe.

Coming from a very religious family his father would probably skin him alive if he knew his son was a killer. A hit man. An assassin. His father had always disapproved of football too. Football wasn't a real job. He'd just run after a ball for 90 or 120 minutes and then get a lot of money from it. The concept was foreign to him. After turning 17 Toni had left for the organisation. His father hadn't even been sad. The only thing Toni regretted was leaving his younger brother Felix behind. He hadn't seen him in 11 years. He missed his brother very much. Toni shook his head he didn't want to think about his father. Not now. Not ever. He bit his lip in frustration. If they weren't going to kill him he had to find out a way to get out. There was no way in hell he would give them any information. 

With shaky legs Toni got up from the cold floor. His head was spinning. He remembered someone had stuck him down. Carefully he touched the back of his head. There was definitely dried blood there. Maybe he had a concussion. He knew had this splitting headache that wouldn't go away even after dozing off. The tray that had been there before had been taken away. Toni didn't remember if there had been a knife or fork there. Probably not if Zlatan Imbrahimovic had him as a prisoner there was no way he would make such a rookie mistake. Zlatan probably knew Toni could kill someone with a fork if he wanted to. The shackles around his arms clattered loudly as he tried to pull at them. If he didn't want to cut off his own hands or in this case just skin his damn arm off he had to come up with another idea.

Toni could move around with the shackles. He could get closer to the prison bars. But he could not fully touch them. His finger barely touched the bar. So even if he had a key he couldn't open it and just flee. He needed a person on the outside. This was a two-man job. Minimum. Frustrated Toni grit his teeth. His people didn't know where he was and finding an ally in this shithole. Not gonna happen. His chances of escape equalled 0. Great. The only thing that drove Toni to not kill himself was revenge. Someone must have send those assassins. Someone who knew where he lived. The only rational conclusion was his own organisation. Had Löw just let him "go" so easily because he would have killed Tonis family anyway ?? To show him once you're in you can't get out. Or was it someone else ?? Who could he trust at this point ?? 

Frustrated the German shook his head. There had to be an explanation. Only members of the organisation knew where other members lived. Toni had always thought it was kind of dumb and very dangerous. On the one hand anyone who wanted to betray them could do it with ease on the other hand if someone of them needed help or protection it would be easy to hide family members faster. Not a lot of people had kids or spouses. The only ones Toni could think of were Miro, Lukas Podolski and himself. Well Toni didn't have a family anymore. So it didn't matter right now. If Tonis worry was correct they might have a leak or mole even Löw wasn't aware of ?? Or was he ?? It would be extremely stupid to just state they had one while said mole was still there. 

Thoughtfully Toni careassed his sons tattooed name. He had gotten it when Leon had been born. A remind and lucky charm he could always carry with him. In the end he had always managed to come home. And now. Now he was all alone the tattoo and the memories were the only thing he had left of his family. Hiding his face in his arm Toni blew out some air through his nose. Slowly. He had to calm down. His whole frame shook with silent sobs. Ibrahimovic had left him alone for the most part. As promised. He hadn't gotten any food just some water. But even that amount of water couldn't help against the splitting headache. Toni ran his tongue against his dry lips. His mouth felt like a desert. Maybe he should just cave. He threw that thought out of the window the second it was in his head. No.His family didn't die for nothing. He would have his revenge.

Stretching his stiff limbs Toni could only listen to his ragged breathing and his own heartbeat. It was eerily quiet. That was Ibrahimovic's whole plan. He just wanted Toni to go crazy. The plan was failing obviously and the Swede would have to come down to negotiate. That's what Toni secretly hoped. There was no way he would be let go that easily. Being alone with your demons cracked even a man like Toni Kroos. Who had always been in control. Who could kill a man with eyes closed. His own father had called him a demon before he had joined the organisation. Had said he'd just sold his soul to the devil. The truth was Toni had sold his soul to the devil the day he had been born. His own father was the devil. But Robert Kroos would never admit he had hurt his son. He had a reputation to maintain. 

Shaking his head, shaking the demons off Tonis head snapped upward. Footsteps. Finally. So Ibrahimovic had really caved. At least there was one thing in the universe that wasn't working against Toni. Sitting up as straight as a he could Toni was prepared to glare daggers at the Swede. If that asshole really thought Toni was going down without a fight he was even more stupid than he looked. Ibrahimovic smirked at the German. Tonis eyebrows shot upwards. He wasn't alone though. A young man was standing besides him. What the hell was this suppossed to mean. Surely Ibrahimovic could torture him without help couldn't he ?? Toni barely looked at the kid. That's what that guy was a kid. He didn't even look close to Tonis age. "I will leave him here for company", Ibrahimovic replied simply. Then he turned around and left them alone.

Toni sighed. His head hurt. He didn't want company. He didn't need any. The boy. The man sat down in front of the cell. Crosslegged as Toni noted. His face had a curious look. The German sighed. Did he seriously need to babysit now. Was this his punishment ?? That's how Ibrahimovic planned to break him seriously ?? Then that man was incredibly stupid. Taking a closer look Toni noticed the boy, the man had a darker skin tone. Maybe he was Spanish or Portoguese or somewhere from the south. He had short brown buzzcut hair. A ridiculous friendly smile and brown eyes that reminded him of the ones of Leons favourite teddy bear. Shaking his head violently Toni snarled. That's when the guy decided to speak. "Hola. Me llamo Lucas e tú ??", he said in the softest voice Toni had ever heard from a guy.


	3. Light in the dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A light shines through the darkness that kept hold of Tonis mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for referenced child abuse.

Chapter 2: 

The first thing Toni did was choke on his own spit. He coughed violently. "God damnit get a grip Kroos", he told himself grimly. This guy wasn't here to make friends. Neither was Toni he just wanted to get out. Toni remained silent as a fish. If Ibrahimovic wanted this guy Lucas, he told himself mentally, to gain information he was at the wrong address. Toni was having none of this shit. Apparently the Swede had changed tactics. Good for him. Lucas face changed into an unhappy frown. "My name is Lucas what's yours", he repeated in broken English. Oh so the guy thought he hadn't understood him the first time. Toni had. He lived in Madrid he could speak and understand Spanish to a degree. Lucas waited patiently for him to answer. What kind of shit was this. Did Imbrahimovic think if he send one of his minions to be nice to him Toni would cooperate ??

Toni ignored the guy. Lucas he told himself. Why did he call him by his name ?? The Spaniard had proceeded to look at the floor. Apparently he was sad Toni wasn't talking to him. Good then that guy would disappear as fast as he had gotten here. Toni would be left alone with his thoughts again. Rolling onto his side and facing the moldy, wet wall behind him Toni closed his eyes. He hadn't been able to sleep in days. And the fact that he had barely eaten and drank made his head swim. He just needed to sleep for a bit. Just a bit. Lucas looked up from the floor and watched Tonis back. He gulped so this was the best hit man of Die Mannschaft. Lucas thought he didn't look as scary as people painted him to be. Right now he just looked like a man who had gone through hell and back at least a thousand times. The Spaniard could see the dried blood on the blonds hair. Maybe if he let him sleep the German would want to talk to him.

"No stop I am sorry. Please I am sorry. I won't do it again please." Toni had sneaked out to play football with his friends. Despite his father telling him not to. He just needed to let out some steam. He just wanted to have some fun. "You good for nothing", his father snarled. His voice sounding like thunder. It rained down on him merciless. Toni curled into a ball to minimize the damage. He was used to this by now. It didn't mean it hurt less. The blond had clamped his mouth shut. If he whimpered or made any noise it would get worse. He didn't want Felix to hear. He didn't want him to see. He was still his innocent little brother. He had to protect him. So Toni took the punishment without making a sound. The leather belt making an ugly sound as soon as it hit his back...

Tonis eyes opened suddenly his whole body tensing as if his father was still there. As if the belt was still raining down on his back. As if his own blood was dripping on the floor. Sweat had collected on Tonis forehead. He tried to control his breath. In. Out. In. Out. Jessica would be with him rubbing his back soothingly when he'd jerk awake a sob or sound caught in his throat. She would gather him in her arms and comfort him. She would make him some hot chocolate and run her hand through his hair. But Jessica wasn't here. She was dead. She was gone. And it was his fault. Tears pricked in his eyes and fell down his chin. He hid his face in his hands. "You killed them boy you are a good for nothing. Can't even protect your own family. Pathetic." The voice in his head, his father's voice, mocked him.

Enraged Toni punched the wall in front of him. The pain in his hand was nonexistent at that moment. He only felt rage. Blinding hot rage. Rage at his own failure, rage at his father, rage at the whole world. Death would be too easy for him as it seemed. Tonis skin around his knuckles had burst open at the contact with the wall. Blood was flowing down his fingers. Days ago he had had his family's blood on his hands. Now it was his own. Toni laughed. He laughed at the irony. He was pathetic. He couldn't even escape a damn prison. A sound made his head snap into it's direction alert. The blond snarled he had forgotten about the boy, Lucas. Said boy looked at him fearfully. That was right he was still the best hit man of his generation. People feared him. Lucas tried to say something to him but Tonis ice blue eyes bore into him. At that he shut his mouth again. "Verpiss sich", Toni snarled in german. Fuck off kid. Leave.

As it turned out the Spaniard was quiet stubborn. Like really stubborn. He just sat in front of Tonis cell. Every time a tray with food would arrive he'd slide it towards Toni. The blond tried to ignore him. The kid was annoying he had tried to converse a few times. Toni didn't budge thought. Apart from the fuck off not a single word had escaped Tonis mouth. It was easier to ignore the Spaniard. Lucas didn't look angry at being told to leave. "Como estas ??", Lucas asked him. Toni narrowed his eyes. "La mano", he clarified. Ohh he was asking about his hand. Toni just shrugged. The pain in his hand had dulled into an uncomfortable ache. Suddenly a cloth was thrown at him ?? A wet cloth. Lucas pointed at his hand again. Toni grit his teeth he didn't need pity from a boy. Nonetheless he wrapped his hand in the wet cloth. The coolness helped with the pain. Toni sighed defeated. "Graçias", he mumbled. Lucas smile lit up the whole room.

A routine started between the two. Lucas would bring him a tray with food and keep him company. At first Toni was weary. Who knew if the food was poisoned. There was some bread and water and an undefined red splotch of something. Toni didn't touch that one. At first he had been annoyed at Lucas rambling. Then one day as he pretended to be asleep Lucas told him about his father. Maybe Lucas thought Toni couldn't hear him. At one point he could hear the Spaniards voice break. Toni ignored it. He wasn't here to make friends. He didn't mind the company though. "You know, he heard Lucas voice in broken English, I have lost someone important to me too." When Toni turned around Lucas was looking at his feet. His face looked like sad puppy that had been left out in the rain. 

A loud sigh broke through the silent dungeon. Toni had gotten up and was sitting crosslegged in front of his cell. He had no idea why he took pity in this boy in front of him. Maybe because they had something in common. They had both lost a loved one, someone close to them. "Toni, he said with soft voice, ich heiße Toni. Lucas looked up at him and then he beamed. It looked as if the literal sun was down there. The whole dungeon lit up. That's what it felt like. "Toni", the Spaniard tested out his name carefully. And then he said: "Antonio." The German frowned he never liked nicknames. Lucas saw the dislike and hung his head. "Toni", he said with small voice. A sigh escaped his mouth Toni had just broken his own rule. Great. He wasn't here to make friends.

If he looked back Toni never had a lot of friends. He was just this cold stoic German dude who looked annoyed at everything. He had been called stone face a few times. He wasn't good with emotions. And then, then when he was around 16 Jessica came along. Slowly cracking and melting the ice around his heart. Slowly taking down and breaking the walls he had build around himself. She had been the only person he had been able to be himself. Even when he was at the organisation he put up his walls. The only one who managed to lower them a bit had been Miro. Miro had trained him. Had seen his potential and then slowly but surely he had become one of the best. He had become the best. His stoic and cold nature certainly helped with the kind of job they were doing.

And now here he was imprisoned in a dungeon, chained to a wall and this Spanish guy was making him feel things ?? Pathetic. His father would have spat at him. Would have called him names. Toni shook his head. He had no idea how long he had been trapped here. It could be a month or a year.  Toni remembered there had been this boy in 5th grade, Jannik, Toni had a crush on him. His father found out of course that had been the first time he had felt the belt. The pain had been so much he had passed out. His mother had tended to him and put him to bed. After that event Toni didn't even dare to breathe the same air Jannik breathed. Even after he had come home with Jessica his father had disapproved. No one could love a monster like Toni. No one. His father was wrong. She had loved him. And he had loved her. With all his heart.

"Antonio, Toni", Lucas voice snapped him out of his memory. His forehead had worry lines. Lucas licked his lips nervously. Apparently Toni had pulled too hard on the shackles and his wrists were bruising. The usual tray with food was pushed his way. There was something else there. A book. Toni lifted it up carefully. It was covered in dust. He blew it off and tried to read the cover. "Die Gebrüder Grimm", it read in big letters. The brothers Grimm. The book was old and dusty. But it was in German. Tonis eyes lit up. Flipping through the pages Toni searched for a specific story. A story his mother used to read him before she tucked him in. For the first time in what seemed forever the Germans features softened. He looked at Lucas gratefully. "Graçias", he whispered.

Lucas had known that looking through the big library had been a good idea. He could roam freely for the most part. Toni had been a bit more talkative. Not that stoic anymore from when he had first met him. About 7 months had passed since they both spend time in the dungeon. Toni involuntarily. Lucas voluntarily. He liked the German. He really did. His eyes lit up when he found the thick book. He knew Toni would like it. Toni was crouched in front of himself. Drinking up the words in the book. Lucas wondered what story he was reading. "Que historia…what story ??", he asked half in Spanish and half in English. The German lifted his head. He pushed the book towards the Spaniard. "Das tapfere Schneiderlein" it read in big letters. "The valiant little tailor." Leon had never liked this story, he had preferred "Puss in boots." Despite non understanding German Lucas looked at the pictures and recognized the story. "Se la mia historia favoritas", the Spaniard said softly. What a coincidence that it was both of their favourite story.

Toni smiled for the first time in over 7 months. It was a genuine smile. Who would have thought he would bond with a Spaniard while being trapped in a dungeon over a Grimm's fairytale. Who would have thought indeed. Lucas was blushing crimson. He avoided Tonis gaze. He felt incredibly embarrassed. He licked his lips nervously. "Lucas", the German said softly. The Spaniards head snapped upwards. Toni had never called him by his name. Never. The blush on his cheeks intensified and he looked at his feet. He had to calm his heart or it would burst out of his chest. "Luqui llama me Luqui, mes amigos me llamano Luqui." So Toni was Lucas friend now ?? The plan had been not to trust anyone. Toni felt stuck could he trust him could he not trust him ?? Toni decided for the time being he would play along.

Over the past 7 months both of them had bonded over Spain in general. Over Grimm's Fairytales. Over their families. (Although Lucas talked more about them than Toni did). Over football. Which surprised Toni greatly. Lucas had wormed himself into Tonis broken heart without the German even noticing. He was like the sun. Shining brightly. Lucas smile warmed Toni to the core. Like Jessicas had done. Maybe Toni was just trying to find reasons to like this guy ?? Because he had been the only human contact he had had in 7 months ?? Was it the Stockholm syndrome ?? Lucas hadn't been the one to capture and imprison him though. Toni was very confused. The Spaniard made him laugh regularly. The German hadn't laughed in what seemed forever. He was looking forward of seeing Lucas. He was this small light in the dark. Sadly all good things came to an end eventually…

Lucas had brought him things overtime that made basically living in a cell a bit more bearable. A pillow. A blanket. The books which would switch whenever he was done with them. Some food and water. And most importantly Lucas himself. The company of another was a welcoming change. That day Lucas didn't come. Toni got worried what if something happened. If Ibrahimovic had decided to just abandon his original plan. In the end Toni hadn't talked about his organization. He hadn't talked about any of their members. He had given the Schwede nothing. Not even a breadcrumb to gnaw on. Nothing. Toni stretched his stiff neck and didn't bother to get up. He could hear footsteps. Those weren't Lucas' though they were heavier. The blond covered his eyes with his arm and pretended to be asleep.

Multiple footsteps came to a halt in front of his cell. Toni ignored them he knew none of them was Lucas so frankly they could go fuck themselves for all he cared. "Toni Kroos." What a surprise it was Zlatan Ibrahimovic. The blond didn't move an inch. The bars of his cell were hit with the metal pipe again. However this time Toni didn't flinch. It was funny, was the great Zlatan Imbrahimovic out of ideas ?? There was rustling of clothes. And then a familiar voice. A very familiar voice was talking to him.

"Toni…" Tonis eyes snapped open. What the hell was he doing here ?? Toni turned around. His eyes wide in disbelief. This couldn't be. He was dreaming. He was sure he was still sleeping. Impossible. No. The man standing in front of the cell next to Ibrahimovic was…

Thomas Müller…


	4. Animal I have become

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toni doesn't know a certain person as good as he thinks he does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for torture.

"Thomas…", the blond whispered. It felt like someone had kicked him in the ribs. He couldn't breathe. His throat felt as dry as a desert. Why ?? Why was Thomas here ?? "Thomas was… ??", Toni didn't know what to say. What the hell was going on here. Thomas crouched in front of him as if he was a small baby that needed attention. Tonis eyes were wide. His hands were shaking so much that the clattering of his shackles echoed through the whole dungeon. "Thomas", the blond tried again. He had no idea what to say. His mind was wiped. He shook his head in disbelief again. Thomas and him they had fought together, they had won and lost together. They were friends. That's what Toni had thought of him at least. A friend. His friend.

The brunette smirked at him. Zlatan Ibrahimovic had left them alone. Toni had proceeded to look at the floor in front of him. He couldn't look Thomas in the eyes. It was too much everything was too much. If Thomas had been here with Ibrahimovic the whole time then… Then he would know of Toni being here ?? Maybe it was just a mission and they would get him out of here. Toni was scatterbrained. "Where are the others ??", Toni heard himself ask. A brow was raised at the other end of the cell. "I don't know what you mean", the brunette said innocently. "Don't fuck with me Thomas", the blond snarled upset. He had been here for over 7 months. 7 damn months. His family was dead. Dead. "Thomas", Toni shouted angrily. He could feel his anger build. Toni had always been so calm but now. Now he felt like a vulcano who hadn't erupted in 28 years. Who lay dormant and had waited for this exact moment.

The thing that made him explode was Thomas reply. "There are no others. They don't know you are here. No one does except for me and a few selected. Neither Löw nor the organisation know you are here. That you are alive. They think you are dead." A frown crept onto Tonis forehead. "You knew I was here all the time ?? The 7 whole months ??", he questioned his voice tight. The brunette in front of him laughed. He laughed at Toni. Mocking him, making fun of him. "Who do you think send those people to your house ??" Tonis blood froze in his veins. And then. Then he snapped. He tore at the shackles trying to get closer to the bars. To Thomas. Thomas laughed again. "I knew it would break even you. The best of our generation." No, no, no. Toni shook his head in disbelief. Sobs erupted from his throat. Tears stung behind his eyelids. No…

"You were my friend", Toni whispered brokenly. The brunette looked unimpressed. "I was leaving you could have had that position", Toni whispered. "You fool you were too good, yes I would have had the position but I would have surpassed you by the time I was 40." That were his motives. Those were the reasons Thomas justified killing his son, his wife and his unborn child. THOSE WERE HIS REASONS. The blond was burning. Such blinding hatred he had only felt for one man. His father. His own flesh and blood. He roared at the man in front of him. A man he had considered a friend. "I will kill you." If looks could kill Thomas would be dead at least a million times. Amusement flashed in Thomas' eyes. "There he finally is, he mocked, the monster, the killer, the demon king."

Toni snarled. It was an inhuman snarl. His rage took over his mind. He had never been that angry. Not even at his father. He wanted to see Thomas' guts spill out. He wanted to see his blood. He wanted to see Thomas' head severed from his body. He wanted to personally rip his heart out of his chest while it was still beating. Toni had lost everything in that moment. He would make Thomas pay. And everyone else involved. Ibrahimovic and his minions included. He didn't care anymore. There was only revenge and blinding rage. Hot as lava. "Finally you show your true colors Toni it was about time don't you think ?? Did Jessica know of this side ?? Leon ?? Toni growled at him like a wild animal "If you ever taint their names again if you ever speak their names out loud I will rip out your throat you damn son of a bitch." Thomas looked unimpressed.

With the snap of his fingers guards were bringing in a body. It hung limply from their arms. As if it wasn't able to support itself. "I have a present for you Toni", Thomas grinned mockingly. Toni squinted his eyes. The rage he was currently in didn't help. Whoever it was Toni didn't care. He just wanted to kill the man in front of him. Everything else didn't matter. Everything else could wait. Nothing was more important. The guards lowered the lifeless body on the floor. As if the person was just trash that could be taken out. Tonis breath hitched in his throat when he recognized who it was. His knees hit the floor and he tried to crawl closer to the bars. "Lucas…", the blond whispered. "Lucas", Toni shouted again in agony. What had they done. He was just a kid. The cell was opened and Lucas was thrown inside like a rag doll. 

Toni cradled Lucas body carefully. He had been beaten. Lucas' cheek was colored in an ugly purple. His eyebrow had some dried blood on it. He had a split lip. Fuck. "What have you done to him ??", Toni demanded his anger flaring. Thomas laughed. "He was a spy." Toni narrowed his eyes. What ?? "Not for us, Thomas clarified with a toothy grin, for La Furia Roja." La Furia Roja, Toni thought, they were the strongest orangisation in Madrid, in Spain in general. What would they want from someone like him. Lucas had talked to him for the most part. "Oh before I leave Toni he was shouting your name when we tortured him. Antonio, Antonio, Antonio", Thomas mocked before he disappeared in the darkness of the dungeon. Toni vowed that Thomas would pay for this too.

Relieved of feeling a pulse Toni released a breath he had been holding. Lucas was alive. For now. As gently as he could Toni lay him on his sleeping spot at least Lucas wouldn't have to lay on the cold floor. The blond leaned against the wall behind him. Thomas had said there were others. Who had betrayed them except Thomas. Tonis mind was fuming he was just going down the list. He shook his head. No he didn't want to believe there were others. Those people had been like a second family to him. Toni didn't want to believe there were others that had betrayed them. Had betrayed him. Tiredly he leant his head on his knees. His head was killing him. The rage he had felt made him even more tired. And Lucas he hoped the kid would hold on. If La Furia Roja knew where they were, there was still hope. They had to hold on.

Days passed and Lucas hadn't woken up yet. The only thing that assured Toni he was still alive was the faint rising and sinking of his chest. No one had been down here for a while. Toni had lost all sense of time again. Like he had done for the past 7 months. Out of the corner of his eyes he saw Lucas stir slightly. He crawled towards him. "Luqui", he whispered softly. It was the first time Toni had used his nickname. He had to admit to himself that the Spaniard was his friend. The only friend down in that shithole they were in. Toni cupped Lucas uninjured cheek slowly. Lucas' eyes fluttered. A broken, "Antonio", left his mouth. "Shh it's ok", the blond cooed like he had done with Leon when the boy had feverish dreams and called out to his father. Lucas cheek was slightly hot. 

A bead of sweat was rolling down slowly from his forehead. "Luqui", Toni tried again. Lucas thrashed, his head turning left and right a shaky breath escaped his lips. "Antonio, por favor", he whimpered. Toni grit his teeth. He would kill Thomas he would break every bone in his body. That much was sure. He had to calm down. "Antonio, Antonio, Antonio." Lucas was panicking Toni could see that. What ever they had done to him Lucas was dreaming of it. He must have been terrified. Tonis hand clenched into a fist, his whole body tensed. He had to relax. Feeling Lucas pulse point his heart rate was definitely not normal. Suddenly the Spaniards eyes snapped open. His eyes were scanning the area wildly. He looked terrified. Then his eyes landed on Toni. "Antonio", he chocked. And then he was hugged tightly by the Spaniard. Lucas hand was fisted in his shirt shaking uncontrollably. His face was in the crook of Toni neck. Lucas was crying. Toni let him. He wound his arms around the Spaniards shoulders and let him cry.

Neither of them spoke. Lucas was laying in Tonis arms. His head on the Germans chest. No one had come down to the dungeon anymore. Toni had lost sense of time again. Who knew of La Furia Roja was really on their way. Maybe Thomas was getting his hopes up just so he could crush them ?? Toni didn't know. Lucas had fallen asleep on his chest. This time there was no shouting. Which was good. The blond couldn't sleep. His anger had faded slightly but only because Lucas was there with him. Toni knew he would get his revenge he just had to be patient. Jessica had said once: God only helps those who learn to help themselves. It was true. He would have never thought he would get so close to a person apart from Jessica. He didn't mind Lucas sleeping half on top of him. Toni understood he had been scared. Not that Toni was interested. He was still mourning his family. And Lucas had probably a girlfriend who was waiting for him.

Toni wasn't here to fall in love again. He wanted to avenge his family. Jessica had been the only one for him. It would stay that way. If he died he'd die a widower. He didn't think he could even love someone else. His heart had been ripped out of his chest. He thought about Thomas words. He was a killer, the demon king who could love a monster like him anyway. His father had been right. Toni sighed defeated. Just as he was about to close his eyes he heard that deafening noise. Lucas didn't budge. The blond turned his head uncomfortably. That bastard dared to show his face again, Toni thought darkly. He sat up quickly. Shielding Lucas with his body. The door of the cell opened with an ugly screech. Like it hadn't been oiled in forever. 

"Hallo Antonio", Thomas mocked him. Rage filled Tonis belly. "Fuck you don't call me that", he spat at his former comrade. A circular container was wheeled in. Toni narrowed his eyes suspiciously. He bared his teeth at the guard that was approaching him. The shackles around his arms were finally loosened. Toni rubbed his wrists absently. "What do you want Thomas ??" Thomas didn't even look at him. He marched forward and grabbed Toni by the neck. Fuck, Toni thought he hadn't imagined that his body would feel so weak. His knees felt like jelly. If it wasn't for Thomas strong grip around his neck he was sure his knees would give out. The brunette dragged him towards the container. It was filled with water Toni noticed. That bastard wanted to torture him. How unoriginal Toni rolled his eyes. With a sudden push Tonis head was under water. The piercing coldness burned in his lungs. Toni tried to loosen the grip by thrashing around. To no avail. His lungs were repeatedly filled with water. He couldn't breathe. His eyes stung and his head felt hazy. After what seemed forever Thomas pulled him out. Toni wheezed. He coughed violently. His eyes were pricking with tears. 

Toni fell to the floor. Coughing and wheezing. The piercing cold water burned in his lungs. Thomas wasn't done with him however. He picked up Toni like a doll and pushed his head in the container again. Toni could feel himself slowly choke on the ice cold water. He tried to elbow Thomas in the ribs to get him to release him. It wasn't going to happen. Of all the ways he could have died drowning hadn't been on his list. His mind became foggy. Fuck. The water swept into his mouth like a tidal wave. "Por favor stop, Antonio, pot favor", he heard a voice. Lucas. He felt so tired he just wanted to sleep. Then his head was pulled out of the container forcefully. Thomas threw him on the floor like a rag doll. Toni just lay there. His chest heaving forcefully. He turned around and vomited water all over the floor. Fuck.

Toni just wanted to sleep. He was so tired. "Antonio, no, no, no", he heard Lucas panicking voice. It seemed so far away. Lucas touched his cheek but Tonis eyes were unfocused. He didn't remember the ceiling being so bright. And he had to know he had stared at that ceiling for 7 months. There was a loud bang. Toni shut his eyes tightly at the brightness. His head hurt. It felt like someone was driving a nail up his temple. Toni squeezed his eyes shut. He saw Jessica and Leon. "Antonio." Damnit why couldn't Lucas just let him sleep. He pushed at Lucas arms weakly. Toni heard a shout and footsteps. They sounded so loud and close. Damn they were going to get killed. "Toni", he heard a familiar voice. It wasn't Lucas. "Toni are you ok Toni ??" Toni frowned he hadn't heard that voice in over 7 months. A familiar face came into view. "Thank god Toni we were here in time." The voice was soft. Miro ?? Why was Miro here ?? Was he dreaming ?? Toni lifted his head tiredly. Miro hadn't come alone with him was…

Iker Casillas, leader of La Furia Roja and king of Madrid.


	5. The length we go to save the people we love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toni finally sleeps.

Chapter 4

Hoisting Toni up Miro looked at his surrogate son. Tonis head lolled on to his shoulder. Tonis cheek was turning purple and he was a white as a sheet. He had definitely gotten thinner. He could hear the boy that had been with Toni speak in Spanish. Fast. The Spaniard pointed at Toni. "They tortured him with water." Fuck. Gently Miro lay the blond on the ground. Iker turned to him. "We don't have time for that. Vamos", he hissed slightly. Miro glared at him. "He is going to die if I don't get the water out of his lungs." Two of Ikers men were covering them. Luka Modric and Marcelo. Carefully Tonis soaked Tee was lifted up and Miro tries to remember how their doctor, Müller-Wohlfahrt had taught all of them basic CPR. For emergencies. This was clearly an emergency. Toni shot up and vomited the remaining water out. He was breathing heavily. "Vamos", the king of Madrid said again. They reached the vehicle that had been waiting for them. Miro ran his hand softly through Tonis hair.

Flashback

Miroslav had been in his office when his door was opened forcefully. Philipp their leader was looking at him distressed. It was uncharacteristically for their leader. Miro knew something was up. His chair hit the wall behind him with a thud. He himself, Phillipp and a few others made their way to Tonis house. The door to Tonis was ajar. Miro frowned Toni would never make such a mistake. He never expected to see what had happened. Toni had fought clearly. Tables and lamps had been knocked down. In the middle of the room lay Jessica. Her body surrounded by a pool of blood. Miro went up and touched her cheek lightly. She was cold. Ice cold. Miro closed his eyes she was gone. Three assassins lay around the room. One of them had a knife sticking out of his throat. The second had had his neck broken and the third had been punched to death.

What made Miros knees go weak though was when they discovered Leons lifeless body. His neck had been snapped. What kind of monster would snap a child's neck ?? A 5 year olds neck. Miro thought of his own twins. Toni was nowhere to be found. Whoever had taken him knew who he was. Needed him. And his Intel on the organisation. Miro knew the blond would never give them what they needed. Turning Tonis house upside down they didn't find a clue. The only thing Mats had found had been a letter addressed to Toni. Miroslav pocketed it. There was no way they could find Toni alone. The needed help. Powerful help. He would do anything to find the blond. He was like his own child. There was only one person that could help them now. The king of Madrid himself.

Madrid was a beautiful city. Miro could understand why Toni liked it here so much. He had phoned with a certain Marcelo to get an "audience" with Iker Casillas the king of Madrid. Die Mannschaft and La Furia Roja had worked together in the past. Also Mesut one of their own had been send to Madrid as a liasion. Approaching the imposing Santiago Bernabéu he saw someone waiting for him. He was greeted by a sun kissed man with a goofy smile and a ridiculous hairstyle. It turned out to be Marcelo. He was offered a hand and Miro shook the hand politely. Then he was lead inside. A spiral staircase was the first thing Miro saw. Marcelo acted as his guide. They passed a long corridor with a dozen of doors. This had to be where their members had to stay at when they were in Madrid.

They went further inside and they were standing in another corridor. The walls were plastered with pictures. Miro looked at them with interest. He nearly stumbled over Marcelo who had come to a halt. In front of them was giant ebony door. There were animals and buildings carved into it. It look beautiful. Marcelo knocked and then they waited to be led in. The door was opened and Miro was greeted with a long room. There was a long table running until the end of the room. Also ebony. The end of the room consisted of a giant window front that lightened up the whole room. At the end sat the king of Madrid. Iker Casillas was currently discussing with a heavily tattooed man. Sergio Ramos. The second in command. Ramos laughed at something that Iker had said. A huge smile on his face. With fake annoyance Sergio was pushed away. "Sese basta", the king replied softly. Ramos laughed again and looked at his friend affectionately. He went down to kiss Iker on the lips. Everyone knew that those two had a relationship beyond the professional one. A raised eyebrow was shot in Miro direction before the Spaniard took Marcelo with him. The door was shut with a soft click.

Iker had gotten up and greeted Miro. Politely he was asked to sit down. The heavy ebony door was opened again and Mesut came in. It had been a long time Miro had seen his friend. He was hugged tightly by the Turkish-born. Then he sat down between Iker and Miro. Apparently he would be their translator. Miro and Philipp had already asked their undercover agents if any of them had seen or heard something from Toni. Some of them couldn't even be pulled out because the were too deep undercover. They wouldn't risk their members lives like that. So their only chance of finding Toni was Iker Casillas. La Furia Roja still owed Toni Kroos. Iker knew that. Everyone knew the blond. Who wouldn't know the best hit man in Die Mannschaft. Toni had worked with them before. And so Miro started to explain his situation.

How Toni had wanted to retire and then had followed through. How they had found Tonis family dead. Toni being gone without a trace. Iker suspected that Ibrahimovic might have him. They needed an inside man and the king of Madrid had the perfect candidate for that job. Someone who would collect information. The plan would be simple. Get his man inside of Ibrahimovic's fortress and see of they could find Toni. His man would contact Iker regularly. After the first week it was confirmed that Toni was indeed being help captive by Ibrahimovic. They couldn't barge in like that however. They needed a plan. A real plan so none of their members lives was threatened. It took them about 3 months to establish a safe plan. They had no idea if Ibrahimovic had an informant as well. They had to proceed with extreme caution.

During Miro's third month in Madrid he had gotten a call from Philipp. The HQ had been attacked and had collapsed. They had lost a few members during that incident. Löw suspected their leak had something to do with it. The polish-born had been incredibly distraught. Most of those kids, because that's what they were, kids Miro had trained them personally. Of course it hurt him not being able to help his family. He was miles away. However their "more important" members as some of their staff would say had been out of the building. For Miroslav himself every and each member of their team, of their organisation was important. It shouldn't matter who they were. If they'd start picking apart their own system it would collapse. Just as their HQ had collapsed. And it would bury their own members under it like and unstoppable wave.

Finally after 7 long months Iker gave the operation a go. The plan was simple. Go in get their guy and walk out alive. Nothing more nothing less. They could not afford to be careless or sloppy. It would get them all killed. Iker had taken Marcelo and Luka Modric with him. Those two would be the most efficient. Marcelo could cause a diversion and Luka was fast enough to outrun some of Ibrahimovic's men. Creating a perfect opening for them to get to Toni. Ikers informant Lucas had told him everything they needed to know. If the plan failed all of them would be dead anyway. They found Toni with Ikers man which was a relief. That meant they didn't have to waste precious time they definitely didn't have to search for someone else. When Miro first saw Toni after 7 months he was shocked.

Flashback end

The whole drive the Spaniard that had been with Toni and hadn't left his side. His eyes widened in fear. "Antonio", he would mumble more to himself than Miro at all. Miroslav knew of Tonis father and what he had done to him. The drive to the Bernabeau seemed longer. Miros thoughts were swimming. He had no idea who could have a reason, apart from Tonis father, to do something like that. A heavy sigh escaped his mouth. He had seen Toni hurt before that's how the job was but he still couldn't help but worry. Toni would have joked with him and would have said he was getting old. Miro knew Toni had been so happy to leave. And now, now he was in this shithole again. The car came to a stop with a halt. Marcelo really couldn't drive. He could hear Iker swear in Spanish. They were greeted by more members of Ikers team. This time there was Karim Benzema and Pepe. Who helped carry Toni inside.

Müller-Wohlfahrt was already waiting for them in the examination room the others had prepared beforehand for the experienced doctor. Toni was gently lay on the bed and then all of them were ushered out. Hours passed and then Müller-Wohlfahrt finally came out. Miro approached him "Doc…", he said with a shaky voice. "You saved his life by getting that water out of his lungs, the doctor said, he would have drowned otherwise." A breath of relief escaped Miros mouth. Toni would be ok. That's what mattered. Toni had told him about his own father. So the polish-born was familiar with the situation. He still couldn't believe that a father could and would do something to his child. Toni had joined them at age 17 and then he had become the best of the best. In their inner circle he was called the demon king or just the king.

As everyone wanted to go and visit Toni the doctor stopped them. One at time. Toni needed rest after he gave the go he could have visitors. Not sooner and not later. The doctor didn't need Toni to feel even more stressed. Even unconscious the brain picked up noise and words. He needed rest. Absolute rest. Toni had an IV sticking out of his arm. He had been extremely dehydrated. An oxygen mask was helping him alleviate some strain from his lungs. All in all he had been in very bad shape. It's not like none of them had been tortured before. Still it hurt Miro to see Toni like that. Weak, broken, tired. Miro sat down next to the bed. He would wait as long as it took for Toni to wake up. Worry was written all over his face.

Miroslav still remember when Toni and his group were introduced to him. All of them had been young. At the end of their training when they fully became members of the organisation everyone of them was presented with a weapon of their choice. Most of them choose fire weapons which would be easier to handle. Toni however had asked him if he could forge his own sword. Which had surprised the experienced trainer. Usually fire weapons were better. Students like Thomas Müller or Sebastian Rudy or Jonas Hector preferred fireweapons. They trained with wooden poles though. So he understood Tonis point though. In the end the blond ended up having a Claymore. Which he strapped behind his back rather than his hip. It was more comfortable Toni had said and then shrugged. As long as the kid was happy Miro wouldn't complain.  
Heavyly in thought he didn't hear the door open again. The Spaniard, Lucas, Miro remainded himself peaked in.

Lucas turned around to leave again. "It's ok", Miroslav said softly. The Spaniard gulped and stared at his feet. Shyly. With a soft hand on his shoulder Miro guided him towards the bed. "Antonio." The German could hear his voice break. Toni had never like nicknames that was a known fact. He was Toni. Just Toni. Hesitantly the Spaniard touched Tonis cheek. Miroslav never said anything he just watched. Whatever they had faced together must have brought them closer. Toni had never liked it when people had touched him. Due to his past. But apparently this boy was an exception to the rule.

Like Müller-Wohlfahrt had said Toni slept for a few days. Lucas never left his side. Even sleeping next to his bed. When Miro tried to get him to shower or eat the Spaniard flat out refused. In the end Iker convinced him and Lucas resumed keeping watch. Tonis German friends like Julian Draxler or Lukas Podolski didn't like the Spaniards presence in Tonis room. They tired to get Lucas to leave. Stubborn as Lucas was he didn't budge and nearly got into a fight with them about it. The commotion was broken of by Iker and Philipp. Lucas had nearly been at their throats. He had to be held off by Isco, Nacho and Marcelo. That's when Toni opened his eyes slowly.

"Luqui", he whispered softly.


	6. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toni recovers and deals with his own feelings for a certain Spaniard. There is a misunderstanding that causes trouble.

Chapter 5

In that moment Müller-Wohlfahrt ushered everyone of them out. His patient didn't need fighting and loud noises he needed rest. Begrudgingly everyone left and let the doctor do his work. Sometimes those grown man were like wild untamed children. Müller-Wohlfahrt sighed and proceeded to tend to his patient. "Toni", he whispered softly trying not to startle him. He could see by Tonis reaction that the boy was extremely confused. "Doc", Toni said with a raspy voice. Then he proceeded to cough violently. The doctor handed him a glass of water and waited patiently. He knew Toni would have a lot of questions. "Where are we ??", was the first question. Of course the very observant Toni Kroos would know they weren't in Germany anymore. In that moment the door was nearly thrown down. The doctor frowned unhappily. Children. He could understand they were worried about their friend but he had given them exact orders. It was a miracle they got their jobs done. Sighing defeated he only let Miroslav, Philipp and Iker enter. He would tend to Toni later. He was ok for now.

Toni looked incredibly confused at the people in front of him. His brain hadn't caughted up yet. The doc hadn't even answered his questions and he could feel a headache approach. At least familiar faces were in front of him. Where was Lucas ?? His mind began to panic. "Lucas", he croaked out his voice still raspy from disuse. Miro assured him that the Spaniard was ok. A relieved sigh left Tonis lips and he fell back into the pillow. "How do you feel ??", was his captains first question. The blond just shrugged. He felt like a train had rolled over him and had stayed on his chest. At least his lungs didn't feel like they were about to burst. Like before. Toni still felt incredibly tired though, he just wanted to sleep. Miro noticed and convinced Philipp and Iker to let Toni rest for now. The questions could wait for later. The blond shot him a grateful smile. His eyes felt heavy…

When Toni woke up next the room was covered in darkness. He felt a little better than the first time he woke up. Testing his body he sat up carefully. There was a person next to the bed ?? Maybe it was Miro ?? Toni knew Miros fatherly side it was a miracle that man hadn't had a heart attack at all the crazy and dangerous stunts they pulled during their missions. But he was getting grey hair that one was for sure. Feeling carefully for the person next to him Toni knew for a fact that Miro didn't have a buzzcut. "Antonio", Lucas whispered sleepily before rubbing his eyes. The blond gave him a small smile before he was assaulted with a tight hug. Toni froze for a second. His usual awkward German self was at it again. He pat Lucas shoulder lightly. Lucas wasn't even thinking of letting go. Hiding his face in Tonis chest. "It's Ok, I am Ok, he assured the distraught Spaniard before he was let go. Toni was sure Lucas was blushing even though he couldn't see it. "I was so scared", he heard Lucas say against his chest. Sometimes he forgot that Spaniards were more touchy than Germans. That didn't mean it was a bad thing.

During the next days Tonis room was practically flooded. Much to Müller-Wohlfahrt's dismay. Lucas had held off and was spending time with his fellow teammates. Mats and Benni had been very worried and treated him as he was made out of glass. He pushed their hands away forcefully. Julian Draxler, Jonas Hector and Sebastian Rudy asked him how he was. Jerome Boateng actually guarded the door so it couldn't be opened and Per Mertesacker told him he'd be his chef. Toni knew he had lost weight and he understood he needed to eat. Lukas Podolski was very quiet during all of this and was chatting to Bastian in one of the corners where they wouldn't be squished by their teammates. Toni was sure the oxygen in the room wouldn't last for all of them. That's when Philipp and Miro decided they needed to talk to Toni in private. A breathe of relief left Tonis mouth. Thank god. He loved his second family but it had gotten too crowded for him.

Philipp and Miro sat on each side of Tonis bed when everyone had left. Toni asked them about any of their other members since he hadn't seen anyone else. The only ones that were still in the building were Sami Khedira and Mesut Özil. Those two were hanging out with the Spaniards. Sergio Ramos in particular. The blond noticed that Lucas had kept his distance to him. He hadn't seen the Spaniard in what felt forever. It made him feel sad although he knew it shouldn't. Yes, they had gone through some tough times together that didn't mean Lucas had to be around him constantly. Toni was kind glad for the break. He hadn't wanted to be Lucas "friend" at first it just happened to be a necessity. Toni told them about Ibrahimovic about how he wasn't able to save his family. About his imprisonment and about Lucas being there. The only thing he left put was that Thomas had been there too. But not as an ally. He couldn't do that to Miro. He knew that Thomas was as important to Miro as himself. He couldn't bring himself to break his suroggate father's heart like that. Toni knew it would break Miro. He would tell Philipp when he'd get the chance to talk to him alone.

One day before Müller-Wohlfahrt officially released him Lucas came by for a pre-celebration. Toni had to admit he had missed the Spaniards company. His jokes and all and foremost his smile. Toni felt like a love-struck puppy. He wasn't interested in the kid. He wasn't, he was still mourning his wife and kids. The team had been so kind to arrange a funeral for them. Toni had been extremely greatful to all of them. He knew he couldn't visit their graves yet. It would be the first thing he did when they landed in Germany. Which would still take a while until they took out Ibrahimovic and his allies. It still calmed the blond to know that they were at rest. Tears pricked in his eyes when there was a knock on his door. Lucas peaked in smiling softly. Toni was sure if he wasn't sitting in his bed his knees would have gone soft. Like jelly. He shook his head vehemently. Lucas was a friend nothing more nothing less. Still he couldn't keep a blush from forming on his cheeks. Lucas had brought two glasses with what seemed joghurt or maybe some kind of Spanish dessert. Lucas told him it was dulce de leche. It reminded Toni of condensed milk back in Germany. Leon had always liked that. He smiled at Lucas gratefully. "Graçias", the blond told him softly.

Lucas beamed like a 1000 watt lightbulb when he left Tonis room to go to dinner. He really had enjoyed spending time with him. They nearly spend the whole day together. Toni had told him he needed a nap and then he'd meet him at dinner with the others. Loud noises filled the dinning as over 50 people chatted and ate with each other. Lucas made his way to Isco and Nacho. He always sat with them during lunch. Most of them had a routine. Mostly who'd sit with who. Sometimes they ate all together in Ikers office but those were rare ocassion. For example during a meeting where they had to discuss and plan. Isco elbowed him lightly and grinned at him knowingly. Lucas ducked his head to prevent his friend from seeing him blush crimson. Sometimes he hated that Isco teased him. Although they were best friends. Nacho tapped his shoulder and silently pointed to the staircase that lead to the rooms upstairs. Lucas gulped when Toni came down. His hair still slightly wet from the shower. Toni met his eyes and grinned before he went to sit with Miro and Manuel. Embarrassed Lucas felt the tips of his ears heat up. For the remainder of the evening he tried not to look at the table the blond was sitting at.

During dinner Iker had informed them that in order to beat Ibrahimovic they would have a meeting in a few weeks time. Others allies from over the world would fly in to discuss and plan what do. Most likely they would stay at the Bernabeau so some members would have to share rooms with eachother to accommodate their guests. Some big names like David Beckham, Gianluigi Buffon, Zinedine Zidane and even the Kaiser himself Franz Beckenbauer would be present. It would be a big and important event for all of them. Most of the members of the Bernabéu knew who'd they room with. Iker and Sergio had their own bedroom which no one entered. Ever. Out of fear of being traumatized for life. Toni had approached him after dinner. Lucas had tried no to blush as Isco passed him by, slapped him on the shoulder and winked. He would some day strangle Isco. Preferably in his sleep. He already felt stupid enough with having this crush. On this German guy. This handsome German guy who had gone through hell and back. Lucas felt bad about that. He didn't want Toni to feel uncomfortable because he behaved like a teenager. It wasn't fair.

Wishing Lucas good night and hugging him briefly Toni made his way upstairs. Lucas felt as if his chest was gonna jump out of his chest. Get a grip, he told himself. Just as he turned around he collided with someone and landed on the floor. Confused he wanted to apologize. It had been his fault he hadn't looked. Cold eyes met his and Lukas Podolski was looking down at him. As if he were the mouse and Podolski the cat. Ready to chase and eat him. Just as he was about to get up Podolski pushed him again. Hard. "Oh sorry you were so small I didn't see you", he said with fake concern. Lucas growled he hated when people made fun of his height. He wasn't even that small. Heck Lionel Messi was smaller than him. Eyes blazing with fury Lucas was up in an instant and in Podolskis personal space. Growling at him in annoyance. "Stay away from Toni he isn't into you. It was disgusting the way you were drooling over him. Fucking faggot." Not a split second later Lucas had punched him in the face. "Hijo de puta", he hissed angrily. His eyes blazing with hatred direct towards the polish born. In hindsight it hadn't been a good idea to punch someone they considered an ally. He would have to listen to one of Ikers lectures in the morning. It was worth it though. Iker had a zero homophobia tolerance.

That night Lucas hadn't been able to sleep. Podolskis words haunted him. Maybe Toni was just nice to him because he had helped him. And technically saved his life. Maybe it would be better to stay away from him for a while. Those feelings in his heart wouldn't be there forever and he would move one. Simple. Lucas had greatly enjoyed Tonis company but both of them had their own people. They didn't need eachother anymore. They weren't trapped in a dungeon where they needed human relations or company. They had their own families. It was for the best if he ignored Toni while he was here. Until the mission would be complete and each and everyone of them would go their own ways. He could do that. It wouldn't be that hard. That's what Lucas told himself. That's what he had to believe to survive this. The Spaniard knew that being bullied into this by Podolski didn't make the situation better but for Tonis sake and his own sanity he would stay away from the German.

The following weeks Lucas avoided Toni as much as he could. Obviously he couldn't hide during dinner. He forced himself not to look at Tonis table. Unmotivated he pushed his food around. His gaze practically glued to the chicken wing in front of him. He had barely eaten. Isco elbowed him lightly but Lucas ignored him. He wasn't hungry. Isco frowned at his friend. The usually bubbly and funny Lucas was uncharacteristically silent. He was never silent during dinner. Never. This had been going on for weeks now. Isco was incredibly worried. Every time he'd ask Lucas said one just shrugged it off as nothing. Isco and Nacho both had noticed that Lucas didn't talk about Toni, didn't look at Toni and didn't even talk to the German at all. As if he had never had a crush on him. Lucas exused himself and left. That's when Isco decided to have a chat with the German. After dinner, if that bastard had hurt his best friend he would personally kill him. He didn't care about the others.

As everyone had left it was actually Toni who approached him first. Isco narrowed his eyes suspiciously. What the hell did that bastard want. Nacho was still sitting next to him and was peeling an Apple. Nacho offered him a piece but Isco declined he wasn't hungry anymore. That's when Toni approached their table. Isco sideglanced him. The German was incredibly awkward for someone who was the best hit man of his generation. Isco wondered if that guy killed his targets with exactly that. His awkwardness. The Spaniard played with his knife absently. Toni came to a halt in front of him and rubbed his neck shyly. Isco snorted. Shy that guy, if that guy was shy he would be the next king of Madrid. Stealing a piece of Apple, from Nacho who protested, he tried to murder the poor fruit with his teeth. "Hey…um do you know what's going on with Lucas. He's been weird lately. He hadn't talked to me and avoided me and I have no idea why", the German said with a small voice. Who was that guy trying to fool. Isco certainly not. With a swift motion he was in the Germans face. "I think you are the problem here hijo de puta." In that moment Lucas came back because he had forgotten his phone on the table. Toni grabbed his arm. "Luqui what did I do ?? I don't understand", Tonis voice broke. The Spaniard avoided his gaze. "I was the problem all along Toni sorry." With that Lucas turned around and practically ran to his room. "Hijo de puta", Isco snarled again before he and Nacho left too. Leaving Toni wondering.


	7. A father's advice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Both Toni and Lucas get advices from a father figure and a friend respectively.

Chapter 6

Sitting in his bed that night Toni tried to recreate the past weeks. Maybe he had said something to upset Lucas in any way. The last time they had talked to eachother had been three weeks ago. It was nearly September now. Sighing he decided to try and talk to Lucas alone when he got the chance. He didn't know why it bothered him so much that the Spaniard wasn't talking to him. Was avoiding him all together. That's what Toni had wanted. Now he wasn't sure what he wanted anymore. He hadn't laughed in weeks. Sure he laughed with his team but with Lucas it always had been different. Maybe he could talk to Miro in the morning about it. An unhappy sigh escaped his lips. He usually like being left alone but the situation with Lucas bothered him. He had no idea what was going on or what he had done. If he really had done something to upset the Spaniard he would leave him alone immediately. Toni would see how his chat with Miro would go. His surrogate father had wanted to see him anyway. Rolling on to his side Toni drifted into an unrestful sleep.

The following day Toni went to Miro. Who had been given his own office. The blond was sure that Miroslav enjoyed the privacy. Having thought a few days about it, Toni decided to tell Miro about Thomas. In the end he would hear it from Philipp anyway. It was better to tell him in person. Even if there was a risk of Miro not believing him. He deserved to know at least. The blond sat down and Miroslav smiled at him softly. Then he turned around and opened a drawer. An envelope was taken out and placed in front of Toni. His name was written on ut by an unmistakable person. Jessica. Toni looked at Miro. Where did he get that letter ?? Did Jessica give it to him for safekeeping ?? Toni didn't understand. "We found it in your house under Jessica's jewelry box. There had been a hidden part under it. When we accidentally let it fall to inspect it the letter fell out." His wife must have had her reasons for hiding this letter from him. A thousand possibilities flew around his brain. Then he shook his head. There had to be a logical explanation for all of this. "You wanted to talk to me about something Toni ??" The blond sighed he wasn't sure of it was a good idea to tell Miro. He deserved to know though. Nervously he ran his hand through his hair. He was on very thin ice here. "Thomas was in the dungeon where I was being held. But not as a prisoner he was Ibrahimovic's ally." There he said it. He couldn't look at Miros face.

The polish born man was confused. It was true that Thomas was undercover at Ibrahimovic's. But there was no way he was the leak or spy. No way at all. Maybe Toni had confused him with someone else. This didn't make any sense at all. Of course Thomas had to play along and pretend that he was one of Ibrahimovic's minions but that he had betrayed them. No there was no way in hell that had happened. A small voice in Miros mind asked him who else would have known where Toni lived. Who could have send those assassins ?? "Toni are you a 100% sure you saw Thomas ??", Miros voice didn't even falter. "Yes", his student admitted. Taking a deep breath Miro rubbed his forehead. "He admitted to having send those assassins Miro, he told me he wanted my position, he was the one who tortured me. When Ibrahimovic had already left. He said none of you knew where I was." Toni could see Miros forehead crease in worry. "If you don't believe me you can ask Lucas Vàzquez he can confirm Thomas was there." With that Toni lifted the envelope up carefully, thanked Miro and left.

The blond felt incredibly guilty for having put his mentor in such a difficult situation. He knew that Miro had been very close to Thomas too. If he had a student and this student would tell him the stuff he had just told Miro he would 't believe it either. With a heavy sigh and went to his room. The envelope felt incredibly heavy in his hand. It would be a good idea to at least tell Lucas that Miro would want to talk to him about Thomas at one point. With heavy feet he made his way to Isco's and Nacho's shared bedroom. Toni knew Lucas would be there too. He knocked against the ebony door lightly and waited. The door was pulled open forcefully and he was greeted with Isco face. "Fuck off hijo de puta" the Spaniard snarled lowly. Toni looked at him unimpressed. The first time it had been a bit uncomfortable, the second time Toni didn't even care. "I need to speak to Lucas." Isco had blocked Tonis view with his full body. "It's ok", a voice said behind him. Isco looked at his friend scandalized. "Luqui…" he tried to change his friends mind. He was pushed back into the room gently. "Toni…, the Spaniard said his voice hard, how can I help you ??" Toni had wanted to understand why Lucas was so cold towards him. "Miro just wanted to ask you about Thomas he doesn't believe that we saw him at Ibrahimovic's that's all. I'll leave you alone after that." The Spaniard just nodded mechanically. "Buenas noches Luqui", the blond said with a sad smile.

Hours seemed to have passed since Toni had left. Lucas had gripped the door frame so tightly his knuckles were turning white. Nervously he chewed on his lip. The door was still open even though their conversation had already ended. If it wasn't for the door frame supporting him Lucas was sure his legs would have given out. Behind him there was a roar of triumph but the Spaniard couldn't bother to look. He leaned his head against the cool wood and tried not to let the tears fall. He felt a hand on his shoulder. He expected it to be Isco but it was Iker. The group had gathered to play FIFA in Iscos and Nachos room. They always did that together. It helped with team building. The king of Madrid looked at Lucas softly. Understandingly. He turned to face Sergio who just gave him a thumbs up that he would take care of the children and waved his hand at him to leave already. With a hand on Lucas shoulder he directed him towards the pitch.

Trusting in Sergios abilities to keep the others at bay Iker sat down Lucas gently on the soft grass beneath them. The sun was just starting to set. "What is going on hijo ?? Why did you decide to hurt yourself like that ??" Silence was the first thing Iker was greeted. That was ok they had time. After what seemed forever Lucas spoke. Barely audible. Still Iker could hear him and he listened. He would always listen. Lucas told him about Podolski and his homophobic remarks. His own insecurity. His fear of Toni not liking him as a friend anymore as soon as he heard he was into guys. About pushing Toni away and ignoring him "Luqui…if Toni can't accept you as who you are he doesn't deserve to be your friend in the first place. But you just shut him out without him even knowing what was going on in the first place. He at least deserves an explanation. If he decides he doesn't like you because of that I can still throw him out if you want." Lucas chuckled they really had been blessed with someone as San Iker as their leader. He hugged his leader tight. The chat between them had helped him immensely. Lucas had been a fool for not asking for his help sooner.

Carefully the envelope was put on the nightstand next to his bed. Toni sighed and ran his hand through his hair tiredly. A quick stop was made to the bathroom just to brush his teeth. The coldness that Lucas had directed towards him had really hurt the blond. He didn't understand what he had done wrong. With shaking fingers he picked up the envelope again. He couldn't open it. It was the last remainder he had of Jessica. He didn't want to destroy it. Rubbing his eyes to prevent himself from crying he put the envelope back. It wasn't the right time. He knew he would have to open it eventually. Not now though. He even had lost a friend now. His father had been right when he had told him he was a good for nothing. Minutes or hours Toni didn't know passed by and he didn't feel tired at all. To be honest he was scared. Scared of the nightmares returning. Of seeing Jessica and Leon die again. Over and over again. Of seeing his father mock him. Sometimes the nightmares changed and instead of his family he saw Miro and Lucas getting killed in their place. Shaking his head and hopefully the demons off Toni tried to sleep…

Sometimes Toni hated "living" in an old house. One could hear every step and every creak. Frustrated he threw his pillow on the floor. He had slept enough. As silently as he could he made his way to the dining room. He needed some breakfast or Müller-Wohlfahrt would kill him. He had barely eaten anymore. To his surprise he wasn't the only one who was up at…Toni glanced at the clock 5:24 in the morning. Manu was searching through the cupboards. Toni rose his eyebrow in question. "Manu", he said quietly. Their goalkeeper turned around as if he burned himself. "What exactly are you doing ??", the blond asked confused. Manuel remained silent for a second and then he just said "Nutella." Toni could feel a headache approach. He should have known Manu was searching for the love of his life. If Manu would be a bear he wouldn't eat honey but hazelnut spread instead Toni was sure of it. A triumphant "Haa" made him sigh. So Manu had found it.

Being the only two people who were awake at nearly six was unnerving. Especially if Manu was munching happily on his Nutella toast. Toni was pretty sure if he hadn't hugged Manuel before 80% of his body would consist of Nutella and sugar. "Why are you awake Toni ??" The blond just shrugged. "I could ask you the same", he shot back at his friend. "I was hungry." Ahh Manu was way too simple. Toni shook his head maybe he should just go back to bed again. "Toni", his friends serious voice cut through the silence. The blond didn't react and squeezed the mug with Milk in front of him until his knuckles turned white. Now Manu was going to lecture him. Out of the corner of his eyes he could see his friend spread the hazelnut goo on to a piece of bread and cutting it in half. Half of it was shoved into his face. Literally. Toni had never understood why everyone went crazy for Nutella. Like Mats or Benni or even Mesut. However he knew that Manu wasn't going to accept a no. Half-heartedly he took the piece of bread. He made a face. "You should tell him how you feel", Manu's voice cut through the silence like a knife. With that he munched on the last piece of toast, squeezed Tonis shoulder reassuringly and left.

Half an hour later Toni hadn't moved an inch. Reculantly he ate his Nutella toast. He should be glad usually Manu never shared his Nutella. Never. Stretching his stiff legs Toni was about to leave too when he heard voices approach. Familiar voices. Poldi and Julian. Why did those two have to be so loud ?? Toni sighed annoyed. And now they were laughing too. "I told that fucking faggot to stay away from Toni. He just lost his family and that pussy was making a move on him. Disgusting. He even had the nerve to punch me. Can you believe that Jule ?? He was even smaller than Messi. He thinks he is something special because he was imprisoned alongside Toni. And now he wants to get into his pants. Spaniards are crazy I don't understand why we are even here." The blond froze. Poldi had told Lucas to stay away from him ?? Everything made sense now. God he was so dense sometimes. Anger flared in his belly. Anger at Poldi and anger at himself.

Like a whirlwind he approached his teammates. Poldi was about to greet him when Toni punched him in the face. The old him, the professional, the demon king would have never reacted like that. Emotionally. Emotions made you weak his father used to say. Now, now Toni didn't care about Poldi, his father or anyone else anymore. His anger flared like fire spreading through a forest. Hot, angry, destructive. Toni snarled at his "teammates" furiously. Poldi was looking at him shocked. As was Julian. He grabbed Poldi by the neck and slammed him into the wall. "If you harass Lucas Vàzquez again or even look in his direction I will end you Podolski. Are we clear ??" Poldi just looked at him. He was let go and slid on to the floor slowly. "Oh, Toni said turning around, you are the pussy here. Who can't even admit he wants something from Basti. Because we both know Bastian would never be interested in you that way." That might have been a low blow but Toni was boiling.

Blowing air slowly through his nose he went to Iscos and Nachos room. Hesitantly he stood in front of the door. Then he decided he would talk to Lucas when he could meet him alone. Isco would never let him in anyway. It wasn't worth getting into a fight at 6 in the morning. He could wait until later. Manu's words ghosted through his brain. He was definitely felt something for the Spaniard that much was sure. Through unconventional circumstances he had gotten to know Lucas felt somehow the same. Toni felt as if he was betraying Jessica by just thinking about that possibility. He had never been with a man. Those thoughts weren't even supposed to exist. Just for thinking about something like this his father would have beat him to death most probably. He felt conflicted. His father wasn't here. His wife was dead. Maybe he just didn't deserve to be happy. Maybe he was just supposed to suffer. He really liked Lucas. He had been the only one to make him see the light in the dark again. Like Jessica had done when he had been 17. He decided to read the letter first and then he would talk to Lucas...


	8. Forgiveness is helping a friend in need

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucas helps a friend in need.

Chapter 7

The envelope in Tonis hand shook. Come on Toni, he told himself it was just a letter it wouldn't bite his finger off. He needed to calm down. He had no idea what Jessica had written. And you will never know if you don't open the damn thing you coward, he told himself. Whatever was written in there wouldn't kill him. He was already dead inside. A letter was nothing compared to that. Ok, taking a deep breath and running his hand through his hair Toni started to tear lightly at the letter. Carefully not to tear the envelope apart he managed to open it. His hands were shaking there was no turning back now he was half way through. Wiping his sweaty hands on his pants he carefully extracted the letter. Letters there was more than one sheet of paper the blond noticed. It hadn't felt that full before. In hindsight Toni had treated the letter as if it was made of glass. With a shaky breath he pulled them out of the envelope and unfolded them.

My beloved Toni,

I know you are wondering why I am writing you a letter. After that incident in 2015 where Miro showed up at our doorstep to tell me you were in the hospital and in critical condition, I felt as if my world had just shattered. I thought I would lose you. Leon would lose you. But you pulled through. For us. You are our warrior and our light. When I asked you to tell your boss to quit, you didn't hesitate you didn't falter. I was so happy. Leon was so happy.

I should have known it wouldn't work out the way we had planned it my love. You once told me my love that, once you are in you can't get out. I know they won't let you go without claiming something in return. I was always aware of the dangers. Although you never told us. You always protected us and you never looked at yourself. It hurt so much. To see you suffer for us. I still remember when you asked me to marry you. We were so young just 19 years old. I remember your smile. I never doubted your love for me. For us. 

And here am I writing you a letter in hopes you will find it someday. If something happened to me.  
To us please know, we know you will have tried your hardest to protect us like you always have done. Don't blame yourself. When your father told you those horrible things please know none of them were true. You are not a monster he was one. A horrible one. You deserve the world. You deserve to be loved. Like I love you. I love you with all my heart.

I just want to tell you please learn to love again. I know it will hurt. It will hurt like hell. But you deserve to love and be loved in return. The gender doesn't matter. I am not asking you to just forget us my love. I just want you to be happy. There will be someone who will cherish you like I did. Who will love you like I did. We did. Unconditionally. Please don't shut them out when you find them. I just want you to be happy. 

You made me the happiest woman on earth and for that I thank you. I know it will be hard I am not saying it won't but you don't have to go through it alone. We will always with you. Whereas you can see us or not. You broke through the darkness once I know you can do it again. My warrior, love of my life, my light.

In love,

your beloved wife Jessica.

Toni clutched the letter to his chest. Sobbing soundlessly. The last thing he had, had from his wife was now gone. Sometimes Toni wished he hadn't be recruited. Then this, this wouldn't have happened. Jessica had always believed in them. Hiding his face in his hands Toni cried even harder. He couldn't breathe. He felt his chest tighten. Fucking panic attack, he thought. The letter lay crumpled on the bed. Toni had gripped it too hard. For the first time in over 8 months he let himself grieve and accept what had happened. A hand on his shoulder startled him. Looking up to see who it was Toni lost himself for a second in the kind brown eyes. He shook his head slightly. Lucas was looking at him incredibly worried. His forehead was creased in confusion. Toni felt as if Lucas' hand on his shoulder was on fire. "Antonio ??", the Spaniard whispered. His voice echoed into the empty room. Then after a few seconds registered that Lucas had called him by his usual nickname. Toni was hurting and he was confused. It wasn't even 8 in the morning. 

Lucas kind eyes never left his shaking frame. His warm hand was still on his shoulder. Slowly Toni relaxed. He picked up the letter slowly, folded it carefully and placed it on the nightstand. For a long time Toni just stared at his legs. Meanwhile Lucas was sitting on the bed and rubbing his back slowly. Like Jessica would do when he had been upset. Toni felt like crying again. He hid his face in his hands again. Right now he didn't look like the best hit man of his generation. He had left that person behind. He had left that person behind. His feelings for revenge hadn't changed. That was the only reason he was still in Madrid. "Antonio", Lucas tried again calmly. This time the blond looked up. He had really missed his friend. That's what they were for now friends. Well they had been friends since the time in the dungeon Toni had to admit that. The Toni that had just gotten to know Lucas would have never admitted that. Never. He was changing. Slowly. 

"I have to apologize to you Antonio." Toni arched an eyebrow. Everything had been Poldis fault not Lucas. There was nothing to apologize. It had been a misunderstanding, yes but nothing more nothing less. "You don't have to, the blond replied, Poldi was bragging about it. I think it's a game to him because he is bitter. It's not your fault Luqui really." The Spaniard cocked his head in confusion. Toni just shook his head. Lucas didn't have to know about the drama that followed Poldi like a murder of crows. To be honest Toni had been tired of seeing that for a long time. Out of the corner of his eye Toni would see Lucas squeeze his hands nervously. "I don't have a problem with you being gay Luqui." The Spaniard looked at him like a deer caught in headlights. There was slight fear in his eyes. "Lucas do you really think if I had a problem with that, that I would hang around Philipp and Basti. Those two are like an old married couple. Relax please." Lucas shoulders sagged in relief. The words that followed surprised Lucas greatly. "You can't choose who you fall in love with. It's nothing to feel bad about. You can't control it. It's ok."

It had taken a long time and a lot of convincing from Jessica to accept that he was bisexual. A lot of convincing. He had told her of course he had there were no secrets between them. Jessica had hugged him and thanked him for his trust. She had taught him it was ok to be himself. That there was nothing wrong loving someone because of their sex. And then Die Mannschaft had done the same. He could see Philipp and Basti. How comfortable they were around eachother and the others in general. Still he never had told anyone. He didn't have to. Well Miro knew but Miros knows everything. That man is more observant than a hawk. For the first time since the incident with his father he had felt at home. Still Toni hadn't wanted to accept he was feeling something for the Spaniard. He had felt extremely conflicted. About betraying Jessica. Her words had opened his eyes. He would need time though. He still needed to grieve which was a process. But maybe if Lucas was still there in the end maybe they could try. The Spaniard had agreed. He didn't want to push Toni. Being friends was perfectly fine. If it lead to something more good, if it didn't that was also good. He could see how a weight was lifted from the Germans shoulders.

Toni looked at his friend gratefully. Now he felt tired all of a sudden. "Antonio ??", he could hear the Spaniards worried voice. "I am ok", he assured squeezing Lucas' arm gently. The smile Lucas gave him lot up his whole world. Suddenly he was enveloped in strong arms. "Is this ok ??", he heard Lucas whisper next to his ear. Toni just let himself fall. He had no strength to refuse it. He didn't want to. It felt nice. Both of them didn't move for a while. Just enjoying eatchothers company. Toni realized how much he had missed a simple hug. A knock startled both of them. Lucas let go of him quickly and got up from the bed. Miro peaked in. "Ahh I was just looking for you Lucas." Toni could see Lucas embarrassment. His cheeks warmed up, his neck was flushed and the tips of his ears were a dark shade of red. Toni chuckled Lucas looked cute when he was embarrassed. 

The blond noticed that Miro looked incredibly distraught after Lucas confirmation that they had indeed seen Thomas in the dungeon. His mentor informed them that he would talk about this to Löw and Philipp as soon as possible. There was a possibility Thomas wasn't their only leak. Just to be safe. They already had lost enough of their members. After Miro had left silence filled the room once more. "What have you been doing these past weeks Luqui ??" The Spaniard looked up from the game he was just playing and put the phone on his legs. Toni was laying in bed his hands behing his head and was staring at the ceiling. "Work mostly and hanging out with the boys they didn't want to leave me alone. Especially Isco and Nachito. They were worried." An unhappy sigh left the blonds mouth he felt like he had fucked up. He knew it had been Poldis fault but still he couldn't help it. "Come", the Spaniard said gently and pulled him up.

Lucas lead them through a long corridor and then turned left. The came to a halt in front of a wooden ebony door. A key was dug out of Lucas' pants and the door opened with a creak. Toni had always been used to their modern HQ but the Santiago Bernabeau was old, very old. Of course the Spaniards had modern technology but the building was old. It was imposing and incredibly beautiful. Although Toni liked modern things this building was incredible. "Antonio vamos", Lucas voice snapped him out of his thoughts and Toni followed him downstairs. They approached a door again which was opened with the same key. The blonds eyebrows raised in awe when he saw the room. A U-shaped shelf that covered the entire room greeted him. A small table and a pair of armchairs that sat on either side were the centre of the room. An opened leather-bound diary was in the middle of the table. The shelves themselves were filled with other leather-bound books. They were alphabetically ordered. "This is what I do", the Spaniard said with a soft smile.

Toni was still in awe. The room itself looked incredible. The mahagony wood matched perfectly. "That's what you were doing when you weren't keeping me company ??" Lucas nodded. They needed to be prepared if they wanted to go to war with Ibrahimovic. Lucas had collected as much information as possible. Who had gone in and out of the fortress. What Ibrahimovic's routine consisted of. If he had never seen a man or woman that entered the fortress he drew them. Just so they could be recognized. Curiosity took hold of Toni and was about to grab one of the books before he stopped. Where were his manners. "May I ??" Lucas just nodded. The blond found himself sitting in one of the armchairs and admiring Lucas work. It was incredibly detailed. There were even pictures drawn inside. The person's habits and behaviour. Their personalities (well the traits they showed when Lucas was around anyway), even their eating routine. Lucas was a fucking genius. 

"That's incredible", Toni praised him softly. Of course Die Mannschaft had their own informant who hadn't. Mesut was a genius in his own right. He really was. But Toni had never seen something like what Lucas was producing. Lucas moved around the room and pulled out another book from the shelf. He held it out to Toni who took it looking incredibly confused. Flipping it open his eyes widened. Those were information about him. There were pictures too. Obviously Toni couldn't understand everything that was written in there. His Spanish was good but not as good as Lucas obviously. One of the first things Lucas had written about him was that he was grumpy. The blond couldn't help but pout at that. It was true that their first meeting hadn't been the best. Toni had just lost his family. He had been grieving, he still was. But it was getting better. He was getting better. Slowly. It was also thanks to Lucas. Who had been stubborn as hell. The book was carefully shut and put back in the shelf again. 

"Luqui ??", the blond started carefully. Lucas looked up from the journal he was currently reading and placed it on the table to give Toni his undivided attention. The blond was looking at the floor. Rubbing his neck in awkwardness and embarrassment. "Muffin", he heard Lucas say in amusement. A confused look was shot in the Spaniards direction. Lucas pointed at him and said Muffin again. He was nearly falling from the armchair. He was laughing that much. "I am not a muffin", the blond said in fake annoyance. Then he laughed. Lucas was on the floor laughing so much. Toni just shook his head. That's what you got when you mess with a Spaniard apparently. It felt nice. Just laughing with a friend. Lucas was wiping the tears from his eyes. That would be his new favourite hobby. Calling the German food names. He was technically a potato. An awkward German potato. But Lucas didn't mind one bit. At least he had made Toni laugh a bit. Eased the weight on his shoulders a bit. That's everything that mattered at the moment.

Everyone of them was carrying their personal baggage with them. Be it emotional or physical. Those moments where the one that made it easier. Made you hold on a bit longer. One didn't get lost in their own head or succumbed to their demons. Those moments would come sooner or later. The darkness would engulf all of them. Eventually. It was just a matter of time. And finding the light had never been easy. It was always easier to not search for it alone. Lucas knew. He had been at that point once too. And the light had found him eventually. In the form of Iker and Sergio. He owed them a lot. They were his family. In that moment he decided he would be Tonis light. They were heading in the right direction. Toni squeezed his shoulder lightly. Just as they were about to leave for breakfast a voice cut through the room. A very familiar voice. Lucas had just wanted to put the last book back.

"What the hell are you doing here hijo de puta ?? Didn't I tell you to stay away from Luqui ??"


	9. Friends are the family we choose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toni has a confrontation with Isco.

Chapter 8

Isco had woken up with a huge headache. Nacho was laying with his face squished in the pillow and snored softly. Looking around Isco didn't see his best friend. Maybe Lucas was working again. That German bastard had broken his best friends heart and Isco was going to make sure he would break the Germans bones. All of them. Carefully not to wake Nacho who was laying next to him, Isco bent down to get his sweatpants. He kissed Nachos head lightly and exited the room. The marble floor under Iscos feet felt cool. The door to the cellar was ajar. So Luqui was down there. He needed a coffee first. A mug in hand the Spaniard made his way downstairs. Voices could be heard from within the room. So Luqui wasn't alone. Yawning Isco made his way to the library. That's what they called it. Lucas was an incredible information collector. His diaries were incredible. Without some of that information some of their members would be already dead.

What Isco saw in that moment made his blood boil. That bastard had the nerve to talk to Luqui like he knew him. Like he was his friend. They were laughing together. The mug in his hand shattered in a million pieces. Coffee burned his hand slightly. Isco didn't even notice the burning sensation in his skin. He growled. Out of the corner of his eye he could see both heads snap in his direction. Isco didn't even react to Lucas shouting at him. With a snarl he pushed the German against the bookshelves. Tonis head hitting the shelf painfully making him curse in German. Iscos hand curled around Tonis throat. Lucas pushed against him to get him to release the German. "Isco por favor let him go. It was not his fault. Stop." Toni didn't even defend himself. The grip on his throat was loosened and he coughed. Sliding down the shelves slowly. Lucas pushed Isco out of the room forcefully. 

"Francisco", Lucas hissed at him. Isco scowled he hated his full name and Lucas knew that. "Why were you talking to him ??", Isco demanded. Shaking his head at his friend Lucas sighed. Isco had always been like an older brother to him. Nachito too. Isco was the protective one and Nacho the understanding one. Lucas knew his friend was worried. But he could deal with his shit on his own. "I don't need your protection Francisco." Isco frowned. Lucas was fuming. He couldn't stay mad at Isco for too long. As his older brother Isco had to be protective. It was too much sometimes but understandable. "It was a misunderstanding between me and Antonio he didn't know what had happened. He never did anything to hurt me Isco." Shaking his head furiously Isco didn't want to accept that. Lucas put his hand against his chest to stop him from barging into his library again. "He is my friend", Lucas clarified. Angry Isco blew air through his nose. His nostrils were flaring. Then he nodded hard and turned to leave. 

A sigh of relief escaped Lucas mouth. He knew Isco was just trying to protect him. He could look out for himself. If Lucas didn't trust Toni he wouldn't have brought him down here. Toni was exactly where Lucas had left him. He was sitting against the bookshelves. His head leaned back and his eyes closed. Lucas breath hitched and he tried to calm his beating hard. He could feel his face heat up and he shook his head forcefully. "Antonio", he whispered. When the blond didn't react Lucas touched his cheek hesitantly. Tonis eyes snapped open and Lucas felt as if he was drowning in the blonds eyes. They reminded him of the sea. They were beautiful. "Luqui", Tonis voice broke through the silence. The Spaniard felt himself shiver. They were friends nothing more nothing less. He would never take advantage of a grieving man. Never. "Luqui are you and Isco ok ??" Lucas nodded his head and then held his hand out. Toni took it gratefully. His head was still spinning a bit. 

They made their way to Müller-Wohlfahrt just to be sure Toni didn't have a concussion. Isco had been enraged and Lucas hoped that Nacho would be able to calm him down. At least until dinner time came around. They had already missed breakfast. On their way downstairs they ran into Poldi and Julian. Poldi avoided both of their gazes. But Julian was suddenly in Lucas' face and sneering at him. The Spaniard pushed him away and left with Toni in tow. "I am sorry about them", the blond apologized ashamed. Lucas just shrugged. He was used to that. Being made fun off and being called names. A warm hand was on Lucas' shoulder and Toni winked at him. The Spaniard could feel his face heat up. He was so embarrassed. Tonis hand never left his shoulder. They parted on the way to their bedrooms. Toni smiled at him warmly and thanked him. Lucas had been there when he needed him. 

If someone had told Iker a few years ago they'd host other organisations in their own sacred four walls, Iker wouldn't have believed them. Most probably. They were in times of need. Ibrahimovic was getting ever more powerful by the minute. But even Ibrahimovic couldn't control everything. Iker should have been in his office, he glanced at the clock, 2 hours ago. He couldn't afford to rest. They could 't afford to rest. But Sergio, his Sese and the love of his life wanted to be a clingy and cuddly octopus. Sometimes Iker wondered how they even ended up together. He still remembered when Raúl and Guti had passed down their legacy to him. It had been an honor. Being the king of Madrid was the greatest thing to happen. Although their politics were messed up by Florentino Perez. That guy was shady as hell. He had tried to dethrone Iker a few times. To no avail. People loved him. They called him San Iker. And Iker only worked for his people. He had their trust, they had his.

Rubbing the sleep from his eyes Iker really needed to get up. The meeting with David and Beckenbauer and the others had been postponed. They would meet up at the end of January. This was a double-edged sword. One the one hand it would be more useful to meet earlier to exchange information and or tactics. On the other hand they would have more time to collect information. Meetings in person were safer to handle. Per video-chat there was always the risk of being intercepted. Thankfully all of the leaders had accepted his request. Even Xavi and Iniesta would be there. There was no bad blood between the three being rivals didn't mean they wanted each other dead. It was just a competition. Iker knew that both Xavi and Iniesta knew that a common goal was more.important that a mere competition. El Clasico could wait until they were done with this. 

Sergio stirred besides him and snuggled up to his chest. You could say whatever you wanted about Sergio Ramos. That he was too brutal when he killed someone. That he liked to even torture their targets to a degree. But in the end he did all of that to protect his family. That's what they did they were hitmen. There was nothing nice or good about that. Everyone who did that job knew that. Iker applauded Toni Kroos for wanting out. It was no easy task. Most of them had been "born" into it. There was nothing else they knew. Football was the only safe haven all of them had. It distracted them. United them. Saved them. If one did not have something to hold on to the job would drive them insane. Iker had seen that happen. Had seen men, strong men, good men, crumble and crawl because everything got too much. There were organisations that didn't allow mingling between members. Didn't allow relationships because they corrupted and made one weak. Perez had tried to forbid that. As long as Iker was king of Madrid that would never happen. Having a companion, a friend, a lover in this job they all did was like a lifeline. It kept you sane. It gave you a reason to hold on. 

Iker snapped out of his thoughts when he felt soft lips on his cheek. He smiled mostly to himself. Sergio was murmuring against his cheek sleepily. If Iker would let him, Sergio would sleep the whole day. Sergio was still the head of security he couldn't sleep the whole day. Iker lectured him all the time because of that. They were like an old married couple. Only they weren't that old. And Iker had managed to make a honest man out of Serio Ramos García. Which resulted in Pereź wanting him out even more. Both Iker and Sergio had laughed at that. As long as the people of Madrid wanted him no one could dethrone him. Iker never cared about the throne. Never. He just wanted his people to be safe. One day he knew he would have to retire but not now. Affectionatly the King of Madrid ran his hand through his husbands hair. Sometimes he wishes Sergio hadn't cut of his long locks of hair. To Iker he was the most beautiful man even with short hair and a beard. Which made him look extremely hot. Iker wasn't against that. I man had his needs after all.

Shaking his husband slightly Iker wondered if this war was even worth it. All of them had lost too much already. Sergio protested and shoved his husbands hands away. If Sergio wouldn't wake up like that Iker had to take drastic measures. Which consisted of tickling him, kiss him awake like sleeping beauty or throw him out of the bed. Iker decided he could be nice today. Bending down he kissed his partners lips softly. Waiting for a reaction. He knew Sergio was awake. After a few seconds he was kissed back. Hungrily. Iker sighed. Morning kisses were still the best ones. Slow. Lazy. Beautiful. The king of Madrid always felt like a teenager in love after that. Always. They were grown ass man. Married grown ass man who had way too many children. Iker sometimes laughed at the irony. A family didn't have to consist of blood. Even if they were killers they were still capable of love. This family they had created would stay with them even after they retired. "Sese we have to get up amor." Sergio shook his head which was still hidden in his lovers chest. With a swift movement Iker had hoisted both of them up and ushered Sergio out of the bed.

The king of Madrid and his second in command descended down the stairs as if they were actual royalty. All eyes were fixed on them. Iker knew Sergio was enjoying it. His husband was still a diva deep down although he would never admit it out loud. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Luqui sitting with Toni. Sergio grinned wildly next to him. He clapped his husband on his butt and wiggled his eyebrows. The king of Madrid rolled his eyes in fake annoyance and went to sit on his "throne". Sergio sat on his left. The common dining room was a room full of round tables which allowed up to 6 people per table. Iker and Sergio had their own of course. Marcelo, Luka and Pepe joined them. The seat on Ikers right remained empty. Suddenly Sergio sprang up again and headed towards Lucas table. He grinned wildly when he saw Lucas flush in embarrassment. The second in command hugged Lucas from behind. "Luqui." Sergio frowned when he saw that Isco and Nacho were sitting on another table. The three of them were usually inseparable. 

After Sergio had left Toni looked up at Lucas in question. He heard Lucas sigh. Nacho was looking at their table. Isco was looking at his food stubbornly and was hissing things at his boyfriend. Glancing at Lucas he could see the sadness practically radiating from him. "Luqui maybe you should talk to him ??", the blond reasoned. Suddenly Nacho appeared behind them. Toni remained unfazed there was barely anything that startled him anyway. He saw Nacho ruffle Lucas' hair affectionatly. Some things Toni couldn't make out were whispered between them. After that Lucas smiled like the literal sun again. And Nacho was back with Isco. Toni looked at Lucas and cocked his head curiously. The Spaniard was giggling. It made Tonis heart beat a little bit faster. Which he ignored and turned his attention to the egg in front of him. The dining room had filled already. It was very loud. Manu joined them. Despite their language barrier he tried to chat with Lucas. Toni was really grateful for his friend right now. And of course the love of his life Ms.Nutella was there with him. Some of them speculated Manu slept with the jar under his pillow.

After Lunch Toni was practically dragged to Isco and Nachos room. He tried to get Lucas to release him from the death grip on his shirt. To no avail. The Spaniard was stubborn and dragged Toni with him. If it would have been any other person Toni could have easily broken free. But Lucas wanted to show him something so he let himself be dragged. Literally. Nacho opened the door grinning wildly. Nacho let them in and Toni noticed Iscos and Nachos room was huge. Their bed was on the left side. The right side was full. A huge flat-screen was mounted on the wall. Two PS4 were sitting on a table. Armchairs and two couches were on either side. For perfect comfortablity when playing. Lucas pushed Toni to one couch and sat him down. Then he went to sit on the other couch waiting for Nacho. Said Spaniard was dragging his grumpy boyfriend after him. Laughing loudly. Isco was plopped down next to Toni. 

Isco was about to growl at the German when a joy-stick was shoved in his face. He narrowed his eyes and grunted in Nachos direction who just chuckled amused. Toni sighed. He really didn't want to be in this situation. He could understand Isco and Toni was too tired to fight with anyone. Of course their boys wanted to play FIFA. Toni wasn't surprised in the slightest. That's what they did in Germany too. To just forget for a little while. Forget they killed people for a living. And just to enjoy their friends company. It was nice. Toni and Isco lost their first game. They weren't coordinated at all. Lucas and Nacho grinned at eachother and high-fived. Toni could literally feel Isco brood next to him. Suddenly he was pulled in Isco personal space. The Spaniards arm around his neck. He was speaking in Spanish. Fast. Toni grinned. They won the next three games in a row. It was fun. Toni laughed a lot. It felt freeing. Iscos arm was still around his shoulder after that. Lucas smiled at him brightly. Toni could feel his face heat up. After Nachos and Lucas' great plan had worked perfectly Toni was pulled aside by Isco. The German looked at him curiously. "I am sorry, he heard Isco low voice, just don't hurt Luqui." Toni just nodded.


	10. Sometimes blood is not thicker than water

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toni finally accepts his feelings for Lucas with the help of his father figures.

Chapter 9 

For as long as Toni could remember he had hated his own birthday. The fact that January was approaching as fast as it did, didn't help with his aniexty. Most people thought he was the perfect killer, the best of his generation because he was so cold. So emotionless. The blond was standing on one of the many pitches the Santiago Bernabeau offered. The sun hadn't risen yet. Small puffy clouds escaped his mouth. It had gotten colder. Not as cold as in Germany but it had definitely gotten colder. And yet Toni was standing in the freezing cold with just a scarf and a thin training jacket. Sometimes he still had to check if he even felt something. The one year anniversary of Jessica's and Leons death was approaching. The blond felt guilty for not having thought as much as he should about them. The last 2-3 months Lucas, Isco and Nacho had distracted them. To Tonis surprise after the initial disdain he and Isco got along very well. Nacho was a package deal of course. Toni hadn't minded. They kept his mind of things. That's what made Toni feel guilty at the same time though.

Staring at the horizon, his hands stuffed deep into his pockets, the first rays broke through the dark. Toni thought it was kind of ironic. It was just a matter of time before the darkness would engulf all of their minds eventually. He had long accepted that his family was dead. It didn't matter how many times Lucas kept distracting him, avenging them was still in the back of his mind. Shoved in the farthest corner for now. It didn't matter if he waited a few months more. The cool December air was welcoming. It reminded him of Munich. Of home. Toni shook his head, he hadn't really had a place to call home in nearly a year. The Santiago Bernabeau was nice and all but it wasn't home. Not really. Lucas made staying here a lot more bearable. Lucas. Toni sighed. This situation with the Spaniard was still complicated to him. Toni couldn't let go of Jessica. Lucas had never pushed him though. Always so understanding. Keeping the darkness away for a while longer. But Lucas didn't deserve someone as broken as Toni. 

Because if Toni was honest to himself, he was broken. He had been broken since he had been about 10 years old. He had asked himself a lot of times what Jessica had seen in him. What Miro had seen in him. What Lucas saw in him right now. Glancing up at the sky it was slowly painted a deep red. Toni chuckled at the irony. It looked like blood. Who could love a killer like him anyway ?? That's what his father had always said. The blond had a deep burning hatred for his father. He knew he should love his father and bla bla bla. If he thought about it in the end his father had created the monster he was now. Slowly molding and shaping it. Because some parents only saw their own pain. In hindsight Toni thought it was funny. Hurting your own child because one felt like it, was the greatest sin of them all. Toni had loved Leon with all his heart. He still did. He had been so incredibly happy. And he had sworn to himself to be a better father than his own. He had failed. 

People had asked him how he could be as cold hearted as he was. Toni had just shrugged most of the time. He wasn't really social or talkative. He really didn't like people all that much if he was being honest. Of course Miro and Die Mannschaft were his family. They had a place in his heart like Jessica and Leon. And now this Spaniard was in his heart too. Although Toni would never admit that. There was still a voice that told him, he didn't deserve the Spaniards friendship. And his love nonetheless. Toni knew Lucas was in love with him. He may be cold but he wasn't dense. Jessica had looked at him exactly the same way. And yet the Spaniard respected his wishes and said being friends was perfectly fine. Toni sighed loudly. It wasn't fair to either of them. Lucas deserved someone else. Someone who could love him. Toni was the wrong person. And still the Spaniard remained glued to his side. Offering comfort and friendship and love. 

The sun was way up in the sky when Toni looked up again. His mind was still as dark as ever. The blond was tired of it. He knew he wouldn't be able to rest until he had killed the ones who killed his family. It was just a matter of time. Miro kept telling him to talk to Lucas. Because Miro was Miro and he knew everything. That Tonis cold heart had been slowly melted. He couldn't. Not because he was scared of being with a man. He was way past the angst stage. Toni just felt he was not good enough. That he wasn't worth it. Jessica had been too good for him too. Toni had always known that. Everything he touched slowly but surely died. Miro had said that was bullshit. Toni had tried. Had tried to fight the demons. Had tried to get his father's voice out of his head. Had tried to convince himself that he deserved to give it a try. With Lucas. But the demon had whispered in his ear. Cruelly and mockingly. No one could love a monster. Everything was temporary. He had, had Jessica and then lost her. Toni couldn't bear losing Lucas too.

Shaking his head forcefully to shake the thought away a warm hand was on his shoulder. By now Toni knew who it was. A breath was blown through his nose to keep his heart from racing. His eyes were closed. He just wanted to enjoy the moment for a little while. Lucas never said anything. Just stayed by his side like an unshakable rock. And for now the demons were at bay. For now. When Toni finally turned to look at Lucas, said one smiled at him brightly. Lucas was really competing with the sun here. Tonis lips quirked upward. Giving the Spaniard a small smile. He was tugged by the arm and out of the cold. It had been snowing in Madrid which made the city looked even more beautiful. Iker had said they would celebrate Christmas. Even in those dark times they needed some light. Iker had send Sergio and few others to get a tree. It was huge and Toni thought he knew they had it from. Florentino Perez backyard. The Spaniards were fearless. They just had stolen the largest pine tree from their presidents backyard. Toni had laughed at that. 

Of course Christmas and New Year were incredibly loud. The tree was set up. It looked majestic. It was so big it nearly touched the ceiling. Marcelo and Lucas were jumping up and down excidetly. They loved decorating the Christmas tree. That's what they did every year. Thank goodness the Santiago Bernabeau was big enough. Boxes with ornaments were carried inside by Gareth, Karim and Pepe. Toni could see Lucas' eyes light up at that. In the midest of decorating Toni and a few others were either covered in silver and red tinsel or were trapped in garland. Poor Per was covered in both because he was a gentle giant. It was funny. Isco threw red tinsel inside of his hoodie. And Toni just shook his head and went to change. He passed Manu who was eating a candy cane cowered in Nutella. The fake beard he was wearing was already smeared with chocolate goo. Toni just shook his head disgusted. Who ate Nutella and a candy cane together anyway ?? Turning around Toni observed Lucas who was standing on a ladder and was listening to Sergio sing. It was very bad singing mind you. It got worse when Raphael and Karim joined in as well.

Even Manu and Mats and the others joined it. Singing and drinking. By the time the 26th December rolled around most of his friends were in the floor snoring softly or still in drinking competitions against Luka and Marcelo. Well only Marcelo because Luka had been so drunk he had passed out in Marcelos lap. The Brazilians hand running through the blond locks as the Croatian snored softly. Surprisingly he and Marcelo were on good terms. The Brazilian was extremely funny. Toni had to admit that. Isco and Nacho were dozing off on one of couches and Lucas was hiccuping next to him. Toni barely drank he had just stuck to water. "Antoooonio", Lucas slurred happily and lay his forehead on Tonis shoulder drunkenly. Either Toni was a masochist or just a bad person really. He enjoyed the attention the Spaniard gave him. Even the little touches. He was way into deep anyway. But he didn't want to break Lucas heart. By rejecting him because Toni himself didn't feel worthy. 

Out of the corner of his eye he could see Miro look at him. Of course his mentor wasn't drunk. He could hold his liquor fairly well being born in Poland. Miro had never drunk much anyway. Toni knew he missed his kids and wife. Toni loved Miros twins. They were incredible. "Antoniooo", Lucas slurred again and nuzzled his neck. Toni sighed and hoisted the Spaniard up. Supporting him with his own body they made their way upstairs to the bedrooms. Lucas was gently lay on the bed and Toni tucked him in. Like his mother had done with him. Like he had done with Leon. The blond turned around to leave when he felt a hand sneak around his wrist. Trying to keep his heartbeat from exploding Toni drew in a breath carefully. He knew Lucas could feel his pulse point. His wrist was tugged in the direction of the bed. Toni tried to ignore it. Lucas was drunk and Toni had no intention of taking advantage of that. None at all. "Antonio", the Spaniard whined. The blond had to stay strong. "Don't leave me alone Antonio. Por favor." As gently as he could he untangled Lucas hand from his wrist. He could hear the Spaniard make an unhappy noise. "Te amo Antonio", he whispered barely audibly. Toni had heard it. He had been trained to hear things. Gritting his teeth he shut the door softly. He felt like crying. He was such an ass for giving the poor guy hope. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Angry with himself he punched the wall in front of him. His father had been right. He was a horrible human being. 

Miro found him an hour later. Toni had hid his face in his hands while sitting in front of Lucas door. Gently his mentor helped him up and directed him to the kitchen. He was sat on a stool and given a steaming mug. Hot chocolate. Raising an eyebrow at his mentor confused he sipped at the drink carefully. Iker joined them. Which surprised Toni greatly. The king of Madrid usually stayed out of their hair. Miro offered him a mug too. Which was accepted greatfully. Both Iker and Miro were looking at him expectedly. All of a sudden Toni felt small. Not intimidated like he had felt with his father just small. In theory both of those men in front of him were father figures to him. Neither Iker nor Miro said a word. They just waited patiently for him to talk. The habit of biting his lip when he felt nervous returned and Toni ran a hand through his hair. "Tell him how you feel", he heard Ikers kind voice. Toni shook his head forcefully. He couldn't. "Why ??" Ikers voice cut through the silence like a knife. Toni felt himself shrug. Tears threatened to fall from his eyes. Since when had he become such a pussy. For just thinking of crying his father would have given him 20 slaps. "He is not here", he heard Miros voice. That man now knew what he thought too ??

A headache was approaching Toni could feel it. He opened his mouth to say something but Miro held out his hand and stopped him. Both Iker and Miro looked at him understandingly. They weren't judging him. Toni knew he didn't deserve their kindness. He covered his eyes with his hand. He was so tired. Tired of all of this. His own cowardness disgusted him. And then he just let go and cried. Both Iker and Miro were rubbing his back soothingly. "It's ok", he heard them say. He didn't deserve any of this. Miro enveloped him in a tight hug. The blond just let him. Clinging to him like a lifeline. Iker ran his hand through his blond hair softly. "You deserve to be happy", they told him. Both of them had placed one of their hands on his cheek. Smiling encouragingly. Toni felt himself nod. He would tell Lucas after New Year. Iker and Miro smiled at him proudly. In the end he had the best father's he could wish for. Supporting and loving. His own father didn't even matter in that moment anymore. Toni felt like a bird who had just unfolded his wings. Ready to learn how to fly.


	11. Calm before the storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toni and Lucas finally get their shit together.

Chapter 10 

Mentally exhausted Toni returned to his room. He took a couple of breaths. It was then that he noticed parcels on his bed. He frowned confused. Toni didn't need any presents. Yes, he understood it was Christmas but still. Toni rounded his bed and looked at the packages. A small rectangular package and a long slim one were sitting on his pillow. Toni decided to open the bigger one first to get it out of the way. He unwrapped the paper carefully. His eyebrows rose in surprise. His Claymore was laying in his hands. The familiar weight of the sword was oddly comforting. Miro had kept it safe for him. Even though Toni was no official assassin anymore he would have liked to keep the sword. He had forged it himself. Carefully he leant it against the nightstand. Then he proceeded to unwrap the second one. A book was laying in Tonis hands. The blond smiled to himself. Brothers Grimm. It was the same book Lucas had brought him when he had been imprisoned. He recognized it by the slightly broken spine. Toni hoped Lucas would like the present he had bought him. Most of them had been too drunk to unwrap so they would probably open them in the morning anyway. Tonis mind wandered to Jessica and Leon.

Lucas head felt like it had been stuck in cotton. He still cursed Isco and Nacho but Isco for the most part, for getting him drunk. The room was spinning. Getting up from the bed his foot hit something hard. Lucas yelped in pain and cursed in Spanish. Damn Isco for leaving his shit all over in his room. Not their room Lucas' room. Angrily and groggy he picked up the present. It was heavy. Lucas was hungover he didn't remember much from yesterday. Him and Isco doing a competition. Toni had been there too. If Isco and Nacho weren't here who brought him to bed ?? Iker ?? His head pounded uncomfortably and he threw the gift on his bed. It was heavy. Frowning he went to unpack it. It didn't matter anyway. There was a note and a wooden box. Carefully Lucas opened it and his eyes widened. It was a chess piece set. Made out of glass. Lucas loved chess. Isco and Nachito had bought him something together then. He unfolded the note. It wasn't from them though. It was from Toni. Lucas' heart skipped a beat. He wanted to cry. He wouldn't though.

As silently as he could Lucas made his way downstairs. He needed an Aspirin and he had to find someone to ask of he had said anything stupid to Toni. Lucas panicked he had the habit of taking too much when he drank. That's why he refused to participate in these drinking competitions anyway. Germans and Spaniards and other members of his organisation were sprawled on the floor. Snoring and drooling. He had to find Isco and shake him awake. And he needed an Aspirin. But first Isco. The pounding in his head got worse and he decided to take the Aspirin first. Isco wouldn't run away. Drowning the medicine and water Lucas sighed in relief. He already felt a little bit better. Isco and Nacho were half laying on the couch and half on the floor. Lucas poked his best friend in the ribs. No reaction. He tried shaking him awake. Isco just snored and snuggled closer to Nacho. Sighing loudly Lucas decided to let them sleep. His answers would still be there. He hoped at least.

Three hours later and everyone was still asleep. Lucas got extremely anxious. God what if he had tried to kiss Toni. Or worse what if he had said something stupid. He went up and down the room throwing his hands in the air frustrated. Ohh god hopefully he hadn't done something stupid. "Luqui ??" Lucas flinched and turned around fearfully. Thank god it was only Iker. Who was the responsible one and had stayed sober the whole night. Everything was still too loud and Lucas couldn't identify voices as good after a hangover. A glass of water was shoved in his face. Which Lucas accepted gratefully. Sergio must have been so drunk he would sleep all day long. "Capi ??", Lucas voice broke the silence, scared. Iker just smiled at him reassuringly. Kneading his sweaty hands nervously Lucas couldn't look at Iker who was drinking his coffee in silence. Wiping his sweaty hands on his pants Lucas glanced up at Iker chewing on his lip. "You worry too much, nothing happened Luqui." Lucas sagged in relief and his head hit the table loudly. Ikers coffee cup clattering lightly. 

After what seemed forever Toni woke up. He had dreamt of Jessica. She had been on an open field. Surrounded by trees and the sun just rising. She wore that white beautiful dress Toni had bought her for their first anniversary. She looked breathtaking. She waved at Toni smiling. Leon was running around them in circles. A paper plane in hand. It looked peaceful. Toni stopped in front of her. Jessica took his hand in hers, rubbing her finger on his ring lightly. Tonis eyes never left hers. Leon had hugged his leg laughing. His wife cupped his cheek and leaned their foreheads together. And Toni just breathed. "Let me go Toni." A shiver ran down Tonis spine. She kissed his lips softly. It felt incredibly real. Like she was saying goodbye to him. One last time. Setting him free from his guilt and his burden. When he opened his eyes Jessica and Leon were gone.The open field seemed even bigger without them. And then he fell. Into an endless abyss. The magic broke and Toni opened his eyes slowly.

A tear ran down his cheek. And then he just breathed. Lucas gift was sitting on the nightstand next to Jessica's letter and a photograph of Leon and Jessica. Toni didn't believe in superstitions or the supernatural. That dream had felt so real Toni couldn't shake it off. Yawning he made his way to the kitchen barefoot. A hoodie was slung over his shoulders. Lucas hoodie. The Spaniard had forgotten it in his room the last time they had hung out there. It kept him nice and warm. The blond was greeted with snoring. Loud snoring. He sighed at least the house would be quiet that was a plus. Making his way to the kitchen he saw Iker sitting on a stool, reading a newspaper and drinking coffee. When the Spaniard noticed him he smiled at him. Toni ducked his head. He was still embarrassed about his breakdown earlier. Then he noticed Lucas snoozing on the table. The blond ran a hand through the Spaniards short hair. It felt weird. It was really short. Toni didn't mind and started to tickle Lucas behind his ear. It was entertaining seeing Lucas stir up and look around confused. Toni laughed loudly. Everyone was still asleep anyway. Iker had left unnoticed.

Lucas had tensed up when he had felt the hand on his head. And then he had heard the laugh. Toni was awake and teasing him huh ?? The Spaniard shook the blond lightly and their faces were inches apart. Lucas could feel his face heat up and the turned around to get a bottle of water from the fridge. He was shaking. If he would have leaned in just a few inches he would have kissed Toni. His heart was racing. A hand on his shoulder made him spill all his water. The bottle fell to the floor soundlessly. Making a mess. "Sorry", Toni apologized. And then he was pulled into a hug. Lucas tensed at first. Usually Toni didn't initiate hugs. He was the one who did that. Lucas felt himself relax. His arms winding up and around Tonis waist. Grabbing the fabric of the hoodie tightly. His hoodie mind you. Toni was a sly bastard. Now he was wearing Lucas' stuff. Thank god Toni couldn't see that Lucas was as red as a tomato. Thank god. Lucas noticed that the blond had fully relaxed against him. His forehead was laying against the Spaniards shoulder. Swallowing Lucas found the courage to react. He slowly nuzzled his nose against Tonis neck. Just barely touching him. Just as Lucas was about to breathe in Toni scent a noise made them pull apart aprubtly.

Of course his namesake had to ruin the moment. Podolski looked at them disgusted. He scrunched his nose at them and bumped Lucas shoulder while passing them by. Muttering mostly to himself. Podolski never said a word and left again with a glass in hand. Tonis warm hand was still on his waist. Lucas chewed on his lip nervously. He could hear Tonis breath next his ear. "Are you ok ??" Lucas just nodded and smiled at him brightly. As long as Toni was there nothing would ruin Lucas' mood. Nothing. Not even Lukas Podolski. Lucas however could see Tonis anger radiate from the sapphire blue orbs. Toni didn't look at him. His jaw was set and his eyebrows frowned in annoyance. His lips curled into a thin stiff line. Lucas build up the courage and let his hand travel up Tonis neck to soothe him. Fortunately the German relaxed and the tension in his shoulders left. Tonis arm was still on his waist loosely. Gently Lucas tugged at Tonis arm and lead them upstairs to Tonis room. They had to talk.

Tonis hand stayed on Lucas' wrist all the way until they reached Tonis bedroom. The blond was so embarrassed because of that, that he kept staring at his feet the whole time. He was sure his head was redder than a tomato. "Antonio it's ok", he heard Lucas whisper next to him. Toni wasn't sure of that. He took in a breath to calm himself. Doubt started to flood his mind again. Maybe he should stop this before it even started. Nothing had happened they had just hugged. A hug was something friends did all the time. In the end Toni knew that the dream he had, had about Jessica had been a sign. But still his own insecurity dominated his mind. There was still time until New Year. He would figure out how to talk to Lucas about that. Or maybe not. His problem was just that he had no idea how to tell the Spaniard. Toni was too shy to kiss him or make the first move. He knew it would be Lucas' first kiss. Maybe that's what scared him so much. Not being good enough. His mind was playing with him again. 

Running his hand over his face frustrated Toni stopped. Lucas hand was still on his wrist. Warm. Comforting. The blond shook his head. He couldn't do it. What if it didn't work out and he would lose Lucas as a friend. Toni didn't want to risk that. "Antonio ??" Lucas concerned voice made his knees go weak and he avoided looking at the Spaniard. Those brown puppy eyes would suffocate him. Toni knew for a fact that Lucas was strong. Maybe not physically strong but mentally. He was certainly no puppy. They were grown ass men. Toni had never considered himself a coward. Not while doing his job. But now, now he felt like one. Like a coward who couldn't even admit he liked someone. Jessica had been the one to make a move on him all those years ago. He would have been too shy to talk to a girl like her. Best hit man of his generation his ass. Toni scoffed. He couldn't even confess his feelings because he didn't know how to. 

Toni didn't even notice that Lucas had sat him down on the bed. The Spaniards hands were on Tonis shoulders. The blond had closed his eyes. He could feel his neck flush in embarrassment. God he was so awkward. Toni had always known that he had bee n different. Lucas snapped him out of his thoughts by placing a hand on his cheek. "Is this ok ??" Every fibre in Tonis being relaxed. He melted against the warm hand on his cheek and he sighed. Lucas' hand traveled down his neck playing lightly with the short hair. Before it came to a halt on the blonds shoulder. Pushing at him lightly. Grounding him. It felt nice. Really nice. Toni licked at his dry lips nervously. The Spaniards hand was stroking his jaw and if Lucas wanted to kiss him right now Toni wouldn't complain. At all. The hand on his jaw left and Toni felt himself shiver. Opening his eyes slowly he saw Lucas look at his own feet. Lucas was chewing on his lip nervously. "Let us try", Tonis voice broke through the silence. He saw Lucas' head snap upward. His eyes wide. Like he couldn't believe what Toni was offering him. Toni smiled at him reassuringly.

Mustering up the courage Lucas who was still standing, bent down slightly. Toni had relaxed and had closed his eyes again. Lucas swallowed hard before he closed his own eyes. His body slack. Before he could touch Tonis lips he jerked away. A knock startled him. The bedroom door had been opened. Lucas felt himself flush. One of Tonis friends, Mats if Lucas recalled correctly, peaked inside. Toni had stood up and walked to the door. The magic had been broken and Lucas felt himself sag disappointed. "Sorry about that", he heard Toni say. Lucas felt himself shrug maybe this was a sign. Maybe they weren't meant to be. Lucas could see it with Iker and Sergio or Isco and Nacho. They were soul mates. Lucas had never been jealous of his friends. Why should he it was their own happiness not his. There was nothing to judge about that. He was happy that his friends were happy. Lucas had never had a crush before. Or had been in love. People weren't really interested in him. Maybe because he was small or he wasn't handsome enough. Lucas had never cared to be honest.

New Year rolled around fast. Really fast. Sergio and Gareth had smuggled in fireworks. Some were really big. They usually set their fireworks off on the pitches. That's where the most room was. Iker had already prepared everything mostly with the help of Philipp and Bastian. Every thing they were doing was precious. No one knew if in the next year all of them would be present. Not all of their members were here. Some were still deep undercover and couldn't celebrate. That's how it always had been. Once Iker and the others had to celebrate without Raúl and Guti because both of their leaders had been away. Sergio was counting down loudly. Lucas could see the couples. Everyone was ready to kiss their respective partner. Iker and Sergio. Isco and Nacho. Höwedes and Hummels. Schweinsteiger and Lahm. Of course there was Neuer and his beloved jar of Ms.Nutella. Toni appeared next to him. "Hi", he said softly. Maybe it would work now, Lucas thought hopefully. Tonis arm was around his waist and he had cupped his cheek. Lucas could see Toni blushing. Fireworks roared and the blond was about to lean in when they bumped into eachother. Nearly falling over. Jese turned to them and apologized hastily. Lucas sighed maybe this really wasn't meant to be. Both of them looked at their feet uncomfortable.

Miroslav had told Lucas when Tonis birthday was. He had to help the poor kids after all. Lucas had decided that it would be a good opportunity for their first kiss. They waited for so long they could wait 4 more days right ?? Miro had organized a party for Tonis birthday. It would be a surprise. Toni really hated his birthday. He had only celebrated it because Jessica had begged him. She had wanted him to enjoy it. Toni had enjoyed it with his family and even with the Mannschaft. But this year he had no intention of celebrating. Toni had hid in his room all day. Just laying in bed. The only one he had let in had been Lucas. Who was sitting against the bed and had brought his glass chess set. The one Toni had gifted him. Coaxing Toni out of bed slowly Lucas tried to teach him how to play some chess. Just to distract him. After some while the Spaniard saw Tonis mood worsen. "Antonio ??" The blond looked up from the black knight in his hand. Lucas gently took the knight from Toni and placed it on the floor. "Kiss me, make me forget", he heard the blond say. Lucas swallowed and moved closer to the blond. 

Toni never moved when he felt Lucas warm hands on his cheeks. He heard Lucas shaky breath. Toni kept his eyes closed. Their noses bumped together when Lucas leaned in. Toni waited for Lucas to make the first move. His hands on the Spaniards hips encouragingly. And then, then Lucas just kissed him. Their lips barely touching at first. Lucas hand curled in Tonis neck. Playing with his hair. The blonds head was tilted back. His eyes closed. Lucas got braver and deepened the kiss slightly. "Happy Birthday Antonio", Toni heard him whisper against his lips.


	12. The Demon King

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toni and Lucas spend Tonis birthday together. We get to know how Toni got his nickname.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for attempted rape/harassment. Depictions of violence.

Chapter 11 

Lucas' warm hands send a shiver through Tonis spine. It felt nice. Lucas was clearly nervous the kiss had been clumsy. But not unwelcome. It had felt nice. It hadn't been the best kiss Toni had ever had but it made his mind go blank. It distracted him. Toni thought it was kind of cute that Lucas hid his face in the crook of his neck. The poor guy was so embarrassed. Tonis hand had been on the small of the Spaniards back the whole time. Reassuringly. A shaky breath escaped Lucas lips. Toni could feel him blush. After what seemed forever the blond opened his eyes slowly. Lucas was chewing his lip nervously. "Hi", the blond said his voice soft. A hand caressed the Spaniard cheek and Lucas finally relaxed. "Hola", he whispered. Toni licked his lips slightly. "Thank you." Lucas beamed at him and then he blushed again and hidding his face in his hands.

Gently Toni removed Lucas' hands from his face. His fingertips tracing the Spaniards jawline. With a small huff Lucas let himself fall against the German. His arms sneaking around his waist. His head pillowed on Tonis shoulder. Breathing in the Germans scent. It reminded him of a forest after it had rained. A hint of ocean mixed into it. It reminded him of Spain. It reminded him of home. Lucas never moved. Sitting in Tonis lap he doze off on slowly. When he suddenly jerked awake remembering something. Tonis chin was on his shoulder. He was taken by surprise when Lucas moved away from him. A sigh escaped Tonis mouth as Lucas' body heat left making him shiver slightly. The Spaniard was searching through his hoodie, which Toni observed amusingly. He stretched his neck curiously. Maybe Lucas was just searching his phone. With shaky legs Lucas turned to him. A small black box in hand. Toni rose an eyebrow. 

This time Lucas sat next to Toni. Their knees brushing. The small box was clutched tightly in the Spaniards hand. As if he was not sure if he should give it away or not. Toni waited patiently for him to decide. With a gulp and rosy cheeks the box was shoved in Tonis face. Gently the blond extracted the box from Lucas' shaky fingers. "I didn't need anything but thank you." Leaning forward he kissed Lucas forehead lightly. However before Toni got a chance to open the box there was a knock on the door. Everyone knew he hadn't wanted to see anyone. Glancing at the clock on his wrist, which read 9:47pm, he went to open the door. Ready to snarl at whoever was at the door, Toni wasn't that surprised to see Benni and Mats. Both of them grinned at him. Toni rolled his eyes in slight annoyance. He loved the guys he really did but they just ruined the moment for him. Suddenly he was pulled into a hug by both of them. His body relaxed. "We are so happy for you."

Toni sight defeated. Of course they knew. Philipp and Bastian may be the Power Couple of Die Mannschaft but Benni and Mats had been the first. Those two had been together since they had been teenagers. Toni had always admired them for that. Their love for eachother had never wavered. Their love was so strong Mats had followed Benni into the Mannschaft. They were a package deal. They were the sun and the moon. Toni had never seen anyone love like those two did. They were always together. Like they had been glued to one another. They ate together, they slept together they even fought together. Never leaving eachothers sides. Toni knew they would even die together. Death wouldn't stop them. They love eachother unconditionally. Even when all odds were stacked against them. They were best friends and lovers at the same time. That's what Toni had always admired about them. They were called the Royal Couple of Die Mannschaft for a reason.

"You kissed didn't you ??" As much as Toni loved Mats, his friend was a sly bastard. Toni felt himself blush crimson but he kept a straight face and looked at Mats unfazed. Mats stuck his tongue out to him. Out of the corner of his eye Toni saw Benni fish out a 10 Euro bill out of his pocket. Toni wasn't even surprised to see that they had bet on this. Mats grinned like he had won at the lottery. And then proceeded to kiss Benedikt on the cheek. Suddenly a hand was on Tonis shoulder and Benni and Mats smiled at him. "We are happy for you brother, really. You deserve to be happy." The blond smiled at them. It was a genuine smile. Both of them pat him on the cheek lightly. Then they wished him good night and turned around to leave. Hand in hand. Toni felt himself smile even more. He really had incredible friends. When he entered the room Lucas was still sitting against the bed. The little black box still in hand. Staring at the ceiling. 

As soon as Toni approached him, Lucas sat up.  
"Everything ok ??" Toni just smiled and kissed the side of his head. Before he sat down next to the Spaniard again. Waiting. The small black box was placed in his open palm. Toni waited for Lucas' permission before opening it. A nod was the only thing he got. Carefully he opened the lid and a necklace lay in his hand. It was made out of silver. A figure, an angel was engraved in it. Archangel Michael St.Patron of soldiers was depicted. Since hitman or/and assassins didn't have a patron Michael was as good as one were to get. Tonis eyes widened and he looked between Lucas and the small necklace. "It's for your birthday. A lucky charm to keep you safe." The pendant looked worn and the silver had clearly oxydited. "It was yours." It wasn't a question, it was a statement. "It's a lucky charm, for protection." Lucas looked at him unwavering. "I can't accept it", Toni said with a small voice. He couldn't. A determined look appeared on the Spaniards face, he snatched the necklace from Tonis open palm and proceeded to tie it around the Germans neck. 

Toni touched the pendant lightly. He knew Lucas wouldn't take no for an answer. "Thank you", he whispered, his voice nearly breaking from emotion. He kissed Lucas on the lips lightly. Coming from a religious family Toni hadn't really believed in God. He had gone to church because that's what his parents wanted him to do. If Lucas said the pendant would protect him, it would. Lucas believed and that was enough for Toni. Glancing at his wristwatch it read 11pm. Lucas was cuddled up to his chest barely trying to stay awake. The chess piece set had been moved to the table. Just so it wouldn't break. Toni was still sitting against the bed. His hand running through Lucas' hair lightly. They should probably go to sleep. The Spaniard grumbled in protest when Toni moved. "Just a little bit longer Antonio", he whined like a small child who hadn't gotten his candy for Christmas. Toni thought it was cute.

However Toni had no intention of letting Lucas leave. The Spaniard had gotten up and was rubbing his eyes sleepily. Today had been too exciting for him. He stood on his toes to kiss Toni goodnight but the German had other plans. "Stay", he whispered against Lucas' lips. To be honest Toni didn't want to be alone today. He knew he was selfish and this thing, this relationship, if it even was one had just started but he didn't want to be alone today. Toni could feel the demons waiting. Waiting for Lucas to leave. Waiting for the light to fade so that they could feed on Tonis pain. Lucas let himself be directed towards the unmade bed. He knew Toni was a shy and inexperienced as he was. He just didn't want to be alone. Lucas understood. He trusted Toni not to do anything. Toni stayed on his side, Lucas on the other. The Spaniard kissed him lightly again before settling on against the pillows. Toni was already out cold. A hand on Lucas wrist lightly. As if to check that Lucas was real or not. It was painful to watch. The pure agony of just feeling lonely and in pain.

Taking a man's life hadn't never been easy. For Toni at least. Watching the life breath out of someone, watching the spark in their eyes fade to a dull ache. It was like watching a wave swallow someone. Slowly. Painfully. Watching as the person's blood coated ones hands. Stepping in their blood and painted the ground red. It was horrible. Watching their guts spill out because one had sliced them up with a knife or sword. Watching as their brain hit the ground when one had been shot through the head. A disgusting mass smearing the pavement they walked on crimson. The first time Toni had killed someone he vomited right after. The person's blood was splattered on his face. His hands a deep red. He had shaken. Even when he had gotten up close and sliced it's neck from behind. Miro had gently helped him up. Because Toni knew his legs felt like jelly and he wouldn't be able to support himself. That had been the first trial to get into Die Mannschaft. Toni had been angry at his father. His rage dominating his mind. 

When he finally made it into Die Mannschaft everyone was incredibly competitive. He befriended Thomas Müller, who was very ambitious. Always trying to be the best in everything. His goal was to break Miroslavs record. Who was still active at that time. An incredible kill count of 230 in about 7 years. They were still young and in training. Until 2010 when Tonis group became official assassins. Thomas Müller and Mesut Özil were in his group. Benedikt Höwedes and Mats Hummels and Manuel Neuer. They were regarded as the new generation. That's when they all got to choose their own weapons. And were finally let on missions alone without supervising. At first Toni had, had no intention of even having a kill count. He didn't care. The only one who mattered was Jessica. Waiting patiently for him at home. Toni wasn't even good at killing. He was sloppy and messy. There were a lot that were better than him. Not that Toni was proud of what they were doing. Not in the slightest.

Everything changed when he, Thomas and Manuel had been assigned a mission in Bremen. Their target was a business man by the name of Reinhard Schäfer. A man in his mid fifties early sixties. Thomas and Manuel had been in position. Since the used firearms. Toni had to be close to his target since he used a sword. Toni had been hiding in the air vents. Schäfer was sitting in his office. Typing on his laptop. When a young man entered, a stack of files in hand. When the boy was about to leave, Toni saw Schäfer groping him. The boy was pushed into the table. Clearly uncomfortable. As Schäfer looked at him like a predator. That's when Toni had enough. Their mission details had been clear you only got a go when the target was alone. Toni didn't care in that moment. He kicked the air vent open forcefully and jumped out. His Claymore already in hand. He wouldn't stand there and watch a boy get harassed or worse raped by a fucking old man. He wouldn't. Schäfer hissed at him. Asking who he was and what he wanted. His hand still in the boys hip. Toni was burning. 

With such strength Toni didn't know he even had, he snapped Schäfer's wrist. Breaking the bone effectively. He heard Schäfer curse and reach into one of the cupboards. Toni turned around to the boy. Who was laying on the floor looking fearfully. "Leave", Toni told him crouching down. The boy scrambled away. He didn't have to see this. When Toni turned around Schäfer had pointed a gun at him. Rolling his eyes annoyingly Toni whipped put his sword and cut the damn thing in half. Watching as Schäfer stared at the other half in his hand in disbelief. Making sure the boy had really left Toni approached Schäfer. Slowly. Toni was the predator here. As graceful as a tiger. In Die Mannschaft they already called him a demon due to his ice cold eyes and his stoic personality. Schäfer was with his back to the wall. Watching fearfully. Toni was offered money and jewels and other things. The only thing Toni wanted to do was kill this man. Slowly. Watching him choke on his own blood. With a swift motion of his claymore Toni had cut Schäfer's gut open and then his throat. Exactly watching him choke on his own blood. The gurgling sound he made satisfied the blond to no end. 

After the mission Tonis hands were covered in blood. His face splattered with droplets of his victim as he had cut open it's throat. He had tortured that man. He really had. Even Thomas had looked at him wide-eyed. Usually the mission was quick and easy. Toni had enjoyed watching that man. That filthy creature bleed out. Anger had build in his belly. That bastard had reminded him of his own father. Men who thought they could get whatever they wanted. Without fearing any consequences. Hurting and killing everything out of enjoyment. Thinking they were gods. Toni didn't think he was a god. He really didn't. Killing a person was always bad regardless why one did it. The more missions Toni was assigned the more ruthless he became. Even cutting off heads. Spilling guts. Toni didn't enjoy it. One would think he did. He did not. Those men just reminded him of his father. Just taking and taking and taking. Hurting everyone around them.

After a few years he had gotten the nickname:

The Demon King.


	13. Finding comfort in ones presence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toni breaks down and Lucas talks about his past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not really satisfied with this chapter.

Chapter 12

Toni opened his eyes slowly. Trying to control his breathing. A bead of sweat rolled down his eyebrow. His breathing ragged. Closing his eyes he noticed Lucas' hand on his wrist. It was incredibly comforting. Squeezing his eyes shut and shaking his head forcefully, Toni sat up slowly. Lucas' hand never leaving his wrist. The Spaniard sighed in his sleep and hid his face in the pillow. Toni observed him for a while. He took the photograph he had on the nightstand. Carefully he traced Jessica's and Leons faces with his finger. The guilt didn't feel like a overwhelming burden anymore. At least he could breathe again. Gently Toni uncurled Lucas' hand from his wrist and got up. Miro had made sure to hide all traces of a party having occurred in the first place. Tonis head was pounding. Like someone was driving a nail up his temple. It was incredibly uncomfortable. Stumbling to the kitchen Toni needed to support himself on the table. His vision swam. Black and white dots appearing behind his eyelids. Everything was spinning. And then he was falling. 

Lucas woke up disoriented. This wasn't his room. Nor Iscos or Nachos. Oh, he realized remembering. His face flushed. Tonis side of the bed was cold. Lucas was a light sleeper he would have noticed if Toni had, had a nightmare or had felt uncomfortable. Toni had told him about the nightmares. Never specifying. Folding his arms behind his head Lucas stared at the ceiling. After what seemed forever he got up. Maybe Toni regretted it ?? Maybe he had changed his mind. Lucas could feel slight panic rise up. He shook his head and went down to the kitchen. His blood froze in his veins when he saw the blond on the floor. Curled around in himself. "Antonio ??", he gently tried to get the Germans attention. Sweat had collected on Tonis forehead. His eyes shut tightly and his breathing ragged. Lucas touched his forehead which was burning. The Spaniard could see Toni grit his teeth trying not to whimper.

As fast as he could Lucas had gotten Müller-Wohlfahrt. The experienced Doctor going to work immediately. Lucas could feel himself shake. He heard the Doc curse in German as he inspected his patient. Together they brought Toni upstairs to his room. Laying him on the bed the doctor proceeded to place a wet cloth on the blonds forehead. An IV sticking out of his arm to keep him hydrated. Kids they never listened. Müller-Wohlfahrt shook his head. He pat the Spaniard on the shoulder reassuringly and left the room. All of a sudden Toni looked so small in his own bed. Looking even paler than the sheets. He was breathing fast. Mumbling to himself. Probably from feverish dreams. That's what Lucas assumed. Lucas stayed by his side all the time. Toni would shout sometimes, his voice breaking. When Lucas talked to him the blond would relax for a bit before tensing up again. As if an invisible force was before him. Something he couldn't escape.

On the third day the fever finally broke. Miro had come see Toni. Lucas had been dozing off by Tonis side. At least those two had found eachother. That was the only consoling thing Miro thought. He knew his surrogate son was still hurting. Because of his family and because of his father. He noticed the silver necklace around Tonis neck. St. Michael. A small smile crept in his lips. Lucas was good for Toni. They were good for eachother. It made the polish born incredibly happy. That they had found eachother. Suffering alone was the worst kind of pain. Miro left both of them alone. Lucas had taken Tonis hand in his. He could feel the blond tremble. Could see his lips quiver. His brows frowned in worry. His breath coming in fast puffs. Carefully Lucas lay his hand on the blonds chest. His heart was beating way too fast. As if he was panicking. Lucas knew he was. That's what it felt like when he had a panic attack. 

Gently he tried to shake the blond awake. Toni awoke with a start. A scream caught in his throat. He hid his face in his hands, shaking. "Antonio ??", Lucas tried gently a hand on the blonds shoulder comforting. Rubbing circles on Toni shoulder. However Toni looked disoriented, his eyes wide with fear. He coughed pathetically and hid his face in the blanket in front of him. Gripping it so tightly Lucas feared he would rip it apart. Toni was sobbing in the blanket. His tears staining the fabric beneath him. His knuckles had turned white as he hiccupped. His whole frame shaking. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. He hated what kind of effect his own father had on him. The nightmares were the worst. He hated them. He felt trapped in his own head. That's when he noticed a hand stroking his neck gently. Lucas. Toni knew it was him. He was so glad he wasn't alone. Lucas was talking to him in Spanish. Toni felt himself relax slightly. 

Lucas was stroking his hand lightly. The Spaniards fingers dancing on his arm. "Why ??", Toni asked suddenly making Lucas look up from the tattoos on the blonds arm. There were still tears on Tonis cheeks which slowly made their way down his chin. Falling onto Lucas hand. Tonis eyes were red and puffy from crying. The blond knew he shouldn't have cried like that. It was unmanly. Men didn't cry. That's what his father had always preached. Had made Toni feel bad and guilty about it. Robert Kroos had said his son had to be confident. And when Toni had been, he had been called arrogant. By that same person. Thinking about it now, it made Toni laugh. Self-confidence and Arrogance were divided by a very thin line. It didn't matter if you told people you were self confident in the end everything they saw was Arrogance. The doubt in Tonis mind clawed at him like a Tiger would at it's prey. Unforgiving and harsh. The voice, the demon in his head kept telling him: You are a monster. It's your fault they are dead.  
No one could love someone like you. 

Warm hands were on his cheeks Wiping away the tears slowly. Lucas' thumb caressing his cheekbone. "It's ok Antonio, it's ok", he whispered gently into his ear. Toni shook his head. It was not ok. He was weak and pathetic. Toni was crying on Lucas' shoulder. The Spaniard caressing his neck slowly trying to get the German to relax. It didn't help. Toni was still as tense as ever. Crying and sobbing. Telling him he wasn't worth it. Telling him to leave because he would get killed eventually. Telling him he was broken beyond repair. The only thing he was good for was killing. Lucas shook his head vehemently. "Te amo", Lucas whispered softly. Toni shook his head again. Lucas reached out to touch Toni but the blond avoided his hands. "Stop. Just go. Please." The Spaniard shook his head. Being alone with your demons was the worst thing one could do. However Lucas didn't budge. He stayed like a rock in a storm. Even when Toni roared at him to leave. Pushed him away from the bed. Lucas was still there. Patiently waiting. 

After a while Lucas was laying next to the blond in bed. Pressed up to Tonis side. With the blonds permission of course. The last thing Lucas wanted to do was push Toni even more. Lucas was nuzzling his neck in comfort. The blond had hid his face in his arm. Not caring what was around him. "Antonio ??", Lucas whispered softly to get his attention, he didn't get a response. Lucas sighed. "You know I blamed myself too for what happened to my father." Toni opened his eyes slowly and listened to what Lucas had to say. The Spaniard had sat up. The blanket curled in his hands. Staring at it. Toni remembered Lucas telling him about his father when they had been in the dungeon. But he hadn't really payed attention that time. The least he could do was give him his undivided attention now. Toni knew he wasn't the only one hurting here. Lucas was rumpling the blanket between his fingers nervously. He had only talked about his father to Iker. Taking a deep breath, Lucas remembered the day his father had been killed like it was yesterday.

Flashback

Lucas life in Spain was nice, rough sometimes but nice. On his 7th birthday his father had bought him a football. Lucas had been so excited. His eyes shining like he had been given the most expensive gift ever. He had jumped in his father's arms. The ball hugged to his chest. From that day on he had run around the streets of Curtis with the ball. Most of the time playing by himself. Sometimes a wall would act as a passing method. Lucas was happy. Despite knowing that his parents didn't have a lot of money. Lucas knew because one night he hadn't been able to fall asleep due to the heat. He had wanted to go downstairs for a glass of water. The light to the living room was switched on. His parents were taking in hushed voices. His mother crying in his father's arms. Upon returning to his room Lucas had hugged the ball close to his chest. He promised himself to become a professional football player so his family wouldn't have to suffer anymore. He didn't want to see his mother cry again. 

Sometimes there would be men coming to their home. Every time that happened his mother would send him out to play. Pushing the football into Lucas' arms and kissing his forehead. The first few times Lucas would be incredible confused. His mother's voice would break and Lucas tried to ask her why. She always shook her head and kissed him goodbye. Football became an escape. The streets of Curtis were his playing field. Most of the local kids didn't want to play with him. Lucas was ok with that if one had the whole city as a playing field it was better to play alone anyway. Sometimes he would climb up the roofs and just practice there. Watching the sun set. It was beautiful. His mother always told him to be home before dark. That's what they had agreed on. One day a while after his 14th birthday Lucas was late. The sun had already set. Lucas was rushing through the streets. Ball at his feet. His mother would get angry, Lucas didn't want that. 

On his way to his house he collided with a group of men. He simply hadn't seen them. Lucas found himself on the floor. The ball a few metres away. The men stared down at him. They were all dressed in black suits. Lucas thought it was weird. They were in July wasn't it too hot for suits ?? One of he men or rather he looked like teenager approached him. At first Lucas thought he wanted to yell at him. However he went to grab the ball. And to Lucas' horror proceeded to stab it with a knife and tossing it at his feet. Lucas could feel the tears sting. The group left and Lucas cried. Cradeling the now deflated ball in his arms. Furiously he wiped away the tears. Maybe mom would be able to stitch it back together, he thought hopefully. It was already getting dark and Lucas had reached their house. Loud voices could be heard from inside. There was noise. Lucas heard things shatter. He crouched himself under one of the windows. Carefully he peered over the rim.

The same men he had collided with were in his living room. Angrily talking to his father. His mother was nowhere to be seen. The men had his father back up on the wall. His father's hands in surrender were in the air. Lucas couldn't make out what they were saying but it was definitely Spanish. Suddenly Lucas remembered what his parents had talked about that one night. Money. Lucas looked at the ball in his arms. If his father wouldn't have bought it for him maybe they would have the money. A noise made him look up again. The boy from before was barking at his father. And then there was blood his father's body crumpling to the floor soundlessly. Lucas could hear himself scream. The ball on the floor forgotten. The boys face was splattered with blood. His father's blood. Why ?? Fortunately he hadn't been discovered. Tears running down his face soundlessly. The men left.

Lucas ran inside the house. The ball forgotten on the porch. He shook his father's body desperately. Tears running down his cheeks. Lucas' hands were stained with his father's blood. Crying he hid his face in his fathers chest. And then there was heat. It was so hot. Black smoke burning Lucas' eyes. Making him cough. Lucas tried to tug at his father's hand. Desperately. To no avail. His mother hadn't been there. Lucas didn't want to leave his father alone. He screamed for help. Lucas had curled up on himself. He was lifted up. A white T-shirt was all he saw. He tried to kick himself free. He didn't want to leave his father alone. Please. He screamed at the person. His head was pressed into the white T-shirt and then the smoke vanished. As soon as he was let go Lucas tried to run inside again. A second man in a white T-shirt stopped him. Lucas cried in his chest. The house fell down on itself. Burning. 

When Lucas woke up next he was in a huge room. His mother, where was his mother ?? Lucas got up and collided with someone. A man with shoulder-long blond hair smiled at him. Asking him for his name. Lucas remained silent. The man introduced himself as Guti. He and a man named Raúl had saved his life. Lucas wasn't in Curtis anymore but in Madrid. Lucas had never been to Madrid. He asked the man, Guti, about his mother. A hand ruffled his hair and he was assured they would find her. Lucas didn't find her. Not until he had been 20 at least. A young man introduced himself as Iker and together with Guti and Raúl they promised him they would find the ones responsible. At first Lucas didn't want to stay in Madrid. He had to find his mother he was so worried about her. It turned out Lucas could describe the men he had seen very well. The faster they'd find they me the sooner Lucas would be able to search for his mother. 

Flashback end


	14. Realizing what one has is the greatest treasure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucas continues talking about his past and Toni finally finds his light.

Chapter 13

Lucas was still stubbornly starting at the blanket. A warm hand on his shoulder made him look up. Tonis expression was pained. "I am sorry", he whispered. Lucas closed his eyes and then he was leaning against Tonis chest. The Spaniard looked up. His hands curled around Tonis shirt. "Did you find her ??", Toni asked eventually. For a while there was silence. Then Lucas nodded against his chest.

Lucas had found her when he had been 24. With the help of Iker and Sergio. In Lèon. At first Lucas had been scared to knock at the house. Iker gently coaxed him into doing it. Lucas had been terrified. While waiting he had stared at his feet. Neither Iker nor Sergio leaving his side. When the door was finally opened Lucas nearly burst out crying. His mother had aged obviously. No words left Lucas mouth. He was like a fish without water. His mother stared down at all three of them. Demanding who they were and what they wanted. Mustering up the courage Lucas opened his mouth to speak. "I, my name is Lucas. Lucas Vàzquez." His mother looked him up and down. Then she called him a liar, said her son was dead and slammed the door shut. That day Lucas had only cried.

Lucas had sat on the ground crying. After 10 years of searching and his mother, understandably, thought he was dead. Iker had squeezed his shoulder, crouching in front of him. Speaking words of comfort. As Lucas just cried and cried and cried. Then Lucas remembered something. He untied the silver chain around his neck. A pendant with Archangel Michael depicted on it. He had, had the necklace since he had been born. It was a lucky charm. Wiping away the tears Lucas got up. His legs shaky. Iker supported him on the way to the door. The Spaniard knocked again. And they waited. Finally after what seemed forever the door was opened. His mother was ready to yell at them again. Lucas dropped the necklace into her hand. Tears still streaming down his face. His mother looked at the necklace in disbelief. "My Luqui, my baby boy is dead. He burned with my house, with my husband. Are you here to torture me ??" Lucas shook his head. 

"Where did you find this necklace ??", she demanded. The skin around her eyes had wrinkled. Lucas explained that he had, had the necklace since he had been born. His mother still didn't believe him. He told her the story of when he had been 7 and his father had gifted him a football. How her, his mother had told him to come home before dark. How he knew that they spend their money, they needed so desperately, to buy him a football. The necklace fell to the floor with a cling. His mother looked at him with wide eyes. "Hijo, mi hijo, Luqui ??", she asked. Tears welling in her eyes. Lucas just nodded. Then was pulled into a hug. His mother kissing his face. Her hands cradeling his face. Still in disbelief. Lucas didn't remember how long they had stood there. Just embracing. He had spend some days with his mother before leaving. Promising to write and visit. After their house had burned down his mother had been heartbroken. Believing both her husband and son were dead. She had moved to Lèon to one of her aunts.

"I am glad", Lucas heard Toni say softly. Lucas' relationship with his mother had improved over the years. She became as loving as she had been when he had been a kid. It had warmed Lucas' heart. Whenever he would visit she would make him cookies and hot chocolate or dulce de leche. She loved him unconditionally. Never judging him. Lucas had never told her about his job. He didn't kill people but he worked for an organisation that did. Lucas' story made Toni think of his own mother. And Felix. He wondered if his mother and his baby brother missed him. Greifswald was so far away from Madrid. Toni missed them everyday. Like he missed Jessica and Leon. At least Lucas could see his own mother. Toni couldn't, he had made a deal with the devil. Toni always wondered if something would have changed if his father hadn't discovered that he was also into guys. Maybe all the pain wouldn't have started in the first place. Toni couldn't help but blame himself. 

"It's not your fault Antonio." Toni wasn't so sure to be honest. He was being a coward again. First saying he wanted to try. And just an hour early he had told Lucas to leave him alone. Maybe this relationship was bound to fail. Toni laughed at the irony it hadn't even started properly. They had done what ?? Kiss ?? A kiss didn't make a relationship. He had to man up. His head was still struggling. His heart told him to just let himself fall. Toni had always been someone who listened to his head more. It was rational, logic. If you listen to your heart you are bound to get hurt. If something happened to Lucas because of him, Toni would never forgive himself. Heck he still hadn't forgiven himself for what happened to Jessica and Leon. His thoughts were cut short when Lucas stroke his neck. Toni was chewing on his lip. Playing with the platin ring on his finger. He took a deep breath. "Luqui ??" The Spaniard looked up to him. His head tilted. Toni shook his head he couldn't. Say it you coward, his mind screamed at him. "Would you go on a date with me ??" 

Lucas looked at him. His eyebrows raised in surprise. Toni was blushing crimson. His eyes avoiding the Spaniard at all cost. Then Lucas whole face lit up. Like the sun. "Yes, Antonio I would like that", he beamed at the blond. Throwing himself at Toni hugging him. The blond relaxed. His heart racing. Asking someone out was not as easy as killing someone. Lucas kissed his cheek. It was barely a kiss. Toni tried to calm his racing heart. And that's what they did a few days later. Of course Nacho and Isco had gotten to know and were all over them. Helping with preparations. Toni felt a bit crowded and uneasy. Mats and Benni reassured him. Told him he deserved this. Deserved to be happy. Isco and Nacho had set up a table on one of the pitches of the Bernabeau. Those cheesy ass bastards, Toni thought while he waited. A candle light dinner. Really ?? Toni had, had candle light dinners with Jessica. Of course he had. The demons crept in his mind and Toni pushed them away. Locked them up. Not today, he thought. He wanted today to work. He really did. 

Since it was still January it was still cold. Benni and Mats had helped him with choosing what to wear. Toni was a simple guy. A black shirt, a pair of jeans, sneakers. Simple. Mats and Benni told him he had to woo Lucas. They were even more excited than him. Tonis heart was like exploding. He told the boys to knock it off. They were really making him nervous. This was just a date, he had, had them many times. Nothing to worry about. Tonis hands felt clammy and sweaty. He wiped them on his jeans. "You'll be great", Mats told him and smiled at him. And then Lucas came into his view. Toni felt his face heat up. He was so embarrassed. Mats and Benni winked at him and left. Jessica's words came into his head. "You deserve to be happy." Lucas smiled at him brightly. Isco and Nacho gave him a thumbs up before they left. Toni was sure he was redder than a damn tomato. Lucas kissed him on the cheek. "Hi", Toni said with a slightly shaky voice. The Spaniard beamed at him. Having a date outside in January wasn't the best idea to have. It cooled down quickly. Both Toni and Lucas had enjoyed the evening however. Tono saw Lucas shiver slightly. Toni like the gentleman he was, that's what Jessica had told him, offered Lucas his spare hoodie. The Spaniard smiled at him and kissed him on the lips. 

After that their relationship slowly progressed. Toni laughed more. He was happier. He really was. Jessica and Leon were still in the back of his head though. He never forgot about his revenge. He had to be patient. But for now he could enjoy this small piece of happiness Lucas gave him. Toni enjoyed the small touches the Spaniard would give him. Be it stroking his neck lightly. Having his arm around his waist. Tugging at his wrist to get his attention. It felt nice. It was something Toni didn't think he would have ever experienced that with someone else. Other than Jessica. Toni had been very shy and awkward about this relationship. He had no idea how to behave. Lucas would nuzzle his neck in comfort to snap him out of his thoughts. The dark abyss of his mind slowly filling with light. His pessimism was still there though. Flooding his mind. It was difficult to ignore sometimes. Even though he was happy. Happier than he had been a year ago. The emotional scars and pain were still there.

A day before the grand meeting with the allied forces Toni was sitting at breakfast. Lucas at his side. Nacho and Isco were sitting with them. Lucas and Isco were playing a card game. Toni was stabbing his egg unmotivated. He sighed. Lower-ranked members of organisations in general weren't allowed to take part in such important meeting. It would probably be Löw, Basti, Fips and Miro. On the Spaniards part it would probably be Iker and Sergio. Lucas kissed him on the cheek lightly. Apparently he had been chewing on his lips so much it was bleeding. "Are you ok Antonio ??" Toni smiled at him. He was still shy with all the PDA really. He was more private. But if it made Lucas happy he would bear with it. Someone had gripped his shoulder lightly. Tonis instincts kicked in and he was about to punch them. In the last second he relaxed. It was just Miro. Who motioned him to talk. Toni squeezed Lucas wrist from under the table and left. Folding his hands behind his back Toni listened to what his mentor had to tell him. 

Uneasy Toni returned to his table. Running a hand through his hair. A loud noise made him look up. Sergio Ramos was yelling at Iker. His arms flailing in the air. His face redder than a tomato and his whole stance screaming aggressiveness. The colorful tattoos on his arms standing out even more because of the natural light. Iker never wavered and took the insult and screaming like it was nothing. It wasn't Tonis business and he returned to his table. Nacho and Isco were looking at eachother worriedly. Toni turned to Lucas and cocked his head in confusion. His boyfriend just mouthed "later." Turning his attention to his half eaten breakfast he ate it with a shrug. Later when they returned to Tonis room, hand in hand which made Toni blush, Lucas explained what was going on. Toni had sat against the door. Blocking it effectively. Just in case someone wanted to come in. At least most were well behaved and knocked before coming in. Lucas sat on he opposite of him. His hands curled into eachother. 

A long and loud sigh escaped his mouth. Which made Toni worry. It was the 30th of January this relationship they were in was about 3 weeks old. "Why was Sergio so upset ??" The second in command of La Furia Roja had clearly been upset. Even a blind man could see that. It didn't help that Ramos was very vocal too. "You know David Beckham will be here too right ??", Lucas said looking up from the floor and meeting Tonis blue eyes. Toni just nodded he was even more confused than before. "And ??", he asked. Who didn't know David "fucking" Beckham. That man was a legend. One of the best players and hitman the Three Lions ever had. He was the equivalent of Zizou when he had played for France. Best hitmen of their generations. "He and Iker were a thing more than 10 years ago." Toni rose his eyebrows. The puzzle clicking together. He really didn't care who was with whom. He never had. It wasn't his business and he had always been fine with that.

"Oh", he said dumbly. He felt really dumb it that moment. Sergio was jealous. Like damn David Beckham. There were even some people in Die Mannschaft who though he looked incredibly handsome. No wonder Sergio was jealous. "Sese is very loyal and he loves Iker very much he is just scared that he will lose him." Toni had seen how Ramos looked at his leader. He was head over heels for that man. Toni had compared that to Benni and Mats. The blond had always collected information by just observing. Iker loved Sergio as much as Sergio loved him. Even a fool could see that. Toni had never been possessive. Jessica had been the love of his life. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen. If someone as David Beckham would have approached her, he would have questioned himself. It wouldn't be different with Lucas. Despite them not being together for as long. "They will be ok", Lucas reassured, Iker loves that goof way too much. Him and Beckham they are just friends."

Toni waved his hand in the air absently. He didn't want to talk about that anymore. It wasn't their business. He was sure Sergio and Iker would handle the situation somehow. Confidently Toni stood up and walked towards the bed. This relationship was really helping him. He felt better. He laughed more. He spend time with his "friends." But never forgetting why they were here. They were here to destroy Imbrahimovic and his minions. He was here to avenge his family. To eventually kill Thomas. He would kill Thomas. Toni knew that. He had told Lucas. The Spaniard had just sighed and hugged him. Playing with his hair. Just trying to soothe him. Nothing was going to change his mind. Nothing. He wanted to see that bastard dead. Müller would be dead. One way or another. Toni had promised himself that day in the dungeon.

Lucas had pulled at his hands. So that they were face to face. His nose nuzzling Tonis cheek lightly. His lips were captured in a soft kiss. And then they were laying in bed together. Tonis mind was at easy. He didn't think of Thomas or Ibrahimovic. Lucas was the only one that mattered at the moment. Toni was grateful for that. Really grateful. Making him forget even for a short period of time was a blessing. It was like the light you found at the end of the tunnel. At first it's weak but if you keep going it grows stronger. It gets brighter. Until the darkness is washed away. Toni lost himself in the kiss. Kissing the Spaniard as if his life depended on it. Just holding onto the light a little longer. Just a little longer. His mind would fall into darkness soon enough. He could at least enjoy it while he still had it right ??


	15. The enemy of my enemy is my ally

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The allied forces finally arrive. Toni is distraught. Iker and Sergio deal with an obstacle and an old friend finally arrives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not really satisfied but ehhh.

Chapter 14 

Toni was running. Running up the stairs. Taking a sharp curve and nearly knocking, the vase on small table by the living room, over. He shouldn't be running in the first place. There was no hiding. No running. Nowhere. The monster would find him eventually. If he just stayed still, it would end sooner. He was just prolonging his own pain. Which was foolish his mind screamed at him. His 13 year old mind. For a split second Toni thought about hiding under the bed. No, if he did that, the monster would go after Felix. Toni would never let that happen. Never. He stopped running. Running was for weaklings. He had to take it like a man. Like a real man. His heart was pounding in his chest. His blood rushing through his ears. It's going to be ok, his mind told him. He was doing this for Felix and his mother. No more running. Toni braced himself. A deep breath was taken. And then the pain erupted on his shoulder and neck. Toni grit his teeth. He wouldn't make a sound. He was a man. He could take it.

Toni awoke with a start. Cold sweat pooling on his forehead. His breathing ragged. Lucas moved next to him. Frowning in his sleep. Mumbling "Antonio." Which was muffled in his neck. Toni had sat up slightly. He was still shaking. The sweat cooling down on his body making him shiver. He hated what kind of effect his own father had on him. He despised it. That man was a monster. Yes, Toni could be considered a monster too. He wasn't much better than his father. But he never would have layed his hand on Leon or Jessica. Ever. Toni had settled against his pillow. Lucas' hand was on his stomach. His face squished against Tonis neck. The Spaniards warm breath relaxed the blond slightly. Covering his face with his right hand he just calmed down. A glance was cast at his phone. It read 5:13 am. It was still early. The allied forced wouldn't be there until noon. Toni ran his hand through Lucas short hair. His hand traveled to the Spaniards hip. Drawing circles on the naked skin. And then he fell into an uneasy sleep again. 

Both Toni and Lucas woke up late. It was about 10pm. Stretching Toni yawned he had slept a little bit better after his nightmare. Lucas was drawing circles on his neck. Kissing his cheek slightly before getting up and heading for breakfast. Toni had made it a habit to steal a particular hoodie that belonged to Lucas. A grey zip up one. He should be used to the cold he was from Germany, but he liked the hoodie. At breakfast they were joined by Nacho and Isco once again. Toni could see Podolski running after Basti. Someone should tell him to confess already. Although Toni and Poldi weren't on good terms with eachother he didn't wish the polish born to suffer like that. Being love sick wasn't something he wished to anyone. Buttering his toast Toni was about to bite into it when he heard a loud voice. He sighed. Sergio. He was arguing with Iker. Again. Lucas knee touched his and made him look away from the scene. If nothing changed the allied forces would be at the Bernabeu at 1pm. 

That's exactly what happened. The first ones to arrive were Raúl and Guti. Lucas eyes lit up and he went to greet them. Hugging them tight and chatting with them briefly. Before they were led to the conference room by Marcelo. Slowly but surely the Bernabeu was filling. Frank Lampard and John Terry arrived. After them Steven Gerrard and Xabi. The latter was greeted by a number of Spaniards. Having worked for La Furia for over 10 years. He was semi-retired with his husband Gerrard living in Liverpool. Even Xavi showed up. Iniesta staying behind to guard the Camp Nou. A few Italians followed. Andrea Pirlo, Paolo Maldini, Gianluigi Buffon, Francesco Totti. Zizou. And then the Kaiser himself Franz Beckenbauer showed up. He was greeted by Löw who had been very nervous to meet with him. The last one to arrive, very much to Sergio Ramos dismay, was David Beckham. Who went up to Iker and hugged him. Kissed his cheek. Toni could see Sergio fume. His head so red, Marcelo and Pepe, had to calm him down. 

All of their guests would be staying at the Bernabeau for at least a week. Rooms and food would be provided of course. Philipp and Basti had gone upstairs to start negotiations too. Toni understood they needed a plan. One couldn't simply barge in on Ibrahimovic. That man had contacts and allies everywhere. Toni didn't want to think about it but if one of their own had been corrupted, other members of other groups could be also corrupted. It wasn't that far fetched. Lucas touched his arm lightly and snapped him out of his thoughts. It was worrisome to say the least. If this theory he had proved to be true. It would be a disaster. So many lives were at stake. A lot of organisations had recruited a lot of young people. Toni just hoped he was wrong. It was just a theory after all right ?? 

The next week proved to be rather calm. Despite a lot people being there. Of course Sergio couldn't hide his jealousy and was in Beckham's face all the time. Iker had apologized for his husband at least a dozen times. David had laughed at that and said he didn't mind. Sergio was close to punching Beckham one time when said one was laughing with Iker. It took Rapha, Jese, Dani, Pepe and Marcelo combined to hold him off. They were allies not enemies. Toni knew as little as most of the members what was being discussed about in the conference room. The little they knew the better. It was insured that no information could be leaked. Toni was sitting in one of the armchairs, in the library. Soaking up information from one of Lucas' diaries. A cup was placed on the table next to him. The blond smiled at Lucas gratefully who sat on the other end of the table. For the the last three days Toni had been down here. Often forgetting time and dozing off. He needed to know as much as possible about Ibrahimovic. 

Toni had also started sparring again. He had lost a lot of muscle mass due to his imprisonment. It was just some light sparring and training with his sword. The Bernabeau had an excellent training ground. Most of the time he was by himself. Just getting used to the weight of his Claymore. Sometimes Lucas joined him and just watched. The Spaniard wasn't fighter. He could fight with his fists if necessary but he rather choose not to. Toni wasn't in his prime form. He didn't think he would get to that anytime soon. The starvation and dehydration had taken a toll on his body. Toni could feel his muscles ache. He wasn't that old. 29 wasn't old but still. The first time he had picked up the sword and actually tried to train he hadn't managed to last even 10 minutes. Now he was at a steady rhythm of 1-2 hours. Tonis shirt was sticking to his body uncomfortably. He hadn't taken it off. He didn't want Lucas to see the scars. He needed a shower. 

The Spaniard handed him a towel and a bottle of cold water. Which were accepted gratefully. Toni wiped the sweat off his face and neck. The hair on his neck was soaked. Toni drank the whole bottle in one go. The ache in his body had slightly faded. Lucas stood on his toes and kissed him on the lips. Toni had to steady himself. Wrapping his arms around the Spaniards waist he smiled. A grunt made him look up. Podolski shot them a disgusted look. Julian, Manu and Mesut following him. Mesut shot him an apologetic look and Manu just rolled his eyes at Podolski. It didn't matter Lucas and Toni were about to leave anyway. Toni licked his lips slightly before taking the sword and towel in one hand and interlacing his finger with Lucas and leaving. A content sigh left Tonis mouth as the warm water hit his back. Lucas had introduced him to Guti and Raúl. And he had gotten to meet his idol Zinedine Zidane. Toni had an immense respect for that man.

The week passed quickly. The allied forces left. Miro had come by to check on the blond. His mentor peaked inside of the room. Toni was sitting on the bed cross-legged one of Lucas' journals in his lap. His forehead creased in worry. "Toni are you alright ??" The blond looked up from the journal in his lap. "Yes, yes", he said hastily. Which wasn't something he normally did. Miro sat on the edge of the bed and touched Tonis leg lightly. His eyes never leaving the blond. Toni sighed defeated. He closed the journal and put it on the pillow next to him. Frustrated he ran a hand through his hair. He was getting anxious. He just wanted this to end as fast as possible. "You are a bad liar", his mentor shot back. Toni just shrugged and then hung his head. A warm hand was placed on his shoulder. Miro smiled at him warmly. "Everything will solve itself. Just give it some time." The blond nodded and Miro got up. Before he left he turned around again. "Don't live in the past Toni. Open your eyes and see what is in front of you." With that the door was shut with a soft click.

Toni didn't know how long he had been staring at the ceiling. It could have been seconds. It could have been minutes or even hours. Miro and his wise comments. It wasn't like Toni was living in the past not really. Of course he was still hurting and grieving. But he was happy too. Lucas made him happy. Even Iscos and Nachos friendship made him happy. He even got along with most of the Spaniards. He just wanted closure. Needed it desperately. And this goal would be achieved when he would kill Thomas. Toni knew Miro was right but he would be able to sleep properly when this was over. And then only then he would allow himself to let go. To be free. His mind was like a bird cage. There was no escaping it. The nightmares were still there. Sometimes more vivid than other times. He wasn't allowed to be happy. Because if he was the demons would feed on it and grow stronger. Toni scoffed annoyed.

Sergio was walking up and down in, his and Ikers shared bedroom. He was still angry about Beckham. How dare that bastard touch and kiss his husband like that ?? If the guys wouldn't have stopped him, he would have punched that posh bastard right in the face. Iker hadn't talked to him after the incident. Just told him that he needed to calm down. No, Sergio didn't need to calm down. If that rich prick would have kept his hands to himself this problem wouldn't have occurred in the first place. Marcelo was sitting on the bed. Watching his second in command act like a ticking time bomb. The Brazilian could understand Sergio was mad but punching an ally was not a good idea. "Amigo please calm down", he said softly at the furiously pacing man in front of him. Sergio rose his arms in annoyance. Flailing. It looked like he was fighting against an invisible enemy. Marcelo sighed in his hands. This would be a long day.

Iker was sitting at the coffee table in the kitchen. A cup of coffee in his hand. Lucas and Pepe sat next to him. Neither spoke a word. They knew their leader was brooding. Iker hadn't spoken to anyone since the allied forces had left. Pepe knew he had every right to be angry at Sergio. Everyone knew he was a jealous man. When Marcelo had tried to talk to Iker about that, their leader had just growled at them and had hid in the kitchen since then. At least he hadn't sent neither Pepe nor Lucas away. Who kept him company. In silence but it was still company. Pepe opened his mouth to say something but closed it again. He knew very well if their leader didn't want to talk, he wouldn't. All of them hated when both their leader and second in command fought. The atmosphere changed immediately when it happened. It felt like a storm was brewing over their heads. Making them all feel uneasy and unhappy.

"Maybe you should talk to him Capi ??" Lucas' voice was soft but small. Iker kept staring at the now empty mug in his hands. "He keeps acting like a small whiny child sometimes." Iker was just annoyed. Sergio had known how important this meeting was and he still had to be the jealous husband who made life difficult for everyone. This had been a war council. They needed to talk about Ibrahimovic. And David was one of his oldest friends. Sergio should have known better than to think Iker would fall for his British charme. That story was over. There were no feelings between them. None at all. Iker loved Sergio with all he had. He wouldn't have married him if he didn't intend to be faithful. Sometimes his husband was as thick as a brick wall. Sergio was as loyal as one could be. Iker knew he was self conscious. David was threatening because of his looks. The King of Madrid had never cared for looks and Sergio should have known that.

Both Pepe and Lucas remained at his side. Neither of them saying a word anymore. Isco and Nacho joined them. A stack of cards in hand. Iker could as well watch the kids play cards could he. He knew Marcelo was upstairs talking to his husband. He hoped that the Brazilian would talk some sense into him. Stretching his legs Iker went to put the mug in the sink. The boys were playing cards and Pepe was just looking at them unimpressed. Sometimes Iker thought they were too carefree. Better carefree than on edge the whole time. They would fight soon enough. At least the kids could have some fun until then. He should probably go upstairs and talk to his stubborn husband. Sergio could be a drama queen if this went on much longer. Before he reached the stairs the big marble front door was opened with a screech. A familiar tanned man entered the hallway. A big grin on his face.

"Have you all missed me already ??"


	16. Hope is the last thing to die

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cristiano reflects on his relationship with a certain "enemy" and Toni is shaken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. Enjoy.

Chapter 15

Cristiano Ronaldo best hitman of Real stood in the middle of the hall his arms outstretched in greeting. A big smile on his face. Iker went up to hug his friend. They hadn't seen Cris in two years. Two years of being undercover at Barcelona. Which now were kind of useless because they were in an alliance anyway. It didn't matter the information Cris had collected would be useful for later. For now they could play nice. Ibrahimovic was a bigger threat than their rivalries. Iker saw Cris hug Pepe and lift the Portuguese off the ground. Both Portuguese were catching up in their own language. Fabio joined them and hugged Cris' side. Clearly everyone of them had missed their best man. Sergio and Marcelo came down the stairs. The Brazilian practically flying down the stairs. Shouting "Cris" and jumping on his friend in greeting. 

With a big smile the Portuguese went up to his captain to greet him. Iker was glad Cris was back. He had been at Barcelona for 2 years. They had a lot to discuss. Cris was leaning against the table and was assaulted by pretty much everyone. Obviously everyone had missed him. Sergio greeted him with their usual handshake. While Iker waited patiently for them to finish so that the could go upstairs. With a motion of his head, he signaled their best hitman to follow him. "Capi ??", Cris' deep voice echoed from the walls. Iker turned around to him. An eyebrow raised in question. "You and Sergio fought. Again." Iker remained unfazed. That guy wasn't home for even an hour and he already knew what was up. They were really lucky to have someone like Cris on their side really. Iker went to sit on his usual place at the end of the room. His gaze worriedly glued to the horizon.

"How was Barcelona ??" Cris looked up from his hands. "Good. I'll be sure to pass everything to Luqui." Iker sighed. "You don't have to. We are allied now." Cris frowned. Opening his mouth to say something. His captain stopped him by raising his hand. "A lot of things happened and changed since you left two years ago Cris." Cristiano had noticed. There were Germans around running all over the Bernabeu. Not that he minded. Mesut and Sami were his friends. But he still had been confused. Barcelona had been good. Sure he had been there to do his work. But he also had, had some fun. Since Irina he hadn't been with anyone really. "You sounded unhappy when I said you could come back. Who is it Cris ??" Ikers voice was soft. Never judging. He knew his "kids" too well by now. And the way Cris had looked. Well there was someone. Iker knew their best man loved his family but something had happened in Barcelona. Cristiano hadn't wanted to leave. 

The Portuguese was playing with his 1,000 $ watch. Something he did when he was nervous. Iker would be a bad father if he didn't know his "kids" habits and nervous ticks. It was like when Marcelo would play with his locks. Like Isco would mess with his beard. Rapha would curse in French. Karim would take apart the toaster or coffee machine and rebuild it. Small things. Iker knew them all. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. I am happy for you either way. It doesn't matter who you love Cris." Iker felt as if he's had this talk way too many times by now. An exaggerated sigh could be heard. Cris was such a drama queen sometimes. "It's Messi", he said his voice small but strong. His leader just nodded. He got up from his chair and hugged the Portuguese. "As long as you are happy", Iker whispered in his ear before pinching his cheek playfully and shoving him in the direction of the door. The King of Madrid sighed. His kids were growing up fast.

Cristiano rubbed his cheek, pouting. It could have been worse. He knew Iker would never judge him. They were all incredibly lucky to have such a leader. Who put up with all the shit they did. Mostly from his own husband but still all of them weren't innocent lambs. They were allies now huh. Cris threw his head back and laughed. Maybe coming back to the Bernabeu, coming home hadn't been such a bad idea after all. He found most of his friends in the kitchen. He really had to talk some sense into Sergio. His second in command was staring at the ceiling. Marcelo talking to him calmly. "Amigo", he shouted playfully his hands on Sergios shoulders. The Spaniards rolled his eyes at him and then grinned. Finally. He had looked like someone had killed his puppy. "Go upstairs and talk to Iker." "You have been laid amigo I know I am right." Sergio was pushed in the direction of the staircase without a word. They could discuss his love life later.

Despite Cris knowing Sergio would most likely complain if he told him he was in a relationship with Messi of all people. After Irina, Cris had thrown himself at any job or mission Iker or Perez gave him. Barcelona had been a welcoming change. At first Cris hadn't been thrilled to work with or for Cules really. After sometime he didn't mind. Most of them were civilized and Cris could work with that. Apart from Neymar who looked like he wanted to shoot him dead at least a dozen times. The kid was annoying. Cris was there to work not to make friends. He had been provided food and a room. That's all he needed. Him and Messi, they talked to eachother rarely. It was nice working with Iniesta and Xavi. They were efficient and fast. The jobs were done quickly. And Cris didn't really have to spend too much time with the Cules. 

Of course Cris missed Madrid and his family. He really did. It wasn't like he hated Messi or anything. He barely knew the guy. The media just made it up as if they were out to kill eachother. It wasn't true. Of course Cris saw him as his rival but he had no reason to hate Messis guts. Why should he ?? Surprisingly it was easy to talk to the Argentinian. Cris had always thought Messi either was too shy or just didn't like to talk in general. Since Cris had his own room, Messi would sneak in sometimes just to talk or play some PS4. When asked the smaller man would reply that his family just got too much sometimes. Neymar would be glued to his side pretty much all the time and the Argentinian would just need some space. They talked. Sometimes Messi would come into his room drunk and just sleep there or just ramble on. Cris didn't mind. 

It was Cris who had made the first move. Pretty much throwing the Argentinian against the nearest wall and assaulting his lips. Cris didn't even know why he had done it in the first place. Maybe he had needed to blow off some steam. Cris didn't remember. It didn't matter. Messi, Leo had whimpered against his lips. Pushing him away slightly. Feeling dizzy. His short hair looking like a tornado had ragged through it. Cris hands had gripped a bit to hard. And the Argentinian was panting slightly. They had fallen asleep after that. Messi had avoided him for three days before showing up at his door again. Cris had been asleep. The steady knock on the door intensifying the headache he had. If Messi didn't want this Cris wouldn't push him. He was possessive, yes but he wouldn't force someone. 

After the fifth knock Cris had, had enough he needed his sleep after all. Tomorrow would be an important mission and by now everyone knew that the Portuguese valued his sleep as much as he valued his looks. With heavy legs he rolled out of bed and opened the door. His hair still looking as good as it had before going to sleep. Who said one couldn't look good and sleep at the same time ?? He was pushed into the room forcefully. Messi, Leo jumping on him, clinging at him like an octopus and kissing the life out of him. If Cris had been half-asleep before he definitely wasn't now. They landed on the bed together. Cristiano Ronaldo got what he wanted in the end anyway. Though he was no savage. They had both agreed to take it slow. Cris was a gentle lover, possessive but gentle. It benefited their missions too. The both of them were very efficient together. If you asked him Cris would never admit that he had fallen for the Argentinian.

Toni and Lucas were sitting on one of the many pitches of the Bernabeu. Lucas had left to give Iker and Sergio some space to talk. The Spaniard really hoped they would make up. Fast. It was better for all of them. Toni had his arms around the Spaniards waist. Nuzzling his neck affectionatly. Lucas giggled. Tonis slight stubble was tickling his neck. He pushed the blond away from him. The German was pouting slightly. "Antonio", Lucas whispered slightly into his shoulder. He really didn't like to be tickled. "Stop Antonio", a laugh escaping his mouth while trying to push his boyfriends hands away from his sides. Lucas blushed crimson at the thoughts of them being boyfriends. He really had to talk to Isco and Nachito about this. Lucas' hands were caressing Tonis jaw. His fingers tracing the slight stubble. "You don't like it ??", Toni questioned his voice soft but low. "I do", the Spaniard replied softly before kissing Toni on the mouth briefly. Then he got up. A hand on his wrist stopping him. "Stay", Toni whined. Lucas laughed, Toni Kroos best hitman of his generation didn't whine. Apparently he whined for him now. 

Lucas had gone inside to talk to Isco and Nacho. Toni was left alone with his thoughts. He thought of Jessica and Leon. He still missed them so much. Wiping away the tears that threatened to fall from his eyelids, Toni got up. Suddenly the ground under his feet was shaking. The blond narrowed his eyes. A deafening noise could be heard. And then Tonis legs were moving on their own. Running. Pushing his body to his limit. The Bernabeau was collapsing. A giant crack was visible on the north wall. Lucas, his mind was screaming at him. Lucas had gone inside to find Isco and Nacho. The others. Toni pushed his body. Running into a collapsing building wasn't the best idea one could possibly have. The blond barely let himself fall, sliding on his legs and knee. With a sudden movement Toni rolled his whole body to the side. Dodging a piece of debris that nearly hit him. Fuck. What the hell was going on ?? Lucas, his mind screamed at him again. 

Toni dusted himself off slightly. Obviously the exit was blocked. The blond wondered how many were still inside. He hoped that the north wall was the only side that had collapsed. Ikers office was on this side of the building. Miro was currently in Berlin so the blond didn't have to worry about his mentor. There were plenty others he had to worry about. Lucas. Isco. Nacho. His own comrades. The only was he could go now was right. The left side was blocked of. He only hoped the others were ok. After walking for God knows how long, Toni ran into Mats. His friend hugging him tight. Sighing in relief. "Where is Benni ??" Mats looked incredibly distraughted. "We split", his voice breaking slightly. Toni squeezed Mats shoulder reassuringly. "We will find him", he promised. Toni hoped they would find Benni and the others. Alive. He really did.

Both Toni and Mats didn't know how much time had passed. Tonis phone was dead. The screen had broken into a million pieces. Probably when he had slid inside the building. The blond ran his hands through his hair frustrated. They still had to be careful. There was still debris falling from the ceiling. Mats voice snapped him out of his thoughts. Calling out for him. Toni froze in his tracks. Mats was on his knees cradeling a head in his hands, crying. Tonis breath hitched in his throat. Per had been buried under the rubble. The debris had crushed his chest. Yet his face looked peaceful. Fuck. Toni ran his hand through his friends hair. Sobbing soundlessly. "I am sorry", he whispered brokenly before tugging at Mats shoulder. Taking him away. There was nothing they could do for their friend now. They had to find the others.

Mats was still crying when they went deeper into the Bernabeu. Toni had slug an arm around his friends shoulder in comfort. It was darker than before. Toni tired not to stumble and hit his head. Mats hand was on his shoulder so they wouldn't lose eachother. The blond came to a halt suddenly the had bumped into something. Arms engulfed both of them and they were lifted up from the floor. A familiar laugh echoing through the walls. Manu and Jerome had found them. At least those two were ok. Fortunately Jerome had a flashlight with him. Toni sighed in relief. On their way they found Jese Rodriguez' and Dani Carvajals bodies. Toni prayed that both of their souls found peace. He knew it would kill Lucas to know his friends were dead. He prayed to a God he didn't believe in that Lucas would be safe and sound.

They hadn't met anyone else on their way. Maybe some had managed to save themselves by not being inside the Bernabeu at all. Toni hoped that was the case. The blond felt himself get anxious. He wouldn't be able to handle it of something happened to Lucas. Knowing he hadn't been able to save a person he loved yet again. It would destroy him. Toni shook his head forcefully. He had to believe Lucas would be ok. Then finally they ran into Benni. Mats crying out in relief when he hugged his boyfriend tight. Cradeling his face in his hands as tears ran down his cheeks. At least Benni was ok. However they hit a dead end and had to turn around. Toni grit his teeth in frustration. Who knew how long they were trapped. Jerome's phone had no service which meant they couldn't call for help. Toni's legs felt as if they were made out of lead. He put his hands on his knees panting. A bead of sweat running down his chin. The panic in his chest began to bubble. "Damnit", Toni grit his teeth as his fist hit the nearest wall. His friends turned around to him worridly. 

After what seemed forever they finally found a way to get to the other side. A small opening in one of the walls. 

There was still hope.


	17. Remember the fallen and living alike

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toni and co. deal with the aftermath of the Bernabeu collapsing. Toni makes a difficult decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Referenced child abuse.

Chapter 16

Lucas had felt the ground shake under his feet when he had been halfway to where Isco and Nacho were. He knew his friends would be hanging out by movie room which was located upstairs near the real library the Bernabeu had. Toni would be ok he had been outside. That's what Lucas hoped. It was pitch black and Lucas was incredibly lucky to not be hit by any debris. Luckily his phone still worked and he used the flash light. In that moment Lucas wished his phone was dead. His knees have out when he found Marco Asensio' body. Lucas cried bitterly. He knew very well that the job came with sacrifices and death. But seeing it one of his friends like this broke him. He didn't want to leave Marco alone but he had to go on. Tonis comrades had fallen too. Lucas recognized two of them. 

Lucas rounded the corner exhausted. He felt so tired. He could hear voices, one of them was Nachitos. The Spaniard ran. Nacho lifted his tearstained face. Relief flooding him when he spotted his friend. "Luqui", he whimpered. Iscos head was pillowed on Nachos lap. Nachos hand running through his boyfriends long black locks. Lucas' eyes widened in shock. There was a metal pipe sticking out of his stomach. Dried blood on his mouth. But Iscos chest was moving. Faintly. But it was moving. Lucas crawled to his friends. His knees not able to support him anymore. "Nachito", he whispered. Nacho pulled him into an one-armed hug. His whole body shaking with sobs. "Where is Toni ??" Lucas just shrugged. He really hoped Toni was ok. He had to be.

Toni and co. had passed through the opening. However they didn't find anyone on the other side. At least they could proceed to carry on. Their path wasn't blocked. They had been walking for at least half an hour when they bumped into Cristiano. Who had Marcelo slung over his shoulder. Luka trailing after him like a lost puppy. Marcelo had hit his head and was unconscious. Neither of them had seen Iker or Sergio or Lucas. The group rested for a few minutes. Cris called out to his friends but the only noise was his own voice. He suggested for them to split up but Luka touched his arm and shook his head. It was for the best if all of them stayed together. Cris nodded his head sighing. It felt like they had been running in circles. Never seeing anyone of their friends. Toni trailed off after a while just searching through the rubble. He had to find Lucas. His heart exploding with worry. 

Lucas had left Nacho with Isco. He had to get help. He really hoped Iker and Sergio were ok. He had left them alone to sort things out. The panic in his chest hadn't settled. Wiping away the sweat from his brow Lucas just tried to breathe in. He had to hurry. "Lucas." A wave of relief crashed over the Spaniard. He practically flew into Toni's arms. Pressing his face into the Germans neck. Shaking in relief. The blond cradled his boyfriends face in his hands. Checking him for injuries. Kissing his forehead in relief when he found none. Lucas tugged at the blonds wrist. "Isco", he whispered with a shaky voice. Toni frowned in worry. Both of them running in the direction Lucas had come from. Nacho lifted his head when he heard footsteps approach. "Toni are you ok ??" The German nodded before taking of his hoodie and pressing it to Iscos side. The Spaniard barely reacting. They had to get help.

Meanwhile Cristiano had managed to get some sort of service. He tried calling Iker or Sergio but neither of them picked up. He tried Pepe next. Finally he got through. Explaining his situation to his friend. Pepe promised to get them help as soon as possible. Cris had no idea how many were injured. He was glad to know that Karim and Gareth were ok. Now they had to wait. Toni had wandered off. Cris cursed at the German, that much for all of them staying together. Right after that the blond reappeared. Lucas at his side. Cris breathed out in relief. Hugging the Spaniard. Their group were lead to Nacho and Isco. The more of them were together the faster they could be found. Cris cursed at the sight of Isco. Lucas pressing down a piece of clothing to his abdomen. The only thing they could do now was wait. 

Time seemed to stand still as they waited. Cris just walking up and down in worry and frustration. Marcelo's head was in Luka's lap. The Germans were sitting close to eachother. Lucas was pressed up to the blonds side. His hand never leaving Iscos wrist. Isco was breathing heavily in Nachos lap. His boyfriend running his hand through his hair worriedly. And then finally there were voices. Pepe leading them in. Cris hugged his friend tight. Xavi and Iniesta following him. Leo giving him a small smile. Xavi left them to search for Iker. An opening had been created on the east side of the Bernabeu. Apparently Pepe had called the Cules to help them. Cris had other things to worry about. Slowly they managed to lift the injured Isco up. Who was in desperate need for medical attention. Cris only hoped Iker and Sergio were ok.

Toni saw Cristiano help Iker carry an unconscious Sergio out of the Bernabeu. The Spaniards flooding their captain. Hugging him tight. Ikers face was red and puffy. He had obviously cried. Xavi and Iniesta trying to comfort him. The King of Madrid hiding his face in his hands. Philipp approached them, telling them that he had talked to Miro and Löw. They would change location. Going to Berlin. The Bernabeu wasn't safe anymore. Both Isco and Sergio were in critical condition. Müller-Wohlfahrt gave them a no. It was not advised to take a plane with those injuries. They had to wait until both of them were stable. Obviously the Spaniards had to be buried on Spanish ground. Per and the others would be flown to Berlin and given a proper burial there. Toni's theory solidified they had at least one or more leaks. It worried him grately. 

A week had passed. Iker had buried their fallen members in an official ceremony. His voice breaking every time he spoke about his children. Philipp had flown ahead to Berlin to prepare all things necessary. It was then that Müller-Wohlfahrt finally gave them a go. Cristiano Ronaldo and other members were burning for revenge. Their brothers had fallen and blood would be spilled. Toni felt the same way. But acting on pure instinct would get them killed eventually. He shouldn't be the one talking though. He was one of the ones that wanted to get his own revenge. Lucas stayed by his side all the time. The Spaniards own heart aching for his brothers. The flight to Berlin was uneventful. Everyone being clearly on edge and mentally exhausted. Miro and Philipp greeted them at Olympia Stadium. It would be their new home for now. 

After another week Sergio Ramos finally woke up. The King of Madrid being relieved to no end. Isco took a little bit longer he had needed blood. Fortunately Gerard Piqué had the same blood type and was able to donate some. The weeks passed quickly. Their members recovering. Though their invisible scars remained. Toni found himself visiting his friends graves. Feeling incredibly guilty. Maybe if he had died in the dungeon that day none of this would have happened. Toni knew it was nonsense. They were an organisation there were unavoidable losses. He of all people should know that. The blond was crouched in front of Per's tomb when Miro startled him. His mentor's eyes looking older than Toni had ever seen him. The skin around his eyes had wrinkled. Miro hugged him tight. Telling him it wasn't his fault. Toni knew it was. If he hadn't retired none of this would have happened. It was then that Miro proposed something to him. Since they were in Berlin, Toni could drive up to Greifswald to see Felix and his mother.

Toni had tensed at the idea. He hadn't seen them in over 10 years. The thought terrified him. What if they didn't recognized him ?? What if they blamed him for leaving ?? Which was only fair. Toni had to think about it. Hiding his face in his hands. Miro squeezed his shoulder reassuringly. Even offering to go with him. It wasn't that far. Two maybe three hours by car depending on the traffic. Toni had to think about it. The thought scared him to no end. He told himself that Lucas had managed to do it. He should be able to do it too. However Toni waited. He wanted to wait. He had talked to Lucas about it. The Spaniard happily agreeing to accompany him. Toni waited until mid-April to go to Greifswald. He had worked out. Trying to get to his former shape. Had spend time with Lucas. With the others. Had tried to clear his mind. And the one day in mid-April him and Lucas' woke up early and drove up to Greifswald. 

The car ride was silent. Neither Toni nor Lucas spoke. Lucas' hand rested on Tonis thigh reassuringly. Drawing circles on his knee. After three hours the car comes to a stop. The blond is kneading his hands nervously. A deep breath is taken. Usually Toni wasn't nervous. But now he felt like his heart was going to jump out of his chest. Lucas kissing his cheek. Smiling encouragingly. A kiss is pressed to the Spaniards mouth before Toni gets out of the car. Making his way to his parent's house. A hand running worriedly through his hair. Then Toni knocked. And waited. His legs feeling like jelly. After what seems forever the door is opened. Tonis eyes widen when his mother's faces comes into view. She had clearly aged. 13 years were a long time. However his mother's eyes are emotionless. She looks right through him. Her hair had grayed and there were wrinkles around her eyes. "Who are you ??", she demands. "Toni."

Toni saw his mother's eyes widen. Then they become expressionless again. "There is no Toni. He is dead leave." The door is shut in front of his face. Toni should have know that his father would have done something like that. He had fed his mother lies. That he was dead. Toni should have laughed at the irony. Breathing in he knocked again. And waited. The door was opened up again. "There is no Toni", was yelled in his face." "I am here for Felix." His mother's eyes changed. She turned around and screamed for her youngest son to come downstairs. Toni is left alone at the doorstep. Curiously he looked around the house. No much had changed. That's when he heard footsteps approach. His brother coming into view. His brother freezing on the spot upon seeing him. As if he'd seen a ghost or a monster. His eyes wide. "Toni ??"

The blond never moved. His brother was looking him up and down. Touching his face and his arms. His mouth hanging open in disbelief. "Toni ??", he croaked out a second time. Pinching himself in the arm. Then he was enveloped in a bone crushing hug. Kocking the air out of Tonis lungs. His brother was crying in his shoulder loudly. Hiccups and sobs escaping his mouth. "Toni." His cheeks were cupped as his brother gripped the fabric of Lucas' grey zip hoodie and cried into his chest desperately. Toni rubbed his brothers back affectionatly. Felix cried in the crook of his neck. Toni cooing "It's ok I am here" softly. Toni didn't know how long he stood there. His little brother in his arms. Trying to comfort him. After what seemed forever The brother separated. Felix was still crying. "Dad told us you left and then that you were dead." Toni should have laughed at the irony. Of course that Bastard had told his mother and his baby brother exactly that. Toni wasn't surprised. 

Toni asked his brother to go somewhere more private. Where they could talk. Felix suggested his own flat. Toni followed him. Felix looked at Lucas who had gotten out of the car too and was stretching his legs. Approaching his brother he asked who the guy was. "He's my boyfriend." Felix eyebrows rise in question as he turns around the key to his apartment. Inviting both Toni and Lucas in. Felix nudged his brother in the ribs lightly. "Boyfriend ?? ", he asked. Toni led him to the kitchen table. Both of them sitting down. Felix glanced at the wedding band on Tonis finger in question. "I was married before", his brother replied his voice breaking. Eventually telling Felix that Jessica and Leon were dead. And ultimately telling his baby brother the truth about their father. Felix protested. Claiming their father never did anything to hurt them. "Because I protected you. Both of you. Mom knew." Felix shakes his head in disbelief. 

Toni got up. Taking off Lucas' grey hoodie draping it over the chair. Before he took of the white T-shirt and turned his back to his brother. The scars on his back looking like an endless maze. Toni's eyes meeting Lucas' it warmed the blond to the core. Lucas' eyes never leaving his. His brother chokes behind him. Touching his back lightly. Tears spilling down his cheeks as he traces the white lines. "I am sorry", he croaked out. Toni got dressed again. Telling Felix he had been an uncle. He was going all out here no secrets apart from telling him he was an assassin. Felix cried demanding a picture. Toni got his phone out. Showing his brother his late wife and son. Toni looked away. Lucas hand on his shoulder grounding him. Toni gripped it tightly. It was like lifeline. Breathing out slowly. Toni had noticed that there had been no pictures of him in his childhood home. 

Felix cried. He cried for everything his brother had lost. Toni asked him about there being no pictures of him in the house. Felix telling him it was their fathers doing. Claiming it was driving their mother insane seeing Toni on those pictures. Their mothers health had declined. She was still the mother Felix knew but if Toni was even mentioned she changed claiming she only had one son. Felix. There was no Toni. Felix had always know it was bullshit. He clearly remembered having a brother. An older brother. Who has just vanished. It had hurt Felix. But his parents ignored that. Called him out if he tried to ask about Toni. Felix had kept silent. Convincing himself Toni had always existed. His brother was here before him. He was real. After that Toni gave Felix his house key to Madrid. His mother and himself should be safe there. Felix had tried to protest but Tonis word was final. 

Toni hugged his brother tight before they separated. Promising him they would see eachother. There was just this thing he had to take care of first. Toni looked on as Felix' car disappeared in the distance. Lucas went up to him. Their foreheads pressing together. The kiss was soft before it was broken of. Since they were here Toni wanted to show Lucas his hometown.


	18. Hello darkness my old friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toni has a confrontation with the man he regards as a monster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has been written 3 weeks ago. I changed the ending a bit though. Enjoy.
> 
> Warning for homophobic language

Chapter 17

Toni had been incredibly relieved to know that Felix and his mother were ok. He had worried a lot. Had felt so incredibly guilty for leaving them both behind. With his father. That damn monster. Who had hurt his mother so much she thought her own son was dead. His father had driven his mother to insanity. To Toni that was unforgivable. Tears stung in his eyes as he remembered her blank expression. To know that she hadn't recognized him. Lucas' squeezed his hand tightly. A worried expression on his face as Toni covered his own face with his left hand. And just cried. Lucas had enveloped him in a hug never letting him go as Toni just wept into his shoulder. Soaking the fabric of Lucas' grey hoodie. His fist tightly curled into the material. Lucas was nuzzling his neck in comfort. Hushed words in Spanish were spoken in his ear. A hand was cradeling his neck. And Toni just breathed in. When Toni finally broke the embrace, Lucas hands were still on his arms. Grounding him. Tears were still staining his cheeks and falling down his chin. His sobs had quieted down. Lucas pressed their foreheads together his thumb gently wiping away the tears. Toni had his eyes shut tightly. Trying to control his breathing.

Felix and his mother were safe. On their way to Madrid. To Tonis house. That was the only consoling thought Toni had. That they were safe. Pulling Lucas with him they roamed through Greifswald hand in hand. There was something he wanted to show the Spaniard. Tonis tears had finally dried on his cheeks. A shaky breath escaping his lips. After twenty minutes they reached their destination. Toni had missed his hometown. It was beautiful. Tagging Lucas along they made their way to a cliff. The majestic sea spreading before them. It was imposing and beautiful. Lucas pressed himself against Tonis side. A hand on the blonds waist, his face in the crook of Tonis neck. Just enjoying the view. It was breathtaking. He stood on his toes to press a kiss on Toni cheek. The blond smiled at him affectionately. Then he turned his gaze towards the scene in front of him. After some time Toni had sat down. His legs dangling of the cliff. Lucas was pressed up to his chest. Toni was drawing patterns on his boyfriends stomach. Looking out on the wide sea. A noise startled them. Toni could feel the hair on his neck stand up.

Toni narrowed his eyes suspiciously. He grabbed Lucas by the wrist and they left the cliff. A deafening noise could be heard. Toni looked up to the cloudless blue sky. A black helicopter was approaching them. Fast. Ready to land. They had to get out of here. The helicopter landed with a screech. The engine was shut down. All of Tonis instinct told him to run. If not for himself at least for Lucas. Before they could make their way out Toni heard a cock of a gun. He grit his teeth. Whoever those people were they were after Toni. His hand on Lucas wrist tightened. Not as hard as to bruise but just to show they urgency to get out. "Toni." The voice made Toni freeze in his tracks. His whole frame tensing. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. The blond turned around. Pushing Lucas behind him. Shielding him with his own body from the monster before them. 

Robert Kroos was a business man. A successful one. Having a son such as Toni was a failure in his eyes. Toni was a failure. Unbuttoning his suit jacket he approached his "son." Toni was breathing heavily. He could feel a the panic rise in his chest. Constricting his throat. If Lucas wasn't here with him Toni wouldn't have a problem facing his father. He really wouldn't. Thomas had his rifle pointed in Toni direction. There was no running. Robert Kroos came to a halt in front of the blond. With a swift motion of the back of his hand he slapped Toni with such force, the blond stumbled to the ground. Blood dripping down his chin. Staining the ground crimson. With cold blue eyes Robert Kroos started at the boy his "son" was shielding. Not wasting a second he kicked Toni, who was supporting himself on one arm, in the stomach. Making him curl around himself, coughing. "Pathetic." Robert Kroos' voice was ice cold and unforgiving. He approached Toni gripping the blond by the hair and lifting him up. "Wasn't it enough that I already killed your first bitch ??" 

Tonis face changed and he growled at his father. Wrenching himself out of the strong grip Toni kicked his legs in his father direction. Which were swiftly blocked. The blond grabbed Lucas by the wrist and ran. Into the protection of the forest. "Antonio ??", Lucas whispered scared behind him. They had to get out. Now. Breathing heavily Toni had found a small cave. He knew that he couldn't hide himself much longer. He had to try and get Lucas out of here. Nothing else mattered at the moment.

The Spaniard was looking at him terrified. There was still blood on Tonis chin. His hair a crazy mess. He enveloped his boyfriend in a tight hug. Lucas' face pressed into his chest shaking uncontrollably. The Spaniards fingers curled into Tonis hoodie. Taking Lucas face in his hands, he stroked his cheek affectionatly, before kissing his forehead. "You have to leave Luqui." Lucas looked at him with big eyes before shaking his head. "Please", the blond pressed tightly. A shake of the head was his only response. "Por favor", the blond tried again in Spanish. A sob was Lucas' only response. "Get help, get Miro and the others." Lucas whimpered in his chest. Before he nodded defeated.

Toni sighed in relief. At least Lucas would be safe. That was the only thing that mattered now. The one and only thing. What happened to him wasn't important. Toni cradled Lucas' face in his hands. Tracing his jaw and then his cheekbone. His hand curled around Lucas' neck. Stroking it softly. His blue eyes never left Lucas' brown ones. Time was standing still for that moment. It was just them. Toni leaned in and captured the Spaniards lips in a desperate kiss. Making Lucas moan against his lips. Lucas whimpered desperately as Toni bit his bottom lip, making him sob. 

The tears running freely down his cheeks now. Lucas clutched Tonis hoodie desperately as the broke the kiss. Sobbing into his neck. Toni just held him in his arms. Stroking his back and hair softly. His boyfriend looked at him with tearstained eyes. Breathing heavily. The sob never stopped. And Toni just wanted to hug him and never let him go. Lucas pressed their foreheads together. "Te amo", he whispered hoarsly. "Te amo, te amo, te amo", he whispered again desperately. 

Toni just nodded. He already knew. "Tell me, Lucas demanded, por favor tell me Antonio." Toni sighed. That's not how he had imagined it to be honest. He wasn't really a romantic. But he had wanted to tell Lucas when they were safe and sound. Maybe chilling out on a beach watching the sunset together. Their toes curled in the sand. Not like this. This sounded like goodbye. Toni didn't want that. He swallowed hard. Tears pooling in his eyes. If he went out there, there was a chance he was not coming back. Toni had lived his life with regret. Thinking of Felix and his mother. Thinking of Jessica and Leon. He didn't want to regret anything anymore. He was tired. "Ich liebe dich", he finally said in German his voice breaking. There had only been 4 people who he had ever told those three words. His mother, Felix, Jessica and Leon. He really loved Lucas. Against all odds. God help him he did. So much it hurt.

That's why he needed Lucas to be safe. "Please go", he blond urged. Lucas captured his lips again, silencing him effectively. Toni pushed him away gently. "Go. I promise you I will come back." Lucas' hands were still clutching Tonis hoodie. Before he nodded, his tears never stopping. "Te amo", he whispered one last time before he turned around and ran. Toni drew in a breath he hadn't know he had been holding. His mind blank. Time to end this, he thought. "Come out come out where ever you are." Thomas that bastard was mocking him. Good for him, Toni thought. The blond could hear his former comrade from a mile away. It's not like Thomas was silent or anything. Snapping branches and kicking leaves. Toni closed his eyes and breathed in, focusing. Trying to make out from which direction Thomas was approaching him. 

To the right, his ears and gut told him. Toni swung his arm back and punched Thomas right in the face. Said one stumbled back surprised and held his now bleeding nose. Then he growled at Toni. Launching himself forward. Taking the blond with him. Tonis head and back hit a tree branch painfully. Knocking the air out of his lungs forcefully. Shit. Thomas was ready to punch him when Toni cocked his head to the side. Müllers hand hit the branch instead making him howl in pain. Toni tried to kick Thomas away who was sitting on his chest with his full weight. His legs desperately kicking dirt and leaves away. Suddenly Thomas hand came up his throat. Choking him. Toni clawed at his arms. Tears were stinging behind his eyelids. Then Toni head butted him with all the force he could muster. Thomas hands left his neck and Toni rolled to the side coughing violently. 

With shaky legs he got up. Thomas was holding his face. Which was splattered with blood. Apparently Toni had managed to break his nose. Good. He had to get out of here. He had promised Lucas he'd make it out of here alive. Tonis head was spinning his legs felt like jelly. Suddenly an arm was around his throat again. Squeezing. Making him claw at the arm again. "Where do you think you are going ??" Podolski huh, Toni thought. He tried elbowing the polish born in the ribs. The blond was dragged behind like a rag doll. Coughing. He was thrown to the ground. A boot crashing down his chest. "Stop." Robert Kroos appeared between the trees. Toni had hid his face in the dirt. Just trying to breathe. Both Thomas and Podolski left. It was just him and his father. "It suits you." Toni looked up from the ground. His eyes hard. "Crawling in the dirt", his father continued, mocking him. 

Toni tried to regain his breathing. In. Out. In. Out. His chest hurt. Robert Kroos sat on a stone facing Toni. "You are a failure as a son. I bet that little cocksucker of yours enjoys being fucked. At least you are not the girl in that sick relationship of yours. That's a plus I guess." Toni grit his teeth. That bastard had the nerve to speak about Lucas like that. His anger flared. Before Toni could reply his father continued. Humiliating him. Mocking him. "And that little bastard of yours ?? At least my men snapped his neck." Toni would kill him. He would kill his own father. "That's your grandson you are talking about you damn bastard", Toni roared in pain. How dare he speak about Leon like that. His baby boy. Toni felt the tears slide down his cheeks. "Men don't cry didn't I teach you anything ?? Or did that first bitch of yours tell you feelings are good ??" With a swift motion Toni got up and grabbed his father by the collar. The vein in his neck popping dangerously.

Robert Kroos just laughed. "What do you want to do ?? Kill me ?? You wouldn't kill your own father. You still have those damn feelings of yours." Robert Kroos laughed again. Throwing his head back. Laughing at the sky and Toni. "You are weak. So weak. You know when I told your mother that I made you leave. What I did to you, it broke her." Robert Kroos said it as if it was nothing. As if he was casually talking about the weather. "You drove her insane", Toni roared again tears spilling down his cheeks. "She is a bitch anyway and that brother of yours is not better." Toni saw red. He punched his father in the face. Over and over again. For Lucas. For Jessica. For Leon. For Felix and above all else for his mother. Who had loved this monster of a man. Who was a fraction of herself. Because of this monster. 

His father's blood was on Tonis knuckles. Dripping on the ground with an ugly plop. His father laughed at him again. "Is this all you have got ?? It's my turn I guess." Robert Kroos shoved Toni off of himself. Sending him crashing down against a tree. Toni saw stars for a moment. When Toni tried to get up his father kicked him in the stomach. Repeatedly. Toni was coughing up blood. His vision swimming. Before his head was yanked up. Strands of his blond hair being ripped out. Toni grit his teeth. He wouldn't give this monster the satisfaction of making a noise. His head was released. Blond strands of hair flying to the ground. Toni wouldn't make a noise. He wouldn't. Lucas. Toni thought of Lucas. Of Jessica. Of Leon. Of his family. The pain would fade eventually. He had told Lucas he would come out of this alive. His father cut his thought short when his foot came crashing down his side. He stomped on Tonis cheek. Making it bruise. Shit. Toni heard the ugly sound of bones breaking.

He would die here. Damnit. Toni was sure of it. He would break his promise. At least he had told Lucas he loved him. He knew he would have regretted it. Maybe he just should let the darkness in. He was so tired. At least he would see Jessica and Leon. A tear ran down his cheek. Robert Kroos approached him again. "So that's the Demon King. You are nothing but a useless piece of shit." A small knife was in his father's hand. Robert Kroos toyed with it for a while. And then Toni felt the burning sensation. He screamed in pain as the knife tore at his skin. His father's face was emotionless as he drove the blade into his abdomen. Tonis jeans were stained with his blood. Lucas hoodie turning an angry black. Toni choked. The belt on his back all those years ago had been worse. But now his body was on fire, his emotional state making the pain even worse. The knife was twisted in the most cruel way. Toni choked desperately. Lucas. And then Toni fell into darkness.

Lucas had ran and ran and ran. Not caring at all that the branches of the trees cut into his skin. Leaving angry streaks on his cheek and legs. He had to get help. He pushed his body to his limit. Toni, his mind repeated over and over again. Tears staining his cheeks. Toni was strong he would hold on. He just had to be a little bit faster. The tears on Lucas face prevented him from seeing clearly. He collided with someone. No, no, no, he thought, he had to get help. Landing on his ass Lucas looked up confused. He couldn't afford to waste time. Toni needed him. Panting heavily Lucas looked up. His eyes widened in shock. He recognized the face in front of him. He had seen it 14 years ago. Before him stood his father's killer. Lucas' blood froze in his veins. A hand wrapped itself around his neck. Lifting him up like a puppet. Choking him. Toni, his mind screamed in agony. Costa had grabbed him by the neck and dragged him behind like a puppet. Lucas screamed when seeing Toni lay motionless on the floor. Squirming out of Costa's grip. He was thrown into the helicopter with a thud. Crying out for the blond. The big red splotch on Toni's white t-shirt making him gag. Podolski keeping him down. A sharp pain in his neck making him feel dizzy. Then there was nothing.


	19. Like a phoenix from the ashes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toni deals with everything that has to be dealt with.

Chapter 18

Miroslav Klose was walking up and down in his office. His phone clutched in his hand. He had to warn Toni. Who wasn't picking up. Which was very unlike the blond. The polish born went to Iker Casillas. Asking him to contact Lucas Vàzquez. Iker's brows frowned in worry when Lucas didn't pick up either. Worry pooling in the pit of his stomach. Lucas always picked up. Always. He turned to Miroslav Klose, demanding that they leave for Greifswald. Lukas Podolski had gone missing. Miro had, had a suspicion that there had been something up. But he had decided to ignore the warning signs. If Miro remembered correctly Podolski had been there when they had landed in Berlin. Miro couldn't help but worry. Sergio Ramos peaked his head inside to inform him that they were ready to leave. Miro sighed. He hoped they would find both, Toni and Lucas.

The private jet of Die Mannschaft landed in Greifswald with a screech. Sergio, Isco and the others scouting the area. Miro and Iker found the rental car nearby. So Toni and Lucas couldn't be that far. Miro would have understood if the boys would have wanted some privacy. Toni would have called him and told him. The worry in the pit of his stomach didn't leave. Sergio and his team searched for an hour. Finding nothing. They went deeper into the forest. Miro tried to convince himself that Toni had lost track of time. The last time that the blond had contacted him had been when he had met up with his brother. Miro's head whipped upward when he heard the Spaniards shout. His legs moved on their own. Müller-Wohlfahrt at his side. They had taken precautions. He had taken the experienced doctor with him just to be sure. Miro's breath hitched when he saw Toni lay in a pool of his own blood.

The polish-born stumbled forward. Müller-Wohlfahrt at his heels. Miro fell on his knees and cradled Toni's head in his hands. His fingers desperately searching for a pulse. He found one. It was weak however. Müller-Wohlfahrt pushed him away gently. Going to work. Iker was shouting at his men. Philipp and Bastian trying to comfort the shaken polish-born. The King of Madrid came up to him. His men had searched the whole parameter. One was a dead end. The sea spreading before them. Lucas was nowhere to be found. Sergio Ramos shouting angrily in Spanish. Miro crouched down again. His hand running through Toni's hair. The doc had managed to patch him up. As good as he could. They had to leave. Müller-Wohlfahrt didn't have the necessary equipment to perform a transfusion. Toni was in desperate need of blood. If they would have waited a little bit longer the blond would have bled to death.

Isco was able to donate some blood. Toni remained unconscious for 10 days. Miro never leaving his bedside. Iker had ordered his team to storm Ibrahimovic's hideout. The Swede had been long gone by then. They hit a dead end again. They had to get Lucas back. Then on the 1 week mark they got a letter. Demanding the allied forces to surrender and then maybe they would let Lucas go. Iker had talked to Philipp about it. Both of them unsure what to do. They wanted to wait until Toni woke up. Maybe he could help narrow down where Lucas could be. When the blond finally woke up, Miro had been incredibly relieved. The blond demanding where Lucas was. Miro's heart broken when he had to tell his surrogate son that they hadn't been able to find his boyfriend. Toni roared. Ripping off the IV on his arm. Trying to get up. The polish-born desperately trying to calm him down.

"Miro where is he ??" The polish-born shook his head. His hands on Toni's shoulders. Trying to calm him down. "Toni please you are hurt please." Toni cut him of. His anger flaring. Miroslav could see him panic. Toni's eyes were wide. His breathing ragged. He fell against Miro who caught him. Crying into his mentors shoulder desperately. His tears staining Miro's shirt. The polish-born just held him in his arms. Assuring him they would find Lucas. Müller-Wohlfahrt threatened to chain Toni to the bed if he got up again before he had recovered enough. Toni felt himself panic. He had to sit still while that damn monster had the person he loved. Toni hated feeling this helpless. If something happened to Lucas because of him, Toni would never forgive himself. Miro was in a meeting with the allied forces. Toni remembered Lucas' necklace. He took it off and prayed. He prayed for Lucas to be ok. 

Toni woke up to hushed voices. He had fallen asleep. His body still too weak to handle getting up. Mats and Benni smiled at him. Toni sighed. He wanted to get out. Go out and search for Lucas. Who knew what his father was doing to him now. Toni shook his head. He didn't want to think about it. Convincing himself that Lucas would be ok. He had to be. The allied forces were still talking on the 3rd day. Nearly 2 weeks had passed. Toni had, had enough. The wound on his abdomen hadn't healed. The blond was aware of that. He didn't care. Lucas' wellbeing came before his own. He would kill his father. Toni was burning. Carefully he swung his legs of the bed. He winced when standing up. The wound was aching. It really did hurt. Toni grit his teeth. He could endure it. Would endure it. For Lucas. Isco and Nacho had told him that they knew where Ibrahimovic and possibly Lucas was. An Italian hitman that had followed the Swede had contacted the allied forces. It was still being negotiated over though. 

If the allied forces weren't doing something about it, Toni would go in alone. He didn't care. Not anymore. If he died on this rescue mission so be it. He had nothing left to lose. Lucas was his top priority. The blond tried to ignore the pain. It was dark. He hoped no one would see him. Grabbing his sword it was fastened on his back. Somehow he had found a cloak too. He swung it over his shoulders and pulled the hood up. Carefully he peaked outside of his door. The corridor was desolated. Tip-toeing his was until the exit, Toni froze when someone cought behind him. Slowly The blond turned around. Sergio Ramos was standing in the middle of the hallway. His tattooed arms crossed over his chest. If the Spaniard wanted to stop him, Toni would fight him. He didn't care. "What do you want ??" Sergio rose an eyebrow at him. Remaining unfazed. Before approaching him and squeezing his shoulder. Isco and Nacho appearing behind him. Followed by Marcelo, Cristiano, Gareth, Luka and Karim. Mats and Benni smiling at him. Before a noise startled all of them. Basti appearing behind them.

"You think we'd let you go out there alone Toni ??" Bastians voice was soft but serious. Toni looked at his feet. He understood Basti was still hurting because of Poldi. That man had been his best friend and partner in crime for years. Basti approached him. A hand squeezing his shoulder. "We'll get your Lucas back and maybe mine too." In that moment Toni felt horrible of course Basti was hurting too. He had only thought of his own pain. All of them left the HQ but not before Sergio peaked inside the conference room to catch Iker's eye. The King of Madrid winked at him. That's when Sergio knew they had a go. A wide smile stretching across his face. The whole group being lead outside. Ibrahimovic and hopeful Lucas would be in the same location.

Hamburg.

This time they had to rely on public transportation. It would have been too obvious to fly to Hamburg with their private plane. They'd give themselves to Ibrahimovic on a silver platter. All of them wanted to get out of this alive. Preferably. Bastian had informed him that Philipp and Iker had, had this idea. The allied forces thought it was too risky to plan an attack now. Toni thought it was bullshit. They had the element of surprise on their side. They could have stormed whatever building Ibrahimovic was in and of they were lucky Lucas would have been there too. Going in outnumbered wasn't the best idea either. They wouldn't be too suspicious but their fire power was reduced obviously. The ride to Hamburg felt as if it lasted 24 hours. None of them spoke. Isco and Nacho were sitting with him. The blond looking out of the window. His forehead creased in worry. He just hoped that bastard hadn't hurt Lucas. 

Lucas woke up chained to a chair. His head feeling heavy. Everything hurt. Tiredly he looked around. When his heart began beating in his chest. He had no idea how long he had been down there. His mind repeating the images in his head. Toni laying in a pool of his own blood. Tears pricked in his eyes. He chocked at the thought of Toni being dead. Lucas shook his head forcefully. Toni wasn't dead he tried to convince himself. The blond was strong. Diego Costa and Lukas Podolski had paied him visits. Trying to squeeze him out. Like a lemon. Lucas had spat at them. That bastard Podolski had betrayed his own organisation. Lucas had been enraged. It was the polish-borns fault that Toni had been hurt. The Spaniard really wanted to hurt him now. It was true that Lucas was only an informant but he could hurt someone too. Iker and Sergio had taught him some basic stuff. Of course Lucas wouldn't be able to kill someone. But he could hurt someone if he wanted to. His target being the polish-born. Even his father's killer getting the number 2 spot on his list. 

Robert Kroos entered the room. Lucas rolled his eyes. Of course he had seen men like that. Overconfident. Who thought they could stomp on people with their feet. That was nothing. Manipulating and playing with others like they were puppets. Toni had hurt so much because of this man. Someone who should have protected and cared for him. Lucas really wanted to spit on him. Of course Robert Kroos had tortured him. Water-boarding, tickling, he had even used stun-guns. As much as hitmen trained themselves in killing people, Lucas had been trained in interogation tactics and being able to handle pain. It hurt. Lucas couldn't deny that but they wouldn't get anything from him. Lucas would rather die. Robert Kroos seemed in a good mood. If one could call that a good mood, even. A big fat grin plastered on the Germans face. Lucas really wanted to spit on him. 

"My useless son is on the way to rescue you."

Lucas heart skipped a beat. Toni was ok ?? Lucas sagged in relief. Before his heart and mind began racing. His fear clouding his mind. He hoped Toni would be careful. Lucas was terrified. He narrowed his eyes. Where the hell did that bastard want to know that Toni was on his way ?? Maybe this was a trick to make him feel safe. Lucas bit his lips. His eyes hard. Spewing insults in Spanish at his boyfriends father. Lucas really wanted to punch him in the face. His thought process was cut short when the stun-gun was pressed to his side. Making him moan in pain. Lucas had tried not to react to that. He had no intention of giving this man any kind of satisfaction. None. Zero. He growled at him. Tugging at his chains. That damn monster would get what he deserved. Lucas was sure of it. 

The night was eerily quiet when Toni and the other descended the train. There was not even a sound. Carefully they made their way to the building Barzagli had described. Toni hoped that the Italian was right. The group made their way inside. Not a sound to be heard. Maybe they were wrong. Gareth pointed to the left. A shimmer of light shining from under one of the big heavy metal doors. All of them pressed themselves against the door. Trying to catch any bit of information. If they opened the door now their element of surprise would be gone. Sergio pointed upstairs. There was a ladder. Maybe they could scan the area like that. As silent as cats they made their way upstairs. A half opened window allowing them to see what was going on. Toni recognized Lucas immediately. His father's voice reaching them even if all of them were that high up. Apparently they were on one of his father's unfinished construction sites. Toni shook his head. That man was really dumb.

Isco leaned in too close to a broken window part. All of them watched as if in slow motion as a piece of glass fell to the floor. Shattering into a thousand pieces. The noise echoing through the whole building. Making Robert Kroos and everyone else look up. All members had distanced themselves from the window. Giving no hints to who was upstairs. Maybe if they were lucky Robert Kroos would think it had been the wind. Voices could be heard from downstairs. There was shuffling and shouting. Toni looked over his shoulder carefully. Lucas had been left alone. Shit. There went their element of surprise. The group split up per Sergio Ramos' orders. Toni pulled his hood up while they practically parkoured from the building. Jumping on other parts of it. Toni was the first one to land. With a sprint he was in the room that Lucas was being held at. His father wouldn't make it that easy for him Toni knew that.

"Lucas", a wave of relief crashed down the blond upon seeing the Spaniard. Carefully he took Lucas' face in his hands. Tears of joy running down Lucas face. "Antonio you are ok." Toni gave him a wide smile. However before he was able to cut the chains on Lucas' wrists there was a noise that made him spin around. Thomas Müller smiling maniacally at him. Toni touched Lucas' cheek lightly in apology. Before discarding the cloak and grabbing his sword from behind his back. Thomas wanted to fight, they could do that. With a roar Müller practically launched himself at the blond. Toni's hand was still on the handle of his sword. He hadn't drawn it yet. He dodged the attack by jumping out of the way. Müller growling and them taking out his own rifle. That's when Toni drew his Claymore. It didn't feel as heavy in his hand anymore. Of course he had trained with it again. Lucas' eyes were wide with fear. 

Toni dodged Thomas next attack by rolling off the ground. His sword coming down to cut at Thomas' arm. Making his former comrade howl in pain. That's where a sword had it's advantages. Toni kicked Thomas in the knees. Making him stumble. A shot was fired which Toni barely dodged. Grazing his cheek. Toni slammed his whole body into the Bavarian. Sending them both crashing down. Thomas' rifle is thrown at the other end of the room. That's when Toni proceeds to punch him in the face over and over again. Growling. His family had died for this. Thomas laughed under him. His whole face splattered with blood. Lucas was screaming at him. Begging him to stop. "Por favor Antonio you are not a monster stop." Toni laughed. Right Lucas hadn't seen this side of him. He was a monster. Thomas eyes were wide in fear. Toni had gripped his sword. He turned around to Lucas. "Close your eyes." "Antonio…", the Spaniard protested weakly. His eyes wide in fear. "Por favor Antonio don't." Toni had made up his mind. He had promised Thomas that day in the dungeon he would kill him. He would now. 

Thomas' eyes widened in shock as the Claymore was twisted in his abdomen. Toni's eyes hard and unforgiving. Before the sword was pulled out. Blood gushing through the open wound. He wanted Thomas to bleed to death. Like Jessica had done. "This is for my family and Lucas you damn bastard." Meanwhile Toni proceeded to cut open Lucas chains. The Spaniard hiding his face in his chest. Shaking. Toni's face was splattered with blood. Pressing Lucas closer to him. Kissing his head. They had to get out. The group met up again. Only Sergio Ramos and Bastian were missing. The second in command of La Furia Roja was fighting against Diego Costa. They heard shouting and ran in that direction. Sergio was snarling at Diego Costa who had him pressed up a wall. Furious the second in command of La Furia Roja tried poking his opponents eye out. Costa's hand was around his neck. They were snarling at eachother like animals. That's when Costa's eyes met Lucas.

Lucas face changed into a scowl. That man had killed his father. Sergio managed to throw the Brazilian of himself. Marcelo grabbing his arm when his vice-captain wanted to attack again. Costa's eyes never leaving Lucas. When the Brazilian smiled manically. He went up to the group. Being face to face with Lucas. "I remember you know I killed your father didn't I ??" Lucas howled like a wounded animal. His whole posture changing. Snarling right in Costa's face. Growling. Pushing at the others shoulders. "I'll kill you." Lucas was flaring. His anger taking over his mind. Pushing Costa back. Up against the wall. Tears spilling from Lucas' cheeks. Asking why. Costa laughed and said it was just a other job. Before they could continue a noise startled all of them. A rifle pointed at Costa's head. Iker coming into view. The allied forces behind him. "He is not worth it Luqui let them handle it I promise you he will get what he deserves." Lucas was breathing hard before his shoulders slumped in defeat. Nodding. Toni enveloping in a tight hug.

Meanwhile Bastian had reached Poldi. His former best friend mocking him. Bastian asking him why. Asking him what had happened. Between them. How it had gotten this far. Podolski laughed at him. Hiding his face in his hands. Pointing a gun at Bastian who never moved an inch. "Everything is your fault", the polish-born accused. Bastian narrowed his eyes. Trying to understand. Podolski firing a shot as Bastian approached him. The blond dodging it. Breathing hard. His hands raised in the air. "Fight me you coward", his former best friend yells at him. Bastian took a step towards him. Lukas lashing out making him stumble. Bastian didn't want to fight him. The gun is thrown away and replaced with a sword. Swinging it in Bastians direction. Which was dodged. Bastian tried talk to him. To no avail. Both of them are on the floor. Bastian trying to get Lukas to drop the knife. It was aimed at the blonds throat. "Poldi please." Tears are spilling down from Podolskis eyes. In the heat of the moment the knife is Podolskis side. The polish-borns eyes wide in shock. Bastian cradles his best friends head in his lap. Crying. Podolski looks at him. Bastian pressing his hoodie against the wound. "I love you", Lukas croaks out. Tears spilling on his cheeks. Bastian pressed his forehead against his friends. Apologizing to him.

Toni had led Lucas away from the crowd. Hugging him to his chest tightly. His shoulders still shaking from the fear that had gripped his heart. Lucas was ok and Toni could breathe for a moment. Kissing him with all he had. Pressing their foreheads together. Both of them enjoying eachothers company. Someone was clapping behind them. Toni whirled around. Robert Kroos mocking him. The blond pushed Lucas behind him. Shielding him once more. His father charging at him. Throwing him into a wall. A boot crashing down his injured side. Making him hiss in pain. Toni felt the warm blood seep through his shirt. The stitches had loosened. Toni grit his teeth. Growling he launched himself at his father. His hands choking him. Toni would kill this man. His father laughed at him. Mocking him. Calling him weak. The blond rammed his sword into his shoulder. Effectively keeping him pinned to the ground. His father was getting angry. Good. That monster didn't deserve anything else. Just death. Toni's mind was consumed by the thought. He would not sleep anymore until this monster was dead. That's when the blonds smile transformed into a demonic one. He would torture his father. 

Arms encircled his waist as he was about to cut his father's head off. His arm raised, his Claymore lighter than ever. Lucas pressing his face into his back. Tugging at his sides. Trying to get him of his father. Toni growled. It felt as if his boyfriends hands were glued to his shirt. Not letting go even when Toni tried to shake him off. This was his chance to end it all. He would finally sleep properly at night. His family would be at peace. Why was Lucas ruining all of this. "Te amo Antonio por favor enough." Toni's eyes were hard. Lucas had to understand how much that meant to him. A hand on his shoulder made him look up. Miro's kind eyes looking at him. Lucas forcefully putting distance between himself and his father. "Toni he isn't worth throwing your life away." Toni was roaring. Miro out of all people should have understood that Toni had to do it. He had to. Lucas cried in his back. Sobbing into his shirt. Miro's hand cupped his cheek. Then Toni was crying. Realization hitting him. If he would have killed his own father he wouldn't have been better than that monster. Lucas hugged him tight. Crying in his neck. Toni's whole body giving out. Miro, his father figure, his real father never leaving his side. 

With shaky legs and the help of both Miro and Lucas, Toni made his way out. Lucas arm around his waist. Miro's hand on his shoulder. Leaving that monster of a man to the allied forces. He didn't care what happened to that man. The allied forces would know what to do with him. He wasn't Tonis problem anymore. Toni's legs gave out. His whole body crumbling from exhaustion. A sigh of relief leaving his mouth. It was over. He closed his eyes. Thinking of Jessica and Leon. Tears streaming down his face. Lucas kissing his forehead. Both Lucas and Miro helped him up. Leaving the building. Leaving his father behind. Now he felt free. As if he had been finally freed from the shackles that had held him down..

The sky above their heads looking as clear as Toni had seen it since that day. A gust of wind passing right through him. Making him shiver slightly. It was a pleasant shiver. He knew that Jessica and Leon were still with him. In his heart. Toni grabbed Lucas by the waist and kissed him softly. Pressing their foreheads together. His eyelids fluttering. Lucas brown eyes warming his head to a core. Toni smiled. He looked up to the sky once more. Lucas hand never leaving his waist. 

And finally after over a year his heart didn't feel as heavy anymore.


	20. Happiness is a tool you forge yourself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toni has everything he needs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who has followed this story. And left kudos and comments. You are all amazing people.

Epilogue 

3 years later

The sun was burning his legs uncomfortably. Toni was too lazy to take them out of the direct sun. He knew he would look like a cooked lobster when they went home. At least his face wasn't in direct contact with the sun. It was early August after all and the Spanish sun was burning his skin. A cold bottle of something hit his stomach with a plop. Toni took of his sunglasses off and liftee his head up. A bottle of sunscreen laying on his stomach. Lucas grinning at him cheekily. Throwing his head back and laughing. Toni rolled his eyes in fake annoyance. Before tugging at Lucas wrist and their noses bumped together. Toni was about to lean in when Lucas' phone rang and startled them.

Fishing his phone out of his pocket Lucas sat next to Toni. Who in return drew him closer by grabbing him by the waist. The blond caught a glance on Lucas' screen. Of course Isco was calling who should be calling his husband anyway. Lucas laughed loudly when he picked up. Toni sighed and left small kisses on his husbands neck and naked shoulder. His thumb drawing circles on Lucas waist lazily. A lot had happened since they had stopped his father. Toni had officially retired. Lucas following a year after. His father being imprisoned by the allied forces at an unknown location. They were worried that if Toni knew he would go and cut off his father's head. Toni had made peace. He had avenged his family to a degree. The burden in his heart wasn't that heavy anymore.

Die Mannschaft had taken Thomas into their custody. Miro trying to understand what had happened to his former student. To no avail. Thomas wouldn't budge. Miro had given up after a year. Toni was fine with that. For all he cared Thomas could rot in that dungeon. Ibrahimovic had cut himself a deal. Now being an informant for the allied forces. David Beckham keeping an eye on the Swede personally. Poldi had recovered. Die Mannschaft not punishing him as hard as they had done with Thomas. Him and Bastian being on better terms with eachother. Although Bastian had made it very clear that there was no more than brotherly love between them. Miro had told him that it had taken Poldi sometime to accept that. That the polish-born had been working in the UK for over a year before returning to Munich. His relationship with Bastian and the others improving.

After everything Toni and Lucas had gone to visit Jessica's and Leon's graves a bit outside of Munich. The blond crying for hours. Lucas never leaving his side. A comforting hand on his shoulder. Toni had felt better after that. His heart not feeling as heavy anymore. Knowing his family was at peace. Toni's relationship with his mother was still strained. Felix and him visiting eachother. Toni felt incredibly happy about spending time with his brother. Catching up on all the things they had lost because of their father. It felt like Toni had never left. In the second year of their relationship Lucas had convinced him to meet his mother. Toni of course being all embarrassed about it. Lucas' mother treating him like he was her own son. It had warmed Toni's heart. 

They were currently on their honeymoon on Hawaii. Toni had booked a small piece of the island for them. So they could enjoy the week peacefully. A laugh snapped him out of his thoughts. Lucas' throwing his head back. Isco couldn't leave his best friend alone for even a week. Toni had proceeded to lay back down. His hand folded under his head. Dozing for a while. When Lucas tugged at his wrist. The blond raising an eyebrow in question. Lucas threw his phone onto the towel. Toni was lead to the water. He really wasn't used to this heat. He really did look like a cooked lobster. He knew for a fact he wouldn't be able to sleep tonight. Lucas arms were around his neck. Playing with his hair. His brown eyes meeting Toni's blue ones. Toni saw his husband lick his lips slightly. Lucas giving him a big grin before kissing him. Toni sighed happily. 

They stayed like that for a while. Sitting down near the water. Their toes curled into the sand. Lucas kissing his neck. And nuzzling his chin slowly. The Spaniard being pressed up against Toni's chest. Their feet barely touching the water. Toni was looking up to the sky. It was cloudless. It had been a long time since he had been so happy. He was happy. Very happy. His soul was at peace. Lucas' hand drawing circles on his knee. Before he was tugged up again and lead into the water. Lucas hugging him tightly. Toni's forehead coming up to his husbands shoulder. They stayed like that for a while. The sun burning down on them. Before Lucas cupped his cheeks.

"Te amo Antonio." 

Toni smiled. A wide happy smile. Before he bent down and captured his husbands lips in a gentle kiss.

"Ich liebe dich auch."

Toni was happier than he had ever been. He had his husband. He had Miro and the others. They were his family. He had Felix.

There was nothing else he needed.


End file.
